Feeling Isolated

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dbab
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 4151
   Posted 5/9/2005 11:11 AM (GMT -7)   
I really don't know what's wrong with me.  Lately for the past couple of weeks, I just feel so isolated.  I feel like I'm so alone and feel that people ignore me when I try to reach out to them.  I really can't explain it.  I feel myself spiraling into a dark hole and I'm all by myself.  I want to cry but I know that if I start I won't stop.

CheerDad
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 5/9/2005 11:30 AM (GMT -7)   
dbab,

I am here for you. Eamil me whenever you like. I have a pocket email device so I get it right away. You are not alone. I know that when I feel the desperation of lonliness that is when I need to reach out the most. Not the easiest thing to do when I am feeling so low. I often just reach out like I did today just reaching and saying I need someone but am not ready or willing to share why. Reaching out here is a great first step and please know I am sincere when I say email me anytime.
 Pain is enevitable, misery is optional.
 
Randy
 
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AlwaysRosie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 5/9/2005 5:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Yup . . . sounds familiar isolation then the downward spiral.

Dbab . . . it is good that you posted. The farther downward I allow myself to go, the less likely it will be for me to reach out. Please reach out before you drop any farther. Post here, email Randy or a friend . . . but better yet, talk to your counselor or doctor. In my case, I isolate myself. . . it really isn't others doing it to me.

Please keep us posted.
In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptylene, Salagen, Lotrel
 
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dbab
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 4151
   Posted 5/9/2005 7:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for your caring thoughts, it always helps to know when you feel like this that someone cares enough to reply. It makes me feel better. I may take you up on your offer Randy.

I need to post more however this has always been a difficult forum for me. I have always had trouble with putting my thoughts and feelings into words and its even more difficult to reply to others' posts because of the same reason.

I have the same problem in my life. I have had many trust issues because of my childhood. My grandmother raised me and my uncle lived with us. I was molested by my uncle starting at age 4. When I finally told my grandmother I was about 20 years old, she told me that she didn't believe me. She told me that I was lying and that I am very sick in the head. I was told that often how crazy I was and how I was just like my mom (my mom is bipolar). I was fed this by her all of my life and I started believing it after years of hearing it. I have this sense of betrayal by my family. If my mother took care of me like she should have and didn't send me away to live with my grandmother, this would never happen to me. However she didn't want me so inevidably it is my fault. Now I have the same problem with my friends. I have friends but I don't have "close" friends mostly because I am so afraid to open up to them. Fear of betrayal and rejection is what is my biggest problem. I feel like I only have my husband and it scares me to death if I ever lost him whether he would fall out of love with me or whatever.

These are the feelings that I have been having lately and I guess is what is causing the feeling of isolation. I just don't feel like I have anyone and so afraid of losing the only person that I do have.
"Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you."
- John De Paola


AlwaysRosie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 5/10/2005 7:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Dbab,

I'm soooo sorry that you were treated that way sad. I have a dear friend who has a similar story and it just makes me want to scream! I called her up one day (the friend) and told her to pretend that I was her mother and to pretend that she was sitting on my lap and that I was holding her tenderly. I then told her all the things I thought she might want to hear from her mother (like, I'm sorry I didn't protect you from harm and I'm sorry I wasn't the loving, nurtering mom that you deserve . . . I love you soo much, but I was sooo messed up that I didn't function normally . . .etc.).

Dbab, write three letters to yourself from your uncle, your grandmother, and your mom. Tell yourself all the things that you want to hear from these people. It sounds kindof stupid . . . but it really is healing.

I hope you are in counseling and I hope you have been able to tell your counselor about this . . . he/she will be able to help you get a good perspective on things.

(((((((((((((Dbab))))))))))))) I'm so sorry that your childhood was robbed from you.

Blessings!
In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptylene, Salagen, Lotrel
 
Please help HealingWell help others. Donate today: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/


dbab
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 4151
   Posted 5/10/2005 8:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks again... I think that I will take some time away from posting for awhile. Sometimes I feel really insecure here which I can't explain or even understand myself. The whole fear of rejection thing I guess, I don't really know. Randy and alwaysrosie, thanks for making me feel welcome. I hope I feel up to coming back to the forum sometime soon.
"Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you."
- John De Paola


AlwaysRosie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 5/10/2005 8:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Dbab,

It's been a pleasure reading your posts! It can be a downer here sometimes and you probably don't need that. My life is 'working' right now so I am able to read, respond and not over-internalize the posts here. I really enjoy being able to help here. I hope you find some good therapy and make a good recovery!!

Blessings!
In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptylene, Salagen, Lotrel
 
Please help HealingWell help others. Donate today: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/


dbab
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 4151
   Posted 5/11/2005 9:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks AlwaysRosie,   I am not going away from the forum forever.  I am in just one of those places where I am extremely sensitive right now.  It really sucks!  I just think too much into things about how people feel about me sometimes and sometimes I feel like I'm outside the crowd.  I know that no one here (I hope) feels that way about me but... oh well, Lets just say I'm having very insecure feelings and I don't want to open myself up to any rejection.  Rejection is my BIGGEST fear.  You had it right I guess in your first response, I am isolating myself (but only to protect myself). 

Having2LeftFeet
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 472
   Posted 5/11/2005 9:59 AM (GMT -7)   
:-)  dbab,
I think we all have those feelings every once in a while, like maybe even eery day. I know exactly what you are talking about. It is so easy for someone to say, "Snap out of it" but that's hard to do for someone who suffers from depression. You are not alone. You have this group and we care for you as we do eachother. Please try to smile and keep posting. Tell us some of the good things that have happened to you!
 
Hugs
"Lefty"
There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.


CheerDad
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 5/11/2005 10:48 AM (GMT -7)   
When you are ready, we are here.
We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.
 
Randy
 
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