new here - Depression and Adult ADD

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Dognut
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 5/17/2005 6:11 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm new - and thought i would introduce myself.  This seems like a friendly, supportive and active board.....
 
I am a 45 yr old divorced mom of an (almost!) 15 yr old son. Jon is a freshman in High school, Gifted and ADHD - He is a wonderful, sweet and generous boy, though this has been a particularly tough year for him in school. In January, we lost our beloved Golden Retreiver mix, "Tristan" to Lymphoma after a 5 month fight treating his cancer. Tristan was only 5 yrs old, we had adopted him from Golden Rescue in 2001, and he was wonderful, a perfect character - my 'heart dog'.  My son and I were both devastated by his loss. The winter before Tristan died, a stray orange cat wandered into our home and adopted us - we named him 'Pixel'.  A month or so after Tristan died, we adopted our fluff-ball golden girl, "Fizzy" who is 2 yrs old.   if I have any sanity left at all - it is due to the joy and love my son and pets give me!
 
I have been treated, off and on, for depression for years.
Like most adults with ADD - I recognised it in myself when my child was diagnosed - but never pursued treatment or formal diagnoses. Surviving on coping mechanisms and antidepressants alone. After getting fired in 2003 because of my poor ADD habits - I pursued formal diagnosis and treatment. Hoping medication would help me, like it helps my son.
 
The medication helps - but it isn't enough, and my 'coping mechanisms' just aren't enough anymore either. The fragile 'balancing act' I pulled off for years fell apart, and l can't seem to pull myself out of a downward spiral.  Most of my life, I've felt like a big 'fake' - people think my life is great, that I'm coping marvelously;balancing single parenting, job, house,  involved in my son's school & scouts- to me, it only shows that no one really knows the real me at all - and no one cares to, either.
 
In many ways, I have a 'supportive' family - but they are so involved with their own lives and problems My sister lives halfway across the country, and my brother recently had his own problems with cancer, jobs, and kids in collge - they really have no time for me.  My mentor, best friend and supporter - My dad, died in 2001.  My mom is very close to me - but she's simply such a 'different' personality than me - very 'practical and disciplined' and just can't understand why my feelings of depression paralyze my ability to just 'do what i have to'.  In her eyes,life is very simple:  I just need to 'get organized' and 'do it'. 
 
She has no concept of how impossible that is for me.
 
It seems as if I keep trying to find a  job, keep it and be moderately successful - and I never succeed. ( I don't wanna be CEO - I just wanna pay the bills!) It's gotten to the point where I have either been fired, or gotten to the point on jobs where I just 'gave up'. Nothing I ever do seems to be enough for people -  I guess my 'best' is not enough - and it hurts to keep trying and keep failing.
 
Right now I am surviving on unemployment, temp jobs and substitute teaching.
 
Therapy doesn't seem to help.  thru various times in my life I have seen counselors for various reasons - I can't say they have ever helped at all.
 
I've been a divorced, single mom for about 13 yrs - my son will be 15 this summer - and thru various difficulties with his dad over custoday, etc - we have often seen counselors - either voluntariliy or thru court-appointed programs.    It's nice to have someone to talk to - but I can't afford to pay those rates just to 'talk' to someone - and it's never seemed to change anything for either me or my son ( individually or together). 
 
At best, a court-appointed counselor once told my ex that he had to choose between protecting his only son and his abusive 2nd wife - and he chose the wife and basically abandoned our son.  Our son was very happy with this arrangement - and for the past 4-5 yrs only sees his dad alone, away from his step-mom and dad's home.  This sounds sad - but actually, without the stress of going back and forth to that chotic household every other weekend, my son is much happier, has more friends and spent most of Middle school on the honor roll. His dad is a once-a-week 'playmate'/ dinner date for him, and my son can have a 'normal' schedule and be involved in school and scout activities without missing every other weekend.
 
Sometimes I think a counselor could help me - but my experience with them has not  been good - so I hesitate to waste the time, effort and money.  I have seen a psycologist for myself - and they just never seem to do anything but listen.  ( My computer can do that - and this doesn't cost me anything extra!)
 
My Psychiatrist sees me every 3 months and renews my prescriptions - but he doesn't seem to want to raise or change  the medication, or suggest anything different.  I have an appointment with him next week. 
 
I'm hoping he can suggest something to improve my situation. 
I'm feeling particularly down recently because I've been fighting a nasty bronchitis/ virus thing, and it has just totaly wiped me out and messed up my sleep.  I was up at 3AM this morning - sewing! because I could not sleep.
 
anyway - thanks for listening!
 
laura

CheerDad
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 5/18/2005 9:09 AM (GMT -7)   
I don't know what to say or suggest other than welcome you to the forum. Wish I could do more.
We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.
 
Randy
 
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AlwaysRosie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 5/18/2005 2:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Welcome Laura . . . big cyber hugs for you!!

*Rosie walks along with Laura while they talk about how difficult life can be*

Laura said:
am a 45 yr old divorced mom of an (almost!) 15 yr old son. Jon is a freshman in High school, Gifted and ADHD - He is a wonderful, sweet and generous boy, though this has been a particularly tough year for him in school. In January, we lost our beloved Golden Retreiver mix, "Tristan" to Lymphoma after a 5 month fight treating his cancer. Tristan was only 5 yrs old, we had adopted him from Golden Rescue in 2001, and he was wonderful, a perfect character - my 'heart dog'. My son and I were both devastated by his loss. The winter before Tristan died, a stray orange cat wandered into our home and adopted us - we named him 'Pixel'. A month or so after Tristan died, we adopted our fluff-ball golden girl, "Fizzy" who is 2 yrs old. if I have any sanity left at all - it is due to the joy and love my son and pets give me!

______________ Laura, I am so sorry about poor Tristan. We had a golden for 13 years who was guardian and
friend to our four children. It really was a loss that my hubby and I were not prepared to deal with. Glad you found the rescue service . . . isn't that great!! Glad Fizzy is doing her job soooo well. They really are buddies.

Laura said:
The medication helps - but it isn't enough, and my 'coping mechanisms' just aren't enough anymore either. The fragile 'balancing act' I pulled off for years fell apart, and l can't seem to pull myself out of a downward spiral. Most of my life, I've felt like a big 'fake' - people think my life is great, that I'm coping marvelously;balancing single parenting, job, house, involved in my son's school & scouts- to me, it only shows that no one really knows the real me at all - and no one cares to, either.

__________________Laura, it does feel like no one cares. The truth is they don't know HOW to care and they really don't know how you are suffering. The isolation that depression brings can be devastating and self-perpetuating.


Laura said:
My mom is very close to me - but she's simply such a 'different' personality than me - very 'practical and disciplined' and just can't understand why my feelings of depression paralyze my ability to just 'do what i have to'. In her eyes,life is very simple: I just need to 'get organized' and 'do it'.

____________Sounds soooo familiar. But I have had the pleasant opportunity over the years to educate my mom on depression. She truly did not understand at first. But through much talking, she does now.


Laura said:
It seems as if I keep trying to find a job, keep it and be moderately successful - and I never succeed. ( I don't wanna be CEO - I just wanna pay the bills!) It's gotten to the point where I have either been fired, or gotten to the point on jobs where I just 'gave up'. Nothing I ever do seems to be enough for people - I guess my 'best' is not enough - and it hurts to keep trying and keep failing.

_________________Laura, your symptoms may be thyroid related. You are getting to an age where that is common. Has your doctor checked your thyroid lately?? I don't know much about ADD, but I have been accused of having adult ADD (by a very caring son.) (I do have thyroid disease)


Laura said:
At best, a court-appointed counselor once told my ex that he had to choose between protecting his only son and his abusive 2nd wife - and he chose the wife and basically abandoned our son. Our son was very happy with this arrangement - and for the past 4-5 yrs only sees his dad alone, away from his step-mom and dad's home. This sounds sad - but actually, without the stress of going back and forth to that chotic household every other weekend, my son is much happier, has more friends and spent most of Middle school on the honor roll. His dad is a once-a-week 'playmate'/ dinner date for him, and my son can have a 'normal' schedule and be involved in school and scout activities without missing every other weekend.

_________________Laura, you have made your way through an enormously difficult time. I bet you are sooo tired! Give yourself a LOT of credit for raising such a great young man!!


Laura said:
My Psychiatrist sees me every 3 months and renews my prescriptions - but he doesn't seem to want to raise or change the medication, or suggest anything different. I have an appointment with him next week. I'm hoping he can suggest something to improve my situation.
_________________ Laura, I wonder if you should just print out your post above and share it with the psyc doc. . . it would be a great, brief background and would lead you into a discussion of meds and therapy.


Laura said:
I'm feeling particularly down recently because I've been fighting a nasty bronchitis/ virus thing, and it has just totaly wiped me out and messed up my sleep. I was up at 3AM this morning - sewing! because I could not sleep.
________________ Laura, you really hit on a biggy!! Sleep is soooo important to physical and mental healing and rejuvenation. Do discuss that with your doc.

I'm sorry, I just don't have any magic answers for you. You sound like a really put-together person. I don't believe you can "fake" that. We all have methods that we use for coping . . . and you have coped with a lot of difficult problems very well.

Welcome to Healing Well sis!!

Blessings!
In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptylene, Salagen, Lotrel
 
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Mell
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 5/18/2005 5:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Laura, you have really had some tough times! I do understand because I have spent most of my adult life (maybe childhood?) depressed and I know I have ADD. What does your dr do for you about that? Keep going and if your dr doesn't help you, there is another one around the corner. It is really difficult. If you're like me you think there is something wrong with you but not the dr. Well, dr's are human also and they are not always the one that is right for you. Keep searching!!!!!!!!!!!

I think a lot of my depression has to do with the fact that I have Crohn's disease, but it doesn't matter what the cause is, if you have it - you have it. Bless you and keep trying and pressing on.

AlwaysRosie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 5/18/2005 5:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Laura . . . I agree with Mell !!
In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptylene, Salagen, Lotrel
 
Please help HealingWell help others. Donate today: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/

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