I just want to let you know that I am exactly where you are right now so even though I don't have any advice for you, I want you to know that I know exactly how you feel. I have a husband who doesn't really believe in depression and a son who I would walk to the edge of the earth for but hide away from both of them so they don't see the pain I feel. Cloudy is right, please consider seeing a therapist and this forum is wonderful and its nice to know that there is an outlet for letting it all out when you don't feel like there is anyone else.
IBS, Diverticulosis, GERD, Disc Degeneration
"If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it" - Mary Engelbreit