Depressed again?

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Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 190
   Posted 6/2/2005 4:27 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi y'all,
I'm at a loss of where to turn right now.  I feel like I'm drowning right now.  I was diagnosed with depression about 4 years ago.  Was put on medical leave from my job for a few months and put on four or five different drugs.  I've been off all depression meds for about a year now...was feeling life was back in order.
This past month though, my life has fallen apart.  I feel so overwelmed right now.  I had to have a heart "procedure" at the end of April.  My husband got sick with pnuemonia shortly after.  I found out I have moderate sleep apnea and moderate/servere asthma.  Both of those were a big surprise.  I teach and all the end of year stuff started popping up, I'm also the yearbook advisor and we started having major problems with our publisher and my principal wasn't too happy with me.  Two of my friends are having surgery next week - one on her throat (and she's our music teacher) and the other has skin cancer again on her face...worse this time.  I started to once again have my heart arrhythmia problems and have had to see my cardiologist again for that.  I have to go have another heart "procedure" next week on June 10.  To top it all off, my grandmother passed away quite suddenly on Monday.  Her funeral is Saturday and I'm supposed to be a pall bearer.
I feel like I'm a daze.  I don't know what to do right now.  All I feel I can do right now is survive.  I'm trying to make it through each day.  Sometimes, I feel like it's all I can do to make it through the next hour.  I told my husband that if anything else happens, I'm going to crack.  I can't take any more stress right now. 
I'm worried that this isn't a little slump I'm in...I'm afraid that my depression, which I worked so hard to defeat and make it to where I needed no drugs, is back to full force.  I just want to lay in bed and sleep. 
I've set a goal for myself to make it through June 10.  After that, a lot of the stress I have should be's only a week away but feels like a year. 
Does anyone have any suggests to deal with all the stress I'm having?  Thanks for letting me talk.
smurf  Lil smurf
Afterwards, the universe will explode for your pleasure. - Douglas Adams

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 6/2/2005 10:50 AM (GMT -6)   
Wish I had an answer. Maybe try the meds for just a short time to get you through all this mess right now. Life can come at us fast and I know that I need to take time to do what I enjoy or I will crawl back into my cave and pull the rock over the opening so I can't be found. Take some time to do something just for you, something you normally would not do.
We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.
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Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 6/12/2005 6:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Every day is a blessing, but you're right, when you feel like you feel, (like i've been feeling) it seems like forever. I was just goin though some of the older posts, and i read yours. You mentioned that you just wanted to make it to june 10th. Well, it's now the 12th. And I hope you're making progress. I hope you're feeling better. I would like to hear of your progress!

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 472
   Posted 6/13/2005 1:59 PM (GMT -6)   
:-)  One being that will never change or leave you. The Lord so my suggestion is to pray. I will pray for you all too!
There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 190
   Posted 6/13/2005 5:39 PM (GMT -6)   
Well, I survived June 10.  I had a cardiac ablation that day.  I ended up in cardiac ICU due to some complications but I ended up not needing a pacemaker so I'm quite happy about that.  I'm just really tired and sore right now.
I expected to feel different after this.  A lot of the stress is over for now.  I'm glad about that.  I feel like I need to talk to someone about everything that has gone on in my life lately.  I think I may call my the priest at my old parish.  I need someone safe...who won't judge me.  I don't feel like I have that right now.  I tried talking to my husband last night and he kept trying to explain why I felt that way and analyzed everything I said.  I shut down after that...I didn't want to be analyzed...just to talk.
I'm leaving tomorrow to visit my uncle.  I think stepping away for all this will be helpful.  I'll be able to look at it from a different perspective.  Thank you for the prayers.  I need them big time right now.
smurf  Lil smurf
Afterwards, the universe will explode for your pleasure. - Douglas Adams

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 6/14/2005 4:45 PM (GMT -6)   
Yup!! Guys really want to fix everything. If they can't fix it, it's too frustrating. Women can talk about stuff and just be there for each other. Guys . . . that's not a bad thing. . . that is very helpful sometimes. Sometimes I have to tell hubby . . . "I just want to tell you about some things. . . I don't really need any input, just need to vent", then he knows I'm not looking for input.

I'm glad you are ok. Thanks for posting and letting us know. Have a good visit with your uncle and post back when you return.

Glad that day is over for you.

In His Grip,
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptylene, Salagen, Lotrel
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