You are not upsetting me at all.. I am just trying to see what I need to do. I don't want to smother him, but I don't want him to think that I don't care either. I just know that everything in our life was perfectly normal until May 04 when he was rushed to the ER with classic signs of a heart attack. They ran every test they could run. He was seen by a cardiologist and two different medical doctors. He then went to a diagnostic clinic, and another trip to a different ER. He was sent to two different therapist who diagnoised it different. One said it was anxiety the other said there was some kind of medical reason. He went to another cardiologist and all of them said it was anxiety. We went through some many ambulance runs to our home b/c he was convinced he was dying. He is 33 years old and through this he didn't want me to leave his side. He didn't want to be left alone. He thought he would go to sleep and not wake up. They have him on Lexapro 10mg a day and Clonazepam 1mg three times a day. He seemed like he was doing fine, he seemed a bit run down, but I figured it was the medication and the fact that if he isn't working at the Fire dept., he drives a gas truck sometimes when they need him and if he isn't doing that, he builds furniture from home. He is always doing something, so I figure he is just tired until he comes home with the I love you and if it wasn't for Maddie, I'd be better off dead. They put on medication for the rest of my life like I am some crazy person. I am a failure and I am just pulling you down with me. You deserve to be treated better. You need to go and find someone who will treat you right!!!!!!! SCREAM!!!!!!!!! I don't get it... Is this typical of this disorder or could he just be trying to run me off... I don't know.
He has been on Lexapro since last May... It seemed he was doing well. He got back to work and even started doing the things on the side that he did before anything happened. I have an appointment with a therapist on the 30th. I am still trying to convince him to go with me, but he says it won't do any good at all. He says that he doesn't like himself and he was not meant to be married... He has even suggested that he join back up in the Marine Corp to get away from everyone because he causes everyone problems.
I am still working on trying to atleast getting him back in to our family doctor and talk with him just to see if his meds aren't working anymore.
What convinced you to finally go in? He is just dead set against it and hates the fact that he is on meds at all. I don't know why he feels this way, because I too am on them. I was to the point where all I could do was cry because I couldn't fix it.