I am soooo sorry that you now belong to the widow/widowers club. I too lost a husband while I had two small children. For me, it happened to be the final act in a five year stretch of bad things happening all around me and to me. Somehow, my faith took over immediately and put ALL my trust in the Lord. It wasn't a good-two-shoes act . . . it was a gift from God. He just, somehow, gave me a 'knowing' that everything would be ok. But that didn't take away the process of grieving.
I NEVER thought I would EVER want to marry again or even be loved by another man. I just didn't have ANY desire for that. Although my trust was in God, I still went through the whole grieving process and jumped every time the phone rang . . . for an instant thinking it might be him . . . and then feeling stabbed with the reality that he was gone. Every day was filled with thoughts of him. Every meal I cooked, I had to remind myself that I wasn't cooking for 4 anymore.
Well fast forward a good number of years and last week I celebrated my 26th wedding anniversary with my 'new' husband. Hubby is a wonderful man, a gift from God, a gift I did not ask for. I never would have believed that I could bond with another man and live a happy life. But God made a way for me. God can make a way, when there seems to be no way.
Thank you for sharing with us. I know that is a painful thing to do. Your advice to others might serve you well if you re-read your posts. But you do need to allow yourself to grief this loss. That takes time friend.
Be very careful about the attitude you choose in dealing with this. Your children are watching you very carefully and their hope is sometimes limited by the hope that you have. My kids, I think, are really what got me through the initial crises. They needed me and I, like you, was there for them.
You are in my prayers friend.
In His Grip,
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptylene, Salagen, Lotrel