Sooo Sad...I cant take this

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barbra
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 6/15/2005 12:57 PM (GMT -7)   
I am just so sad...I dont understand it...yesterday was a fairly ok day..then wham..today is just so horrible, i cant stop crying , I cant think, I cant do anything..I just want out of this...I cant deal anymore....this has got to end..one way or another................

CheerDad
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 6/15/2005 1:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Barbra, get help now. Call a hotline, your therapist, a freind, someone, but get help now.
We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.
 
Randy
 
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AlwaysRosie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 6/15/2005 1:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Ditto to Randy's post Barbara!!!!

Don't wait . . .

After you talk to someone, post back!!

Hugs and Blessings!
In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptylene, Salagen, Lotrel
 
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Having2LeftFeet
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 472
   Posted 6/15/2005 3:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Barbra,
Hun. I understand your pain but we can't help you unless you share your story with us. We or I don't know what to key in on. I feel helpless and unable to lend support except to say please do not have impure and crazy thoughts. It's not an end's to a means, believe me. Relax, gather your thoughts, sit down and share with us otherwise we are stagnent.
 
Hugs
"Lefty"
There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.


barbra
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 6/15/2005 4:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Lefty, I really am not sure what my story is, but here goes a shot at it. I suffer from some physical problems as well, have had problems with muscles and nerves for 25 years since a car accident at 21...suffered from panic disorder after the accident for about 6 months, got on medication and got over it, I thought...have had bouts with anxiety 3 or 4 times over the last 25 years, but always somehow managed to get past them...my husband and I owned a fairly sucessful office furniture business for about 5 years, when it just became to much work, so we decided to get out of that and start a small home furniture business close to where we lived...we put everything we had financially into that..we opened september the 11th 2000...so well you can imagine how that went...we struggled for about 8 mos trying to keep the business afloat....we closed that and he went to work....our home and expenses were just more than he made..so he took a job overseas in kuwait as a army contractor..the money was more than he could make here..was gone almost 2 years....I thought I was coping through all that pretty well, taking care of the kids, the house, and everything..I have always been self employed since I was about 25...done many different things..advertsing..appliances...furniture..always sales for me..that is what I knew. Anyways last november I over did myself physically and this is where this all began...so many doctors..so many test..so many misdiagnosises...anxiety set in..I didnt recognize it for what it was because it wasnt the same as in the past..not panic...just uneasy..couldnt relax..couldnt stop worrying...had terrible physical issues and no real answers..went to physical therapy which made me feel much worse...then depression hit..didnt really know that is what that was either, never really had depression in the past..just anxiety...now the depression has taken over..I mean really taken over..it has made me question everything...even my faith...which I still try to cling to,
I have been on 3 or 4 medications none have worked, maybe the lexapro would have if I could have taken it long enough, it just exacerbated my anxiety to bad...celexa helped none..took it 2 months...my husband doesnt understand and offers very little emotional support..actually somedays he makes me feel even worse, he is kinda moody, and says hurtful things alot..I dunno what to do...I never knew people could be ths sad..empty...that the world could such a scary, sad, empty. place...if sadness could kill you I would have already died.....or maybe I am..just a slow painful death..I dunno..lost my father whom I adored at 22...my grandmother...my brother....2 good friends...my brother in law and my ex . my mother in law...most within the last few years...and my sister is in real bad shape with her lupus..nearly lost her twice in the past year or so....hope this wasnt to long or boring.

Post Edited (barbra) : 6/15/2005 5:12:08 PM (GMT-6)


Having2LeftFeet
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 472
   Posted 6/16/2005 1:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Barbra,
I feel your pain, and I have lived with some of your pain. We ask over and over "why me". I know I have. I have asked, "Lord, what did I do that was so terrible that I am living like this". After a while, you just get used to it and get numb. Finally, you bottom out and then, you either go down the drain or you can rise up on inch at a time. I chose to rise. I got all the support I needed from my Mom. She is the one person who doesn't judge. She re-led me to the Lord as I had backslid a long time ago. I have asked myself, "Is this all there is to life, cause if it is, forget it"! As I began to rise one inch at a time, I began to see that there were other people in the same situations making the best of a bad situation. A few more inches, I started to see that there were people WORSE off than me that were surviving and making the best of it. As I came up inch by inch, I started to see things a bit clearer. I started to realize that so many other people have so many problems and have no way out. I started to STOP feeling sorry for myself and start feeling compassion for others. After all, when it was all said and done. I was still breathing. We wnt through some very bad times.
 
My brother was born with a rare disease, died a week shy of his 18th B'day. I go married, had 2 girls, took all I could from my X drinking and beating, married again to my now husband of 23 yrs and put up with his drinking, womanizing, gambling ways. Lost our new home, my business, 2 new trucks, he lost his job to a DUI, we lost all our money and credit and were doing whatever we could to make it. Then 4 years ago the Lord came to me as I was sobbing on the floor not knowing what to do. I wanted to die and I didn't care. My girls were grown married with kids of their own and didn't speak to me or my husband as we "embrassed the family". We were judged by all the family, all 25 or so of them. I was addicted to pain killers and slipped into my little world. The Lord comforted me and I had this peace about me. I started to read my dad's bible that I haden't picked up since my mom gave it to me because he wrote in there that he was dedicating it to me. I cried for days, thinking what a brat I was. Finally, I started taking one day at a time, trying to help my husband to do the same. He had a call from an old friend in Vermont and said that there was a sales job open with a very big company in the north east. The company flew him up for the interview and back the same day. He was hired on the spot, we thought it was good to leave the place that we thought wasn't kind to us anymore and the family that cursed us and was ashamed of us. We moved and I am telling you for the first 2 years it was rough. Now, we love our home, his job is great, the company is good to all their emmployees and I get to stay home and collect my disability which I so righly deserved since I did earn it. God has been so good to us. I thank Him in the AM, all day in between and at night when I go to bed. He is the one constant in my life. He'll never leave  me nor will he forsake me. When I have a problem, I call on him. Occasionally I blow my stack as I did today on the boards. I just keep saying, "what's going to happen to these children".
 
Barbra, once I gave my life to the Lord, I was totally grounded with just a few bumps in the road. The issue is, I don't make a big deal about them. Just every once in a while. I do not allow being disrespected, cussing in my home and my husband knows what he can't and cannot say because I believe it is disrespectful to the Lord and me. I pray without ceasing and I know he owns my life and when he calls my number, I will be ready to go. Yes, I have cried and asked Him to come and get me, but I soon learned that he wasn't ready for me.
 
I do hope this helps you a bit and that you can find comfort here and where you are. We are always here is you need us!
 
"Lefty" :-)
There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.

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