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New Member

Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 6/24/2005 7:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi everyone. I am a new member as well.  I'm 32 years old and a single working mom.  I can't say how long I have been depressed but it definitely was long before I began regular therapy which I have been doing for the past 2 - 3 years.  Today, I had a physical.  A normal thing right?  Well, my emotional eating has me at a weight of 255.  From the moment I stepped on the scale and the medical asst. pushed the bottom weight from 150 to 200 then 250 and then began tapping the smaller one, I knew I was going to have a downward spiral.
Depression is hard especially when you have kids because you can't be down and out for too long.  I have learned to run on what I call "autopilot" but sometimes, you can be talking to me and I am not even "there".  I understand this "abyss" ROE speaks of in her post and poem and I am glad to hear CheerDad say that he has heard it too but turns from it.  It is my children (12, 14, 16 and 17) that I think of but as they get older and they aren't consuming my time like they used to, I find I don't know what to do with the time on my hands except drift further and further with a fake smile on my face so people don't think that I'm crazy or weird.
I guess I looked up this forum and registered because I am tired of feeling like no one understands my feelings or worrying that people will label me if they really knew what I was going through while they are all praising me talking about how STRONG I must be.  I don't feel what they see...I wish I could.

New Member

Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 6/24/2005 7:41 PM (GMT -6)   
I just read LizaB's posting about her son who commited suicide and I think of myself and how I feel sometimes just wondering why I am here, what is the point and that if I didn't have children, I don't know... I would hate to think of leaving my mother in this pain but honestly, when someone is depressed, I am not sure they think of all the people being left. They are so consumed by whatever is going on in the inside and it gets very frustrating especially if you feel NO ONE IN A MILLION YEARS NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU TALK will ever understand what you feel inside. That is so frustrating to the point where I know I have felt like I am tired of dealing with it and if there is something so wrong with me, I'd rather not be here.

BUT, I thank God that my responsibility to my children pulls me back in but as they get older, it is getting harder to feel purpose. I hope I find some peace before they are all grown and moved out. I see myself alone and I feel very scared about that.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 6/25/2005 3:42 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello and welcome DiamondPrincess,

I know that many of us have felt these feelings of despair and apathy towards going on. I also know that when I have been there I knew that I needed some help from a professional. I would highly recommend the same thing. Your kids are worth it alone.
We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.
Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating:

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 6/27/2005 8:45 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Diamond Princess!!!

Welcome!! I love how your dock slipped that Welbutrin in on ya!! Yup, its also used to help people stop smoking. My son used it and was SUCCESSFULL!! Yeah!! He hasn't smoked for a year now!!

I hope it is helpful for you. It's amazing what a fine line we walk between health and not. Randy had some good advice for you sis. I hope you'll keep posting of your progress or questions!!

In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie      "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Metanx, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel
Please help HealingWell help others. Donate today:

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