Emotional roller coaster doing loopdy loops and MY thoughts

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Having2LeftFeet
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 472
   Posted 7/26/2005 9:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Sis and Bro's,
 
Waiting....we all are always waiting for the second shoe to drop. Sometimes I think I should bear the pain and shut up about it. It's there and the only person who can take it away is the Lord God himself. I am trying sooooooooo hard to think, "the Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle". As a Christian, I know that. I have my bags packed and I am ready to go as soon as the Lord calls me. I hope he recognizes me at the gates. Accepting the Lord as my personal savior and asking Him to forgive me of my sins so many years ago and backsliding and coming back up for a breath has made me realize that life is so precious to waste. Yet, day after day I sit here and ask myself what is my purpose. If I could just help someone, anyone, then I would feel my life was for something and not nothing. I have the support of my husband as ever, my beloved Mother at age 84 (praise the Lord) and my mother-in-law who loves me like a daughter and I like a mother. Sister's (3), daughters, (1) will still not talk to me even though I called her 2 weeks ago and she copped and attitude with me and I put on the brakes right then and there. I told her I didn't call to fight I called to ask about my grandchildren and how she was doing and if we could ever put this to rest. She was still hostile. I did the best I could but I came to the conclusion that she's not mad at me, but she's mad at her situation with my grandson being ADD, the entire 9 yards. She is mad that she is overweight, she's mad that she has put distance between her and the rest of the family and most of all, she is mad to the fact that I am not there for her to call upon when she needs to talk. She has to realize that I am where I need to be and my husband and I did the best thing possible, after I shut myself out from everyone strung out on drugs for 8 years. I have been clean for 1,197 days. My daughter's have their own lives and their own families. I mentioned that every parent/grandparent has been divorced 2-3 times and the kids have so many grandparents that they don't know who's what. I am Nana and I will always be. NO ONE else is called that. I miss them, al 5 of them. My grandson o turns 2 on the 31st  and I have seen him 3 times on my last visit last May, 2004. I have pictures all over the house of the kids and now that my daughter is not speaking to me, I have to rely on my other daughter or my Mom for recent pictures. One thing I would like to say is that it takes more energy and stamina to fight than it does to get along. She has had serious issues from the day her dad left and I divorced him. My husband and her didn't see eye to eye and always fighting. Most of the time it was over me if my husband did something that hurt me. I also think she was blaming him for the divorce which is not true as I met my now husband after the divorced papers were served. Her dad was into playing games with the girls to hurt ME and not them. He was mad that I had met someone else and that I married him. I had to get away from a bad situation as I wasn't going to take anymore beatings. Thats why I have a bad anger problem. Since then, if anyone angers me or acts out towards me, I flip. After trying to kill my husband over 3 years ago, I have to control my anger and if I think I am losing it, I walk away! I had an emotional outburst on Friday and I asked God to forgive me and then my husband as he is the last person I would hurt. It bother's me that he can care for himself and me now. Used to be I did everything for him. Now, he does everything for me and that doesn't help how useless I feel. I ask myself if this is it. Is this the rest of my life. Time after time I ask the Lord to take me home when I go to bed. It is not "my will it is thy will". He isn't ready for me yet. So, for now I sit and wait. This quote from the Bible is one of my favorites. "A time to be born, a time to die, a time to plant, a time to pluck up what was planted, for every season is a purpose under heaven".
 
I know that you are all dealing with your own issues and I think we can relate because of it. I cry at the drop of a hat and my husband DOES NOT want me to watch Fox news as every time I hear that a child has be abducted or molested or a known sex offender got out of jail and then molested again and/or killed. I cry all day long. I have begun to get very sensitive about things like that and it is effecting my own recovery and mental status. With all that, I am so blessed. We have everything we want, NO credit cards, we can pay our bills on time and have food in the frige, clothes on our back, roof over our heads and a house full of 2-3 of everything. So what am I bi***ing about? I think I have come to a juncture in life where I am so tired. Sometimes I think if it were my time, my husband is still young enough to re-marry and even have his own children. (he's 47 I am 55). about six  years ago people would surprised to learn I was a grandmother. Now no one says anything.
 
I am so sorry I have poured out all my feelings on you all. I know you will read and advise and just knowing I have you all makes me feel better.
 
Hugs smurf


There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.


AlwaysRosie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 7/26/2005 12:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Sue . . . don't apologize. That's what we are here for. We are here for each other.

Sometimes life doesn't make sense. When you ask what is your purpose here, it is to glorify God (speaking to Sue as I know she is a Christian and she is asking from that perspective). Just remember that God's kingdom is not here . . . the adversary is loosed here and we are still waiting for the bridegroom (Jesus) to take his bride (the church, his people) and celebrate. That's why lots of things don't make any sense yet.

I know you are in a tough spot right now with your health and your relationship with your daughter. Just don't let it use up your energy sis because that will just affect your health and it won't help your problems.

I plan to finish up reading and posting and then I will do some housework and make dinner. While I am doing those things, I will be praying for you sis. Praying that you will be able to feel God's presence presence and that you will feel confident in your marriage and confident as a parent and that you will be able to let go of those things you can't fix. If you continue to feel sad and unworthy of your husband's love, then you will be making a bigger problem. Please be kind to yourself Sue. God made you!! You are not a paper plate! You are fine China . . .hold your head up and know that you are the King's kid.

Blessings!
In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie          "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Metanx, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel


Having2LeftFeet
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 472
   Posted 7/27/2005 12:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks, Rosie. I always appreciate your support and undestanding. It means a lot to me. One thing I have noticed recently is a lot of new members and a lot of new threads. I try to ask the newbee's to go back and read them as I think it will get things in the right perspective.Also, they have to be willing to share AND perhaps encourage other members. I barely get responses to my posts prob. because they are too long or just plane boring. Life is s give and take situation. But, each day is different than the one befire it. Life goes on.
 
Hugs
Sue
There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.


AlwaysRosie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 7/27/2005 8:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Sue,

Your posts are sometimes making a statement (as opposed to asking a question) . . . that might be one reason there are less responses . . . you sometimes kindof work through a problem right in your post, kindof like thinking out loud.

If you posts are long, try separating thoughts into paragraphs. No big rule how to do that, it jus makes it easkier to read. And, if you have a question, make sure to state it as a question.

I think some your posts are very deep and some people don't know how to respond.

All together, we (the HealingWell family) make a beautiful tapestry.

Blessings!
In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie          "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Metanx, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel


Having2LeftFeet
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 472
   Posted 8/11/2005 6:52 AM (GMT -7)   
yeah  Rosie,
I chuckled when I read your response to this thread. You know something, you're right. Long and not paragraphs. Yackity, yack! Must  be the Italian in me!
 
Hugs
Sue
There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.


maudie
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 8/12/2005 9:38 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Sue Im one of the newbies, I,ve posted once or twice, and the support I had was TREMENDOUS, I only wish I could give some back, yeah at this time im still lacking in confidence and hopefully when my work season ends I  will be able to post more, (and feeling better) so from now I will post (((hugs))) so from now when you get a hug from me its heartfelt, its not much to give back I know, but reading all your posts, my problems are nothing, and my pity parties are going to end, thank you all for putting my problems in to perspective. and I know now for sure its time to read the bible again( that wasnot a flippant comment)love maudie :-)


CheerDad
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 8/12/2005 2:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Lefty,

You know I am here for you as needed. I agree with Rosie, sometimes I feel like your updating me on your life and I don't know what to add. Sending all my postive thoughts your way.
We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.
 
Randy
 
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Having2LeftFeet
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 472
   Posted 8/12/2005 3:01 PM (GMT -7)   
yeah  Thank youall for your replies. I have taken them all to heart and agree with them. I am planning to shorten my posts and perhaps stretch them out over time if they are too much in detail. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
 
With much love,
Sue AKA "Lefty" 
There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.

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