Does this fit here? Could use some support!

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Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 151
   Posted 8/10/2005 10:08 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello,  **this may be long - but I needed to get out ALL my feelings! Thanks for reading!**
First of all, I am new to this particular board.  I have gone to the Anxiety Boards on HW.  My main problem being anxiety.  But, I do on occassions get depressed.  Today is one of these days.
See the problem is this.  We're moving.  Big deal right? Why would I be depressed about moving - isn't that supposed to be an exciting time?  Selling your house, looking for a new one!  Sounds exciting - it isn't for me!  Well not really anyway.  Its so confusing!! Let me explain...
When husband and I had our son, We decided to move into a house with a yard .. BIG yard.  So big, we bought a little 5 acre mini-horse farm. Because our dream was to have horses too.  And a place for my son to have a big safe yard to play in.  Well that was THIS house.  Well now that my son is approaching 4 years old he is starting pre-school this fall, we decided that actually it now may be best for him to live in a "sub-division" type community where he will have other KIDS to play with, and probably more than likely go to school with. 
You see, the house we live in now sits way back off the road, like a 1/2 mile back.  There are trees galore and pastures galore.... and a huge fenced in backyard.  You can't see another house within viewing distance.  We're extremely private.  So - our thoughts now 4+ years later, are-well thats no good.  We want our son to have a typical child hood.  With other children on his street to play with and everything else.  All we have on this street are old farmers, cows and corn fields! Because I know that when I was a younger kid (under age 13) we lived in a subdivision and some of my fondest childhood memories are running down the sidewalk to my friend's houses and playing until the street lights came on.  lol... My husband had those same memories - we of course want this for our son too!  Here at this place - he couldn't do that.  There is no one around here.  No sidewalks .... No street lights..... No houses!
So here we are..... Selling my little private oasis!  I feel so selfish and guilty for feeling this way. I am doing this for our son mostly.  So he has the chance to play as husband and I did when we were kids!  He'll have a blast - he loves to play!  So why do I feel so darn sad about this?  I could slap myself in the face for feeling this way. I sound so selfish and immature.  And, I don't like being that way. I mean I want my son to have friends... he can be shy so I know if he starts school and doesn't know anyone and never does know anyone because of where we live that will hurt him.  And, I dont want that!!!!  But, Im having a hard time "getting ready to" say goodbye to this place. 
I thought I was ready... last year is when we brought up the idea of selling.  We were going to put it on the market right away this spring-that didnt happen right away, But, Well, we had a realtor come out a couple weeks ago.  She said Oh this place will sell FAST. Well now its a reality --- She is coming tonight to put the For Sale sign at the end of the driveway! sad   I cant believe it is happening. 
I tried talking to my husband about my depression over selling.  And he is just annoying me! He doesnt care, and doesnt want to talk about MY feelings.  I dont want him to change his mind.  I am and know we should move!  I just want him to understand my sadness over leaving.  Maybe talk a little more upbeat about moving to a subdivision. Instead of talking about living so close to other houses and hearing cars and kids screaming/playing.......  That doesnt help.  I am used to quiet and peace.  You hear NOTHING where we're at now. I'm used to walking outside in my night gown and knowing that no-one will see me.  I like walking around the house in just my night-shirt at night ..... now I guess I won't be able to do that anymore either for fear someone will see in my window. I mean, Ill have houses right next door on both sides and across the street! 
You have to understand.  I lived here for 4+ years.... no one around.  Before this I lived at my parents horse farm and that was a 40acre farm.  so, probably the past 20 so years of my life, I'm not used to living next door to anyone!  I dont consider myself a private person.  I am very outgoing and friendly with everyone.  I just do like my privacy when it comes WANTING it. If you know what I mean. 
We just have so many memories with this house here.  Our son's first house, he walked here, talked here, learned so many things here.  Its BIG... a very big house - I dont think we'll find one quite this big. Its no mansion - not even close, but it just has a lot of floor space - he has a play room - that I know we won't find.  Unless we finish off a basement.  We've had parties GALORE here.... perfect party house with the huge deck off the back of the house.  They dont put decks like this on new houses.  You get postage stamp size decks now.  Unless of course you want to fork over the dough for a bigger one!  My husband is a fireworks fanatic.... We had huge 4th of July Extravaganza's here....... Well, Im sure you cant do those in a subdivision.  I dont know....... Im just really worried and depressed about all of this. 
Am I being silly? Please dont be afraid to tell me I am.  Actually Id almost like to hear that, to snap me out of this rut Im in.  Just whatever you do - dont tell me Im making a mistake!LOLOL!!! Because I cant get out of it now!! And I DONT want too! Im being irrational here! :)))
And please dont get me wrong... because I know a lot of people live in subdivisions.  I personally do not have a problem with them.  I actually think they're gorgeous...... but, when you live on land land land for 20+ years of your life..... you sort of get accustomed to it.  I'm afraid we're going to get a nasty neighbor.... or something! My husband and I are very outgoing people.  We care a lot about other people too, and if we get someone nasty - I think that would destroy us! 
Please help me.... Im really getting sad about this.  I had to drop my husband off to work this morning b/c our 2nd car was left there overnight.  My son is away with his grandma and grandpa right now.  So on my way home I drove through a subdivision we like and I just cried...... and I almost threw up on my way home from there.  Ive never been like that before b/c of my nerves!  The subdivison is super super nice too!  Its just, its a normal subdivision.. houses one right after the next. I mean they get as many as they can in there, dont they!!!?
Like I said I just dont understand it.  I WANT to move..... I really do.  But, now that its becoming a reality, Im getting scared.  UGH!!!!! this is so irritating.
Well, if you can offer any advice Id appreciate it.  If not that is okay too - it helped me some just to talk about it outloud - as Ive not been able to, because whenever I do, my husband gets upset with me.  I tried talking to him last night.  And it was just You're being SILLY he said.  Well I dont want to hear that.  I want to be normal.  I want my feelings to be understood.  So I got mad and didn't talk to him at all on the way to drop him off for work.  See he doesnt understand it, he was born/raised in the city where there are houses and more houses! Ive been in the country since I was 11 or 12! Im 31 now.  Its a whole new thing! I forget now what its like to have a "next door neighbor".  Is it fun? :))
Well---Take Care and Thank you so much for reading!!!
Just Peachy

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 8/10/2005 11:13 AM (GMT -6)   
Wanted to welcome you to our family. It is very normal to feel depressed over major life changes. It happens to me all the time. It is also normal to become attached to your home. It usually has a lot of good memories tied to it. I know it is hard, but look to the good and future memories that you can have in the new place. Not only with your son, but what a great opportunity for you to get involved with his school or maybe with the neighborhood and other children's parents. Good luck on the move and let us know how you are doing.
We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.
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Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2004
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 8/10/2005 2:37 PM (GMT -6)   

Where you live sounds ideal. I bet if you were to ask people in the sub division or anywhere in the suburbs they would be glad to trade places with you.

It sounds like a great place to raise children. Surely you can see that your child can get together with others enough so that he can have the best of both worlds. I often visit a farm where you can see stars every night. Where it is quiet and peaceful with birds, dogs able to run about, fresh air and lots of space.

Think it over before you make the change to noisey and nosey neighbors. :-) yeah

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 8/11/2005 3:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Peachy . . . welcome to the forum!

Wow . . . we had four kids and lived in a subdivision and moved to a larger lot which had the houses a bit more spaced. But we do still have neighbors. Your house sounds dreamy for a child or the adults. I hope you and hubby are sure you really do want to move to closer neighbors . . . that will be a big change.

On the bright side, if you don't like it, you could always move back out to the country. I imagine part of your decision is the school district. Sounds like you and hubby need to talk and be really sure that moving is really what you want.

In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie          "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"
Psalms 139
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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 472
   Posted 8/13/2005 5:58 AM (GMT -6)   
:-)  Peachy,
Welcome to the depression group. Sounds to me like you are asking for support and a place to vent. Well, here we are! You are not an enigma, please believe me. Most of the posts sound a lot like yours. Unsure of things, scared, anxious, reluctant and lonely and need a "safe haven". We all do. It is hard to let our feelings go with one's we know and love. Even friends can tend to make their own judgements. See, here we are people with just names. No one knows the real us. Only we do, so when we read a post and a cry for help or just some plain old fashion listening, we vent here.
We all have times when we are reluctant to do things and I for one are an impulsive person. I act before I think. Now I am turning that around. I hope. I do call upon the Lord as He is my HP and without Him I am nothing. Follow your heart and take time for yourself. Sounds to me like you need a short weekend alone to get your perspectives in order. I will pray for you and I'm glad you came to this board.
God bless!
There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 151
   Posted 8/17/2005 11:27 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Everyone --Cheerdad, Scaredy, Ralph, Rosie, and Lefty -- Thank you so much for replying and offering your advice to me.

Also - I am sorry I didnt post in reply to you all right away! I feel terrible for having waited so long, but you have to understand. I've been very busy!! I probably should have waited to join HW until after we were moved and settled in. But, you know how that is.

Cheerdad, and Lefty -- Your support of me moving was great. Thank you very much.

Scaredy, Ralph and Rosie -- Your advice and points to ponder were terrific - Thank you much!

I have decided as I did before I came here, to go on with our previous decision, and that is, we're going to move. I made my house out to be this magnificent piece of heaven! And it is.... but, it has its negative points too. Which is honestly why we're moving, and I didnt really mention all of these negative because I just didnt want to, because that day I LOVED my house. You know! LOL ....

We put it on the market last week. We had a garage sale this weekend to try and move some of this stuff we've accumulated and don't use!

Scaredy - when you mentioned, how my son would be the most popular in school because he lives on land. Well see. When you live out in the country as we do (even the subdivision were moving too, is in the country) MOST people out here live on land. So, he will actually be a very common child living on land. That is not at all unusual out here where we live. When we move to the subdvsn he will be going to the same school he would be going to if we stayed here on our farm. We're country folk, and even though we wont be living on land anymore, we're still in the country and surrounded by the famaliar country folks.

This subdvsn we're moving to, is out in the middle of nowhere land. All you see are farms and farms, and then all of a sudden this subdivision (its not the only one, but there are few of them in this area). The closest grocery store or any store is a good 20 minutes away. We have closer gas stations, but thats the extent of it. We LOVE it this way. So - I have no question in my mind, as to whether it is SAFE or not. You hear of NO crime in this area. Ive lived in this area my whole life, and the major news in the area is "car accidents caused by Deer". One time we had a storm, and a tree came down in the road.... well we had about 6 police cars surrounding this "tree". They had nothing better to do. It was a HUGE deal!!! LOL. Then there was another time, we had a huge rain fall... big time.... it lightly flooded one of the "major roads" if there is a major road in the country. And of course this was a HUGE NEWS Breaking ordeal of course. So, its really nice. Reminds us of Mayberry! lol

But, this subdvsn is nicer than I made it out to be. I mean YES, houses are right next door to each other, there isn't much space (well not as much as I personally am used too, you know..... but, We plan on going up to some of the houses around the one we're interested in, and introducing ourselves, to see how they are.

I am assuming everyone will be nice. Because you rarely if ever run into someone who has a chip on their shoulder out here. A lot of people talk to you at stop signs when you're driving. You see a lot of trucks pulled over talking to the guy in another truck..... Its a happy little place. When we were hanging yard sale signs friday night. We had 5 people (one of them was a policeman and another was a young woman maybe in her 20's!) stop and ask us if we needed help. They didnt know we were hanging signs, all they saw was a car w/ hazard lights on, stopped on the side of the road!

I remember one time we got a flat tire... late at night, after 10pm (we're nightowls!) ... well, we're out on these dark country roads on a cold wintery night (no snow-just cold). Well DH got out to change tire.. well you know those jacks they provide you with in a car nowadays... aint worth a darn! Anyway, here we are trying to figure this thing out. Some older man stops to ask us if we need help. We try to be polite and say No thank you.... and he said Oh don't be silly - don't use that THING... let me go get you MY JACK!!! Well away he went real quick, and came back less than 10 minutes later with His jack.... this big heavy duty expensive thing.... and he lifted the car in less than 2 seconds and helped my DH change a tire at 10pm, on a cold night!

This is the way people are out here...... So, I would never move from this AREA. Im just moving from the 5 acre land to a smaller parcel. That is what scared me! LOL

But, Im pretty much better now........ Still a little stressed, but I guess that is all normal. Maybe not, my DH seems to think it should be exciting and not stressing. But, I dont deal well with CHANGE. I get content and prefer to stay that way. But, we'll be okay Ive decided.

Thank you again for all your wonderful support!
Take Care,
Just Peachy

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