Can 'getting better' mean feeling worse?

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New Member

Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 8/28/2005 9:34 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm in my late 20s and was diagnosed with depression 5 years ago. I battled with bulimia for years and when I just couldn't function normally anymore I sought help for the bulimia and was told I have depression. In beginning to treat my depression the bulimia slowy but surely became less of an issue and today I can't even remember the last time I had a bulimic episode (thank goodness). I have tried a couple different prescriptions and after fighting the fact that I required medication for the past 5 years I have finally come to terms with it and actually take my meds daily and approx at the same time each day. Although I am a LOT better overall than I was when I was first diagnosed I seem to be worse off in my day-to-day functioning. I am now living back at home with my parents, haven't worked since Nov/04 and don't do much other than sleep, sleep, sleep. I have sought professional advice regarding my constant fatigue and despite taking measures to deal with my fatigue -- iron, various vitamins and supplements and a sleeping aid (to help me fall asleep at night because no matter how much I slept throughout the day I was lying awake at night worrying and crying for hours) -- I have not been able to understand my downward spiral in life. I feel as though I have gone from a functioning lifestyle to a non-existant person. I have an amazingly supportive and understanding family (and a wonderful array of friends that know little about what I go through but manage to continually have patience and understanding for me). I feel that I am finally at a dose of medication where I actually realize that 'oh.. this is what I'm supposed to feel like.. sort of'. I believe that I was so depressed for so long that I didn't realize any different. Now that I'm finally feeling somewhat 'normal' (still have ups and downs.. but recognize moods a lot more clearly now) I wonder why my life (meaning.. functioning and being a part of society) has gotten worse it seems. I feel that I still have a ways to go in finding the 'best-fit' regarding the dosage and/or type of anti-depressent, but I'm finally willing and able to try. Perhaps I am in a lull.. in fact I don't know if this 'subject' makes any sense (this is my first posting :) but I am really at my wits-end with trying so darn hard all the time to 'get/feel better' when I wonder.. am I getting worse???

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 472
   Posted 8/28/2005 1:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear ST,
I hear your pain. I understand what you are going through. The one thing that has to happen is for YOU to come to the terms of your depression and set goals for yourself. I know that sounds easy, and I know it is not. Depression can run your life. I think the first thing you have to do is address your situations that depress you. List them one at a time and work on one at a time and take it one day at a time. I also think you need counseling. We all have to come to terms with the fact that we can't solve our problems alone. I truy believe the longer you allow time to pass, the worse it will be to come to terms.
Case in point. I was in a deep depression for years. I allowed drugs to run my life, pain killers. I ignored my family, wouldn't go anywhere, let my household duties go and frankly, almost list my marriage. I stayed in my comfort zone for years until I realized that I was my own worse enemy. Through the help of counseling and the Lord, I have come to the place that "others have more problems and worse problems than I have" and then the shame comes into play.
If you have a "HP", call upon Him. Thake it day to day. Read the posts and post if you need advice. In your stage,it is better just to read than to write until you feel you have something to share. I will keep you in my prayers.
There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 8/28/2005 1:42 PM (GMT -6)   
Welcome to the forum StillTrying!

Congratulations on kicking your eating disorder!

Have you talked to your doctor about your fatigue? Many things can cause it, but aside from a physical problem or drug related problem, exercise might be the ticket. Moderate exercise, like walking, bicycle, swimming, can really improve your stamina.

I suffer with fatigue too, but it turned out to be as the result of a chronic medical condition. The depression just happened to be diagnosed before the 'real' issue.

I hope some of the others will have some good advice for you!!

In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie          "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Folic Acid, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel (Centrum Silver, B12, B6, Calcium+D,)

Nicky (coquitlam55)
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 505
   Posted 8/28/2005 2:49 PM (GMT -6)   

:-)  Hi StillTrying,

Congratulations on kicking your eating disorder! That's something to be really proud of.

I was "officially" diagnosed with depression in December 2004 though I suspect I have had it a lot longer. It runs in my family, my mom has had it since her early twenties. I also suffer from Chronic Daily Migraine Headaches, which propogates the depression.

At the height of my depression I was numb. i didn't care. My husband could leave, my family could leave, I could get fired, I just didn't care. As I emerged from my depression I started to cry at anything and everything. I was so happy, my husband thought I was nuts, but I was so relieved to feel things again. It had been so long since I had felt everything, I had been completely shut down.

I started seeing a psychologist who specializes in chronic pain and depression and she has helped me significantly. The first thing we did was set a routine - which I fought tooth and nail. So regardless of whether I slept or not the night before I got up each day at the same time, I showered and got dressed and had breakfast. I would get some exercise (go for a walk usually), I would study, visit friends, eat regularly scheduled meals and then at night go to bed at the same time each night. She gave me some information on proper sleep hygiene.

I was the worst for sleep habits, I like to watch TV in bed, I could spend all day in bed. Her recommendations included turning the TV off 1/2 hour before bed. Never watching TV in bed or doing anything but sleeping in bed. Carrying out activities conducive to sleep during the 1/2 hour before bed. I read and drink warm milk.

Sorry this is so long. I'm trying to tell you I've been there and reassure you you're on the road to recovery. These are the tools I used to get further along. My routine is now a job, an easy job, but still a job.

PS Start keeping track of the things you do each day (i.e. getting up, getting dressed, going out), when you suffer from depression those are the things to be proud of.

Good luck!

Coquitlam55 (aka Nicky)
"The world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it." --Helen Keller
I try and remember this each day I have a headache that I'm not sure I can overcome.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 8/28/2005 10:09 PM (GMT -6)   
Wow Nicky,

That took a lot of discipline!! Good for you sis!! YES, the smallest things can really work in our favor.

In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie          "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Folic Acid, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel (Centrum Silver, B12, B6, Calcium+D,)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 8/29/2005 11:30 AM (GMT -6)   
As they say down under "Goodonya"!! While often it seems like things are worse, when I step back and read and reread my journal, I see that progress is being made. I feel you are making progress yourself just by discovering your inner strength to overcome your eating disorder. Keep up the good work and keep facing the light. We will travel in the direction we are facing and right now you are facing a beeter direction.
We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.
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