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AB
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 10/5/2005 6:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi, Everyone~
  Well, I really need someone to talk to. I am a 32 yr old married woman with a 4 yr old child and I actually considered who would get my child if I found a way to kill myself. I even sat down to write a "will" of sorts. All I can do is cry and my child is the one being hurt. I have talked to my doctor and she does not seem to think there is really anything wrong, just a "rough spot." All I can do is cry. My husband is military and has a "you'll get over it" attitude and I really don't know where else to turn. Someone please help.
AB

Red09
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2003
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 10/5/2005 7:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Your DR told you that after you explained how you were feeling? Get another DR!!

You are having thoughts that aren't healthy and you need help. Either by using medication or finding a therapist. Definately talk to somebody! It will help with whatever is going on in your life that is making you feel so down and out.

You're not alone here, keep posting and take it one day at a time. I know things suck right now but it will get better.

Hugs,
Red09


dbab
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 4151
   Posted 10/5/2005 7:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Please AB talk to someone ASAP!!!  You should be able to call your public mental health department or if you are in the US, here are the national suicide hotline numbers:
National Suicide Hotline Numbers :
1-800-SUICIDE
1-800-784-2433
 
Please think hard about what this would do to your child.  I have had those feelings in the past but could never do it because of my son... he is my saving grace.  I would never want to put him through that.  Please contact someone ok sweetie?  Please come back and let us know you are okay
Hugs, Des
Moderator ~ IBS Forum
 
"If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it" - Mary Engelbreit
 
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AB
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 10/5/2005 7:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks, Red~
  We have doctor's at military facilities. Compared to other doctor's I've had, they seem to be very callused to Navy wives "feelings". That's why I wanted some other people to talk to. I seem to be surrounded by people who have the same attitude.
  I'm not sure what's causing these feelings. I've never been diagnosed with depression(with the exception of when I was on Celexa when I was pregnant) but have always had "blue" periods. It's never been this bad though so I had not felt the need to talk to anyone about it until recently. And then to have all feelings thrown to the side like it's my imagination is really a blow. I don't think I could ever go through with a suicide since I do not believe anyone could be a better parent than myself but I still can not believe I entertained that thought and took it so far as to sit down and write it out. I just sit and cry and my daughter comes up and just asks what's wrong and I feel so bad for her but I can't stop crying. I don't want  her to think it is anything she has done. I don't know what is wrong with me and I can't seem to et anyone to listen long enough to figure it out.
  Thanks again for listening.
AB

AB
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 10/5/2005 7:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Des~
Thanks. I just feel like I'm dying inside. I don't want to go anywhere, I think people are just looking at me judging me. Just crying all the time at anything. Gained about 50 pounds in the last 4 months. I'm at my wits end but don't know why. IT's frustrating.
AB

bevhea
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 10/5/2005 10:41 AM (GMT -7)   
I just retired from a Navy civil service job. Here's some comments re base services.

Did you see a corpsman or doctor? If you saw a doctor was it an MD or some sort of a mental health practioner? The latter only come here once a month. Do you have friends on base, who can advise you on who to see? You can also demand to be referred to a doctor in town--that way the Navy insurance pays most of the cost.

I've seen everything from truly great medical care to the poorest possible people at the branch medical clinic. There was a terrible guy on intake just before I left and it took pressuring him to see someone good. He thought he was god or god's gift. Yuck!

The base should have a "family services" office, which is equivalent of mental health. Your spouses unit may have an ombudsman (generally an officer's wife), who helps people adjust to the constant moves, tells spouses about the services in town etc., and that includes mental health services in town. You can also ask to talk to the chaplain.

Like branch medical the quality varies in all of the above.

Now, here's a comment on the sailors. I never saw as many men gathered in one place with such a large percentage of caring, considerate husbands. It was as if in giving up the stability of living in one place and making friends, the cleaved to their wives in something unique and special.

Uncaring husbands either come that way or can be made that way if their command leadership sucks. Depressed or desperate men in poor commands don't make good husbands for as long as they are in the command. If your guy is NOT in that sort of position, then he might be one of the "other kind," who simply take advantage of the wife's isolation to be negectful and demanding. You need to figure out which you are dealing with.

I was the Mom at our command. This is the advice I gave time and time again:

Since I know how it works, I would call mental health in town first to create the least amount of problem at the command. They will intake you on crisis basis right away. You will have to pay them based on income. If you can't get to town, call your husband's command and ask if they have an ombudsman to get help arranging a ride.

If you can't pay or get a ride, call family services. They also should ask you to come in right away. If they don't, call the chaplain, he's a powerful person on base, and I only saw two in all my years who were no good. They do counseling and can refer you. Believe me, if the chaplin calls the branch medical clinic or family services, you will get different treatment.

Lastly, 50 pounds in 4 months would be a shock to the system, self esteem and everything else that makes us feel good about ourselves. Now it's time to put that aside, you can work on that later.  You identified the only important thing--that you are the best mother for your child and you need to be there for her.

bev

Post Edited (bevhea) : 10/5/2005 11:49:12 AM (GMT-6)


AB
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 10/5/2005 12:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Bev~
Thank you for all of that information. The woman I saw was a LT.
And the funny thing about my husband is for the most part he is very supportive in everything else but with this, it's like it isn't a big deal to him. He comes home and talks about other guys wives who have gone to psychiatric wards, etc while they were on deployment and things like that and then follows it with a comment like"I'm glad I have a strong wife who won't make me worry like that.". It makes it very hard to let someone who is counting on you to be strong let them know that you are not strong..not even close and that you are close to falling apart.
My daughter is my life and I do everything I can for her, it just gets really hard sometime but I always put her first. She is my sunshine and always can make me smile so I do my best to make her smile.

dbab
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 4151
   Posted 10/5/2005 12:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi AB,
I can definitely understand where you are coming from when you say that your husband doesn't understand. My husband has even gone to counseling with me so the therapist could explain it all to him... he has seemed now to forget all of that and whenever I start to tell him how I am feeling, he just says "oh, you are being silly" or "grow up"... in fact he said that last night and I had to go lay down and cry. He still didn't get it.
Hugs, Des
Co-Moderator ~ IBS Forum
 
"If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it" - Mary Engelbreit
 
Please help Healing Well continue to help others by donating  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 
 


softy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2004
Total Posts : 798
   Posted 10/5/2005 1:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi AB. I don't have anything to add to the advice already given I just want you to know that you are not alone. This is a temporary thing and won't last forever. Please see another dr. I remember when my children were little I felt isolated and depressed. It will get better. Keep posting and keep us posted on how you're doing. We're here for you and want to listen to you and help :-)
Take care, Softy
 


AB
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 10/5/2005 2:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks, Everyone~
I really needed to hear from others that I'm not overreacting, etc. I try to put on a "game face" for the whole world. It's nice when can let it out.
I am going to make a doctor's appointment tomorrow with the MD on staff at our Naval hospital here instead of the LT. Maybe that will get me a little further into figuring out what the heck is going on.
thanks again.
AB

bevhea
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 10/5/2005 6:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Navy life is very difficult for the spouses--doesn't matter if the spouse is male or female. Your spouse is surrounded daily by people and whether he realizes it or not that is a daily dose of support that you aren't getting.

I really liked those sailors, so I'm glad to hear that he is generally supportive. "I'm glad I have a strong wife who won't make me worry like that" is a telling statement. He would worry.

So you might word things that you are having a little trouble with (loneliness, worry about the weight gain, or any "minor thing") and you are strong enough and smart enough to talk to someone right away. That tells him you are taking charge of your life--exactly what he admires about you.

good luck and much happiness

bev

AB
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 10/6/2005 4:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Bev~
Yes, he is a very good man. I'm just very afraid of disppointing him. He would worry and I don't want to give him cause to worry. He has alot on his plate. I feel like I'm just being whiny but I do appreciate everyone here and the support I am being given now.
My daughter asked me last night if I was sad since I was crying again. I told her yes, a little but it was not her that I was sad about. She came up and gave me a big hug and a kiss and said "Your kisses and huggins make me feel better when I hurt so here.."..it about broke my heart because it was so sweet.
AB

sadpixie
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 10/6/2005 10:34 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi there AB,

 

I am feeling like you are at the moment, and can sympathise with you, I have no kids , but I am destroying my current relationship with my depression. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and I would never have the "pull yourself together" attitude, I think people who do have that attitude towards depressed people are very narrowminded and ignoarant. I have just joined here about 15 minutes and am looking to make some friends here, just to talk to someone who understands me

 

Hope you are feeling better,

*hugs*

Pix xx  


of all the things I have lost I miss my mind the most!


bevhea
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 10/6/2005 4:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Good men do understand. Generally they just need to get past that MAN stuff.

People cry for lots of reasons, if you are a big caffine user or have been on diet soda for 9 years or so, there are studies that either can make you depressed. If you recently moved into your house, materials can be "out gassing" and that can make you depressed and cause a lot more problems, like kids having trouble learning. You could have a chemical imbalance. The list is enormous.

You are starting with a medical doctor and that's good, but even so, while the doc may look for physical causes, odds are that they won't look for the ingested or environmental causes. So you get some other kind of treatment--and it will help you feel better. When you feel better and are thinking clearer, you will be able to check for the other causes yourself.

You are in charge of your daughter's well being. To do that the best you can, you have to take care of your own--and that means in all respects. In the meantime, if you aren't comfortable with telling all to your husband--don't. There is no requirement that says you have to. There is no promise that he will know the right thing to say or do--but he might think there is. Then he will be in a mess too. The way it is, if you don't tell him, when you fall a bit with your daughter--he's still there in good shape to make her life brighter.

So I hope you got to the Dr's appt to day and that you have a glimmer of hope.

Sadpixie and AB: I hope you didn't think I was doing a pull yourself together message. That is the same as saying stuff your problems. I'm saying move away from them by seeking help and taking responsibility for the quality of your own life. I went through a major depression and until I got help, I wasn't helping myself.

bev

Post Edited (bevhea) : 10/7/2005 2:34:02 PM (GMT-6)


sadsunshine
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 398
   Posted 10/6/2005 6:31 PM (GMT -7)   
My husband is retired military. Like most men, he wants to "fix" things. He is finally (after 28 years of marriage) discovering that not all things can be "fixed" that easily. I am recently diagnosed with depression and anxiety although I know I've had "it" for years. I am struggling with finding the right meds and working with a therapist (ALL of my medical is Navy and very good). He forgets that because depression isn't something you can see maybe it's not as serious as we know it is. When I cry or wring my hands or shut myself away in my room, he simply doesn't know what to do. Your husband loves you, just like mine loves me. We feel like "bad" wives, I'm feeling that way right now. Our husbands have tough, stressful jobs and they rarely complain. They serve our country and put themselves in harm's way and we are just sad. Keep the faith, keep writing to the good people here listen and help. That's what I'm trying to do. Take care.
Sadsunshine

sadpixie
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 10/7/2005 4:33 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Bevhea,

 

Thanks for the reply , I appreciate your words. I didn't manage to get an appointment for today, but I am going to get on firs thing Monday, have wrote down all that I want to say, I can't wait to be able to think clearer, I hate feeling like this, I will keep you posted on my progress,

 

take care

Pix xx


of all the things I have lost I miss my mind the most!


bevhea
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 10/7/2005 1:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Good girl.

It took me toooooooooo long to do something about my depression. It's taken my daughter tooo long to do something about hers, but she was faster than me. At her Dr's appointment yesterday, to check on cymbalta, he told her that if she works hard with her counselor and sticks with the med, she may never have another depression after this. Then he added, but if you do, you'll recognize it the next time and get help quicker.

It was a good message of hope for her. Hope you like it too.

bev
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