hi, i am 15 and have been struggling with depression for 6 years and post traumatic stress syndrom for 2 (i was raped at my school). i had been hiding my depression from my parents up until i slit my wrist while at a boarding school (they expelled me for that). after that i started trying to hide from reality by smoking and abusing cough meds. i was admitted to a phyciatric hospital for trying to od myself with alcohol... i spent a month there. im going to a private school right now, my parents put me there partly cause they dont really trust me anymore (cant say they dont have good reson tho). in know that this sounds like a cleshay but i have no friends. i spend all of my time surfing the web and things like that. recently ive started having panic attacks. sometimes i lash out on my family and dont even remember doing it. i just want to hit something. i feel like im such a horrible person and a complete waste of a life. all i want is to feel better and sadly the only thing ive found that works is getting high (ive managed to risist those urges thankfully).
i dont know how much longer i can hang on, how much longer i can keep living behind this mask. the people around my just make things worse. i want to go back, before any of this happened... i want to be back in the place that i could call home. it just seem so easy to let go, to just give up... it is so hard to get up in the morning and contine living. i have dreams of being in a better place, somewhere i can be happy and forget about the things that have happened
please help me i cant hold on much longer