cant do this anymore!

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New Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 10/11/2005 7:27 PM (GMT -6)   
hi, i am 15 and have been struggling with depression for 6 years and post traumatic stress syndrom for 2 (i was raped at my school). i had been hiding my depression from my parents up until i slit my wrist while at a boarding school (they expelled me for that). after that i started trying to hide from reality by smoking and abusing cough meds. i was admitted to a phyciatric hospital for trying to od myself with alcohol... i spent a month there. im going to a private school right now, my parents put me there partly cause they dont really trust me anymore (cant say they dont have good reson tho). in know that this sounds like a cleshay but i have no friends. i spend all of my time surfing the web and things like that. recently ive started having panic attacks. sometimes i lash out on my family and dont even remember doing it. i just want to hit something. i feel like im such a horrible person and a complete waste of a life. all i want is to feel better and sadly the only thing ive found that works is getting high (ive managed to risist those urges thankfully).
i dont know how much longer i can hang on, how much longer i can keep living behind this mask. the people around my just make things worse. i want to go back, before any of this happened... i want to be back in the place that i could call home. it just seem so easy to let go, to just give up... it is so hard to get up in the morning and contine living. i have dreams of being in a better place, somewhere i can be happy and forget about the things that have happened
please help me i cant hold on much longer

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 10/11/2005 7:45 PM (GMT -6)   
The better place you want to be in isn't geographical and it's not where you were before. You will find it in your mind, when the time is right. In the meantime have any medications been prescribed? Are you seeing a counselor?

Congratulations on having the strength and stamina to resist the urge to get high. That is important because alcohol and street drugs only make it harder to get where you want to be.

One of the worst things about a rape is how the helping people and family treat you afterwards. If you had bad experiences, like them telling you to forget it or worse, that sucks. But you can get back on the same or a better path than you were on before a rape. Think of it like a car going off the road. You can drive the car back onto the road. Will it come out at the same place? No, it will actually be a bit ahead of where it was.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2004
Total Posts : 798
   Posted 10/14/2005 10:58 PM (GMT -6)   
I really don't know what to say to you. Your post made me want to cry and give you a great big hug. You are a strong, worthwhile person who has a bright future ahead of you. With a little help along the way, you will one day shine. Please talk to someone and get some help. Do you not have friends because you are having trouble trusting?
Take care, Softy

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