not sure what to do anymore

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sadtech
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 10/19/2005 6:43 PM (GMT -7)   
 

Post Edited (sadtech) : 10/24/2005 8:57:03 PM (GMT-6)


softy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2004
Total Posts : 798
   Posted 10/19/2005 7:51 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi sadtech and welcome :-) .  I must admit being the depressed one that I too can be hard to live with at times.  Sometimes, there's just no pleasing me  tongue  .  I know that at times I just lash out at my husband not on purpose but just because I don't care about anything at the time.  You know the old saying "misery loves company". 

Do you two communicate well?  Could you sit down and tell her that you know she is hurting but that gives her no right to hurt you.  Let her know you're there to help her.  Is she in counselling? Maybe could I recommend couples counselling so you both can support each other.  Are the new meds helping?   

You sound like a very supportive spouse Sadtech.  Please take care of yourself during this time also. 

 

 


Take care, Softy
 


curley
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 4305
   Posted 10/19/2005 7:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi and welcome to HW,

I'am sorry that your wife is so depressed,and I know that it can take a tole on our loved one's as well.It's not that we want to hurt the one's we love but for some reason severe depression will cause us to lash out for no reason.

Is your wife seeing a therapisits?if not I think that maybe you'll need to look into it,I know that it has helped me alot.They also have joint therapey so the other spouse can better understand what is going on and to help you to be ble to deal with what your wife is going through.Please let us know how your wife and your self are doing.and yes you have come to the right place.
Thanks
Curley......
a.k.a.Mela...........


CheerDad
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 10/20/2005 12:14 PM (GMT -7)   
sorry to hear that things are so difficult right now. One thing I have learned over the past couple of years in learning to live with my depression is not to let the actions of others affect how I am feeling. Difficult to practice, but when I am able to apply it, I am a much happier person. Your wife's depression is hard to live with. Ask my wife, she will tell you what a monster I was. Just being able to find a safe place like HW to express yourself is a great place to start. Keep us posted on how you are doing. Hope more rays of sunlight find their way into your life soon, and again, welcome to our family.
We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.
 
Randy
 
Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/


sadsunshine
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 398
   Posted 10/20/2005 12:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sadtech. Welcome to HW!
This is a great place to come when you are frustrated and/or need support. I don't have much advice for you but I have a lot of respect for you for wanting to reach out and help you wife.
I can tell you , as one who suffers form depression and anxiety, that we feel very alone. We feel as if we cannot make our loved ones understand how we feel.
Read up on depression, try to be patient ( I KNOW it can be hard). You can't "fix" it, you can just offer hugs, love, and support. Understand that you, the one closest to her, will probably bear the brunt of her symptoms. You are her safe place to fall. She can be herself with you, not put on a happy mask (we all have one!). Your love and patience will pay off. It won't last forever.
(You caught me on a good day, yesterday was a horrible day for me!)

Peace,

Sadsunshine

CheerDad
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 10/21/2005 12:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Hang tough and I hope your weekend is better than you fear. Thoughts are with you.
We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.
 
Randy
 
Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/


sadsunshine
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 398
   Posted 10/21/2005 1:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Vent away friend, that's what we do!!!

Is your wife open to therapy? Can you talk to her about the change in her personality since the med change or will she take your head off? Can you talk to her doctor? I know there is confidentiality and all that but maybe you could share your concerns?

Focus on your baby, stay strong.

We're here if you need us!!

Peace,

Sadsunshine

sadsunshine
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 398
   Posted 10/21/2005 3:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Sadly your wife's therapy sounds very much like mine. It is not helpful, but I go.
Is there any way you could get her to post here? I have found it so helpful. It makes me feel good to be able to help others and when I need them, there is always someone here to pick me up.
Good luck. You sound like a great daddy and husband.

Peace,
Sadsunshine

sadsunshine
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 398
   Posted 10/21/2005 7:37 PM (GMT -7)   
You break my heart . . .
I have been pushing my husband away lately too. We are more like roommates. I don't get angry, I have just turned into a hermit. Give me my laptop and the rest of the "real" world can go away.
I live in Virginia Beach, southeast coast so no, WW3 would not be good!!
We are all thinking positive thoughts for you. If you need a break, come paint MY bathroom!!!!


Peace friend,
Sadsunshine
(I would kiss my hubby more often but he kind of ignores me, almost like he's glad I'm not sad in his face . . .He's agreat guy but I know why depression and anxiety is taking a toll on him. )

sadsunshine
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 398
   Posted 10/22/2005 9:17 AM (GMT -7)   
You name it! You're the pro!!
Happy weekend . . .

Peace Friend,

Sadsunshine

sadsunshine
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 398
   Posted 10/23/2005 3:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Sounds perfect!!! Hope you weekend was not as bad as you had feared. It's almost over!!!!

Sadsunsine

sadsunshine
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 398
   Posted 10/23/2005 3:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Ya know, as I went back and looked over some of the threads I got a little worried. Don't completely lose who you are. Being supportive, patient, loving, those are good. Don't give up yourself, don't change who you are, in the hopes that that will make her better. Husbands are husbands, they sometimes do dumb things. That's not why your wife is depressed. Maybe YOU should get a little counseling for yourself so that you can hold onto your sanity.

Thinkin' aboutcha,

Sadsunshine

(I'm not a doctor, don't even play one on T.V., just an observation!)

sadsunshine
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 398
   Posted 10/24/2005 7:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Sadtech,
You break my heart
I am really glad that you have a doctor to talk to, I hope that helps,
We all start out with fairy tale dreams and reality comes along and intrudes all too often.
You DO sound overwhelmed and unhappy. Do you have a relationship with your parents? Her family? Is it the depression that is causing all of this anger? It's kind of surprising.

To use your words, stay positive. you're in my thoughts.

Sadsunshine

sadsunshine
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 398
   Posted 10/24/2005 2:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Yikes, what to do indeed. I hope you continue to stay in contact with your mom. My son is 27 and I don't know what I would do if he couldn't talk to me.

Okay, open your mind, take a deep breath. What is the worst thing that could happen if YOU put your foot down and started taking control of your life back? I know you love your wife but you can't live your whole life waiting for an explosion. Depression or no depression. It's not healthy for you or your daughter. Maybe ww3 needs to happen?

Just a thought. I know it's easier to avoid the confrontations (trust me, I avoid them at all costs) but you can't be expected to live your life this way either.

Wish I had some real words of wisdom.

Peace friend,

Sadsunshine

sadsunshine
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 398
   Posted 10/25/2005 6:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Just checkin' on you. Everything okay??

Sadsunshine

sadtech
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 10/26/2005 5:45 PM (GMT -7)   

guess so ,thought I would delete my post as I left it open on computer so wife would look at ,didnt want ww3 to break out ,you know what I mean.

I dont think it worked as she never said anything so ,I am pretty much ready to give up !!and go with the flow

 


sadsunshine
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 398
   Posted 10/27/2005 6:40 PM (GMT -7)   
So sorry. You are a patient guy. Let us know if we can help. We're here for you!

Peace, Sadsunshine
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