Anyone have helpful hints on how to deal with negativity?

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laura_at_a_lowpoint
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 10/21/2005 6:04 PM (GMT -7)   
I hate being depressed, but don't really know how to combat it as it creeps up on me.  I am depressed now, and will seek help.  does anyone have some idea of how I can make myself get moving and through days?  I have been throguh this before, too.  I was diagnosed with major depression (at age 20 or so), possibly chronic or recurring,  and have successfully come through it 3 times i am 35 now.  I am depressed again, though, and I hate it. 
 
My fiance doesn't quite get it either - how one cannot change one's perceptions overnight- it drives both of us crazy that I think only in worst case scenarios - i hear brakes screech and assume someone has run over a dog.  I don't know.  It happens on a small scale, too, and is seriously impacting my relationship, my work, and my ability to want to get out of bed in the morning.
 
I look forward to nothing, I do horribly escapist things like read for 6 hours on end rather than do anything (i read rather than worked yesterday - and when one works for onesself, that's a destructive habit to start), i don't keep my promises to myself (like not reading rather than working, etc), and i wake up each morning with a huge knot of anxiety and unhappiness in my gut.  i just want to crawl out of my own skin and get away from the way i feel.  and why can't i escape into work or something that matters?  i am making a mess of my life, and cannot afford to do that at all. 
 
i'm sorry.  i promise i will get help.  i just started again on Zoloft, and it has worked well for me in the past, but i want to work with someone - i did not need to slip this far into depressive and escapist bad habits.  I think i needed to vent....  sorry. 
 
i just don't know how to make my sweetheart understand either - i am not suicidal, i would never take my own life.  he does not understand the difference between feeling suicidal and just feeling so low that the occasional "wish i never had existed" thought runs through your mind.  and yes, i am disgusted and horrified and upset with that thought, and that's the one that spurs me to seek help and try to think of the things i love....  fiance, dog, autumn colors, being outdoors, whatever
 
i don't know how to help him understand that i know i can and will be ok, but it is going to take time...  ugh...
 

sadtech
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 10/21/2005 6:30 PM (GMT -7)   

you know from Time to time I feel low and don't want to exist anymore either ,I turned here because my wife suffers like yourself almost to a tee ,and she has been like this for a couple years now and it has brought me down to alow point I don't like but I catch myself and try not to let myself get depressed does'nt always happen but...my point is My betterhalf suffers like you and I get down from time to time trying to deal with her amongst other things ,I turned here and started reading and the things I understand are amazing .venting to others is good and also other peoples perspective on things is eye opening I know my wife would never kill herself but she does wish she never existed ...bottom line for me this place and the people here are helping me understand my wife and myself for that matter and I thank them all for that.

Believe it or not my wife has started walking every night and maybe the fresh air who knows but she is more positive when she exercises than whan she doesnt ,try changing your routine

stay positive and happy. and also you will see lots of people will try to assist you here they are great


sadsunshine
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 398
   Posted 10/21/2005 7:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Laura and welcome!!
We have all been where you are, some of us are there as we speak.
With the help of my therapist I have come to the realization that my husband will not understand. He is my high school sweetheart, we have been married for 28 years. We've gone through our share of "growing pains" but we hang in there. He is a nuclear engineer. He is a fixer. He likes to follow the steps in the manual and fix things. He is wired differently. We finally had a long talk about it. Usually it turns into a fight. WHY are you sad?? WHY are you so stressed. I just AM. There isn't always a why. He is frustrated that he can't "fix" things. It's just not logical!! I have made him understand that I usually just need a hug. I need a "sorry you feel so bad". I probably shouldn't be left alone as often as I am but I like it and he finds othet things to do.
The wish that we just not wake up in the morning is fairly typical. I am not suicidal either but there are times that if someone else would do it for me I might by into it.
Please seek help. In the meantime this a a wonderful, caring group of understanding friends. There is always someone here to offer suport.

Good luck, check back with us and let us know how you are.

Peace, Sadsunshine

bevhea
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 10/22/2005 12:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Now I'm really going against the crowd. Depression can be a happy thing. It means you need to listen to your intervoice and make some sort of change in your life, for yourself. I found a line like that in a book and when I learned to make small changes, I got better, and better, and better.

The change can be walking like the wife above. It only has to be something for you. If you are like me you can't stick to doing the same day everyday when you are depressed (and otherwise in my case), so my counselor suggested "finishing" a project everyday. One day it was no more than going out and picking weeds. The next day is was frame a photo. The after I painted those weeds black, silver, and gold. The next day I finished a previously unfinished small knitting project. The day after I put those weeds in a vase.

I kid you not, knowing I needed to "finish" something for myself everyday, really helped.

bev

CristalRN
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 10/22/2005 8:33 AM (GMT -7)   
When I'm in the grip of a depressive episode, it's all I can do to even get dressed or eat -- If I'm feeling really down, there's no question about me leaving the house -- I can't force myself to leave to go anywhere at all -- I try to set small daily goals for myself, even if I can't leave the house, like "Today I will pick up the living room," or something that makes me feel better when it's done. Small accomplishments seem to get me going better, and if I think of everything that has to be done, I get overwhelmed at all of it & give up & do nothing, so I try to focus on things in smaller sections so I know I can achieve something during a day like that.

laura_at_a_lowpoint
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 10/22/2005 3:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all - I am feeling a little better after all that.... And I agree about the small achievable goal thing. I need to do it, it helps you get a grip on the bigger things. The self discipline to keep to the goals is tough when one does not want to move.

Do lists help or hinder? I tend to beat myself up when I don't meet my goal, so I set minimal ones.... Not always, but sometimes.

Thanks, again everyone for helping me get through a rough evening. I am by no means through the depressive episode, but I am not scraping the bottom of the barrel like last night.

bevhea
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 10/22/2005 3:36 PM (GMT -7)   
I think lists depend on your attitude about things not done. Having huge lists with hundreds of things on them, doesn't bother me in the least. I keep them in the spiral bound notebooks intended for school kids. I don't start new lists, so everytime I look at it, I can see how much is crossed off. That always makes me feel better and it might be handy to show hubby, if he complains--I never tried that.

If something gets put off so long that I've forgotten what the note means, I delete it. If it's buried in earlier pages, I cross it off and write it at the end (always feel like a good cheat).

I make and toss short lists for the immediate things, like pick up bread or pay a bill, but I most of the time I forget I've made the list, just wing it, and toss the list when I run across it again.

bev
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