why does nobody understand

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james73
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 10/25/2005 12:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello,
I found this site and think it is great,my question is does anyone besides me feel like nobody understands me or yourself ,why I get moody and depressed all the time why I cant be happy all the time ,why when I am at alow point I want to just curl up in a closet and hide from the world .Surely it is not just me I know that but I just wish my wife could understand me once and awhile.
I am at a very low point today ,feeling very useless ,wish I could fall off the face of the earth and nobody notice ..not gonna happen but thats where I would like to be today no push lately at home or work .
Sorry to vent my feelings at you people but I can't talk to my wife as she doesnt understand wher I am coming from.
thanks for listening I feel a little better getting it off my chest even if I am typing my thoughts sad

sadsunshine
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 398
   Posted 10/25/2005 1:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi and welcome!!

This is a great site full of caring, supportive people. We all totally understand how you feel.

Nice to meet you, come back and let us know how you are!!!

Peace,
Sadsunshine

Jan Marie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 1663
   Posted 10/25/2005 1:13 PM (GMT -7)   
James you have come to the right place! Here at HW there are people who really do understand how you feel because they have felt it too. Don't apologise for venting your feelings - that's what we all do - and it really does help. I am usually on the anxiety forum but I just wanted to welcome you here.

james73
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 10/25/2005 1:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank-you both just having a really bad day and had to get off my chest

Checkers
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 10/25/2005 1:45 PM (GMT -7)   
James...I totally relate!!!!!  My husband does NOT understand.  I hate this thing. I wish I could help you and so many others and myself.  I sure am trying though.  I am on my 3rd appeal for disability and scared.  I am told the Judge is abrupt and harsh and I know I will be weak.  But....this is what is.  I just have to be honest and let it out everything I have been suffering with for years.  You are NOT alone.  I found this out 2 years ago.  This life is very hard and full of emotions and confusion.  Hang in there one day at a time.  Big hugs to you and everyone in this heck.    checkers

Annieoakley
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 10/25/2005 1:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi James and Welcome to HW,
I really do understand how you feel, when I feel grumpy or angry (Moody)( which is almost always) I get "oh she's in one of her moods again" and I'm like "I cannot not help the way I feel...I don't want to feel this way" and my husband says "you can control your feelings...just do it" why is it so easy for people who don't suffer like we do, or feel what we feel..can just say things like that , it frustrates me so much...just once I wish they could be in our shoes for 1 day!! Hang in there James it will pass and we are all here for you.

Checkers, don't them those people at disability break you...stay strong..do you have an atty???

Annie

Fibromyaligia, dx Oct 2004 but we are sure I have had this for about 4-5 yrs maybe longer.
Chronic fatigue Syndrome dx 1995
Anxiety/Panic attacks dx 1990
M.S. dx June 29th 2005
Anemia dx Jan 2005
Depression..lets just say for a while now.

Meds: Amitriptyline
Lorazepam
Celexa
Ferrous Glouconate
Ibuprofen 600mg
and soon to start on
Rebif or Avenox

james73
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 10/26/2005 12:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Argghhh!!!!and to make matters worst she is at me to go get snipped and at me and at me .I feel like telling her to leave me th h... alone about it all but an argument is not what I want right now.All I want is peace and quiet and not to feel like this anymore.
thanks for the replys at least someone else understands how I feel and listens

james73
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 10/26/2005 7:28 PM (GMT -7)   
sad  hey, annie and checkers thanks for the notes,
I figured I should sit down and write something down because I really don't want to be here on this green earth period.Had bad thoghts go thru my head ,and I don't like them so ,
Tonight had a huge fight with the better half,I just cant deal with all that ,she will not give me a break,I had a terrible day, from the time I got home she has been at my throat,about stupid things ,well I stood my ground tonight and now she went to bed yelling at me for having a bad day and coming home and putting her in a bad mood ,forget why I had a bad day,..she didnt even ask!!!I feel so alone !And frustrated and confused and mad and angry and sad and feel like banging my haed against the wall from frustration.
If only we all could be in a better place !!!I would be the first one there welcoming everyone!!!
that feeels better

Checkers
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 10/27/2005 4:12 AM (GMT -7)   
yeah  Morning James and Annie and anyone else who reads this,  I have been so angry lately because my husband does not make any effort to know or care why I have been so down and weapy and sleepy and isolated/  Yesterday at my hearing I was told to get a psychiatric evaluation so the Judge can better know whats going on with me.  He does not feel my General doctor who has treated me for 15 years and delivered both my sons, knows enough with his skills.  Crazy huh?  Most people rely on their family doctors to guide them and prescribe meds and know alot of stuff going on with us.  Oh well, just a delay for me again.  I totally understand not wanting to live anymore. We have way too much time on our hands and it's too much to handle .  My sons are my only reason to stay.  I mean that.  I am such an emotional wreck lately.  I just want to be alone and when I am, I escape.  Thats no life.  Hold on.  There is a book we need to read called " A MILLION LITTLE PIECES"  please check it out, everyone.  Next week I will try and go to a new church with the kids.  No husband.  He can deal with his selfish life on his own.  I have finally given up on our marriage.  Almost 11 years and mainly out of financial means...Not worth this pain anymore.  Just know you are not alone with anything bad.  I know I am not either.  Big hugs, til later...xoxoxoxoxox  Checkers
 

softy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2004
Total Posts : 798
   Posted 10/27/2005 11:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi and welcome James. I suffer from depression and mu husband does not. I think if you don't suffer from it, it must be really hard to understand how one can get so down and wish to not exist.

Do you and your wife always have troujble communicating or just lately? If you find it's alot, maybe you could get some joint counselling. I hope things brighten up for you James :-)
Take care, Softy
 


Annieoakley
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 10/27/2005 1:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Checkers,
I am so sorry that your husband is acting that way, you really do need all the support that you can get.
I don't blame you for being angry...not one bit. Who told you to get a Psychiatric evaluation?? I think witht he years that you have been with your Dr should be enough... Do you go to counseling or a therapist??
please post here often so that we can help as much as we can. Your in my thoughts and prayers.
take care of yourself.
Annie


Fibromyaligia, dx Oct 2004 but we are sure I have had this for about 4-5 yrs maybe longer.
Chronic fatigue Syndrome dx 1995
Anxiety/Panic attacks dx 1990
M.S. dx June 29th 2005
Anemia dx Jan 2005
Depression..lets just for a while now.

Meds: Amitriptyline
Lorazepam
Celexa
Ferrous Glouconate
Ibuprofen 600mg
and soon to start on
Rebif or Avenox

Annieoakley
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 10/27/2005 1:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi james,
I just wanted to come in and check on you to see how you are doing today and wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you and that you are also in my prayers.
Annie


Fibromyaligia, dx Oct 2004 but we are sure I have had this for about 4-5 yrs maybe longer.
Chronic fatigue Syndrome dx 1995
Anxiety/Panic attacks dx 1990
M.S. dx June 29th 2005
Anemia dx Jan 2005
Depression..lets just for a while now.

Meds: Amitriptyline
Lorazepam
Celexa
Ferrous Glouconate
Ibuprofen 600mg
and soon to start on
Rebif or Avenox

james73
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 10/27/2005 2:33 PM (GMT -7)   

hey checkers and annie

know how you feel checkers and same back at you life will get better we cant get any lower.

and annie thanks for caring

just another low day wife not home yet but called ragging already going to hide on her go for a walk or something, be back after

thanks again guys and checkers thanks i caught them lol


Checkers
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 10/27/2005 10:28 PM (GMT -7)   
yeah  Thanks Annie and James..It's great to know people are here and do understand...Bigger hugs  xoxooxoxxoxoxoox  See ya soon. Checkers

Red Rose
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 10/28/2005 1:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi James.
I feel like that constantly. In addition to my depression that my husband completely doesn't understand is the fact that most of my stress comes from him. He drinks everynight, smokes pot all day long, also grows and sells it. What's so weird is that he's self employed and does very well in his business. I have to learn to not let it get to me. I have no where to go because I'm living on SSDI. I just throw myself into my hobbies, anything to distract myself from my pain and depression. Somedays I just want disappear, pack up my truck and drive to God knows where. Other days I'm afraid to leave the house and never want to go anywhere ever again. It sucks living like this and I recently realized that I will have to deal with this the rest of my life. Does that mean we'll never be happy? Ever?
Fibromyagia since 1997
Bi-lateral Cervical Radiculopathy from C4-C8
Bi-lateral Thoracic Outlet Syndrome
Cervical cancer-in remission
Meds:
Wellbutrin
Xanax
Ultram
Plus vitamins and herbs
That's it cause I won't let them put on any more and they keep trying!


james73
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 10/28/2005 6:55 PM (GMT -7)   

Red rose,

Someone told me that if you want to be happy you can be,first you have to want to be .I thought for a long time that was bull,I try to stay positive tell myself to stay positve it helps me some

the meds are helping me to.The other thing that helps me is coming here ,the people are great and wont judge you.

I  come back often dont comment much but just recently found this and getting used to it

Anyways this is my opinion might not work for anyone but I think I have to try to remain positive to be happy or at least not as depressed

 

 


james73
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 10/28/2005 7:26 PM (GMT -7)   
I used to drink alot before to cope with my wife, I have given that up as it was getting me in troubl and not helping her ,my wife suffers from depression and anxiety,
my doc has put me on ant depressants cause I depressed,I didnt want to admit it foer a long time but when I didnt want to do anything be involved with anything I knew something was up ,I lived with someone like that for a long time.I wont tell her that I went to see doc as she will blame herself and I know what it does but I wish we could talk civilly because she says I was her happy pill for a long time and for last year I dont keep her happy.its hard to when your not ,cant put the happy face on trying.I changed my name on here because I was trying to get my wife to look but it didnt work so i was sadtech will keep this one sorry for that ..trying to get myself back and her too as she is my life and I want her to be happy

sadsunshine
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 398
   Posted 10/28/2005 7:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi James,
I wondered where you had gone. Both of you depressed and on meds?

WE are glad you are on the face of the earth and so is your wife. It sounds as if you have tried everything. My husband is getting better everyday, more understanding. We have been together for a long time, since high school, and I know he think this crap of mine was part of the deal. I don't get angry, I withdraw. If you are both going through depression you are handling it differently.

You know the people here care about you and want you to be happy. Don't give up on her or on yourself. Have youasked a therapist about how to deal with all of this?

We're thinkin' aboutcha . . .

Sadsunshine

james73
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 10/28/2005 7:47 PM (GMT -7)   
,I fought admitting that i was, dont think its bad, do have difficult times just havent been able to deal latly 15mg celexa compared to wifes 200mg efffexorand whatever wellbutrin is why I dont think its ba d for me but dont like feeling this way,I wanted to be so out of this world the other day (i am cool now)and i neer was like that,find talking helps .still dont like to admittt problem nobdy I know but my mom knows I went for help ashamed to admitt it i guess

sadsunshine
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 398
   Posted 10/29/2005 6:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Silly boy. There are some things in life we need help with. There is NO shame in it at all. I go to a therapist at a military hospital. The big, burly marines and naval personnal that come in and out of there would amaze you.
You have tried going it alone. You aren't just doing it for you but for wife and your little girl. I'm glad you told your mom. I'm sure she understood. She raised a comapssionate son.
We are all proud of how hard you have tried, of the things that you have done but it's okay to need help. It makes us human.

Peace friend,

Sadsunshine

james73
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 10/29/2005 9:42 PM (GMT -7)   

hey sadsunshine thanks I know i shouldnt feel ashamed and I try not to but hate feeling like I failed my fam and myself,but i did go see doc wil look for another as she justwannts me to read this and that ..well I have read enough books over past few yearsso I will bve calling around next week.

Hey liz your the best hun thanks for always listening when I need to vent ,Ha d a pretty good day till piked them up found out she didnt take medss, as soon as she got in car..i dropped them off at home and gave her a couple hrs was goood after that

Thanks guys i apprciate everything here


sadsunshine
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 398
   Posted 10/30/2005 10:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Friend,
I'm just so sorry you're having such a tough time. It's gotta be rough when you are both depressed.
Wish I could do more, which I had some amazing, witty, helpful advice.
I'm here, we're all here . . .

Robin

sheryl=jk
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 4083
   Posted 10/30/2005 5:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi JAmes welcome to the forum, I am new to this forum but not healingwell, I usaully post inthe attention deficit or the lupus, but have been so over come woth depression, stress, and anxiety latley I am venturing out to the other forums. I am on 150 zoloft in morning and .5 of klonpin twice a day, still extremly derpressed, and anxious and stressed.
My son is bipolar and adhd, he has just had another med change hopefully fo the better, daughter is mildly autistic, adhd, bipolar and tourettes, and she is probebly going to be getting a med change tomorrow, as what she is on is no longer acheving what its suppose to, its taken me almost a year to find another child phychiatrist to see her, as she was on medicaid due to her sutism, but she was dropped because she is to hi functioning, and my insurance has no one with in 200 miles will see a child, and now finally i found one about an hour away, I can handle that, just hope med change helps, she has multiple issues to many too list, check out adhd forum under the title autism, pdd, adhd, bioplar tourettes, phyzophrenia, it will give the whole story. I complety understnad how you feel that no one cares, as that is how I feel right now, I found out july 28th of this year that my mother passsed away june 28th, she was in an assisted living home in vegas, I am in goergia. A freind out there of hers has been doing the foot work for me, story is she was sick with a stomach ache begining of june, died 3 weeks later of heartatttack. trying to get medical records, and her docotor would not release, so the friend immediatly called the medical examiners to have record sealed so doctor could not tamper with them, when the medical examiners questioned the doctor, he told them to go to hell, and he has now lost his liscne, what has he done that was so bad he was willing to lose his liscence, the medical examiners suggested maybehe took a life insurance policy out on her. She did not put me and my sister down as next to kin, as she has much debt and did not want to burden us, she has mental problmes as well, she was a genuius but along with that came manic depression, anxiety, obesity. She had a long hard sad life, her son my brother was schizophrenic, he died riding a motorcycle which he had know Idea how to ride but thought he could, and went head on to a telephone pole. that was in 1982, i was 13 he was 17, I am 36 now.
I am having a hard time trying to get my mothers medical record to see what happened, I dont want this guy to get away with murder. My half sister was murdered at the age 17 by her cousins boyfriend, my stupid aunt would not take me to the funeral, it was far, i had no car and was a new driver anyway. My moters bofriend who basically raised me killed himlef at the age of 49, I was 10, my own father disowned our whole family when I was 10. Sorry i am just pouring out everything here, as I realy have no where else to vent, and today had to have my neighbor who is the sheriff of the county come shoot my dying cat, to put her out of misery. And really no one seems to care, husband has said nthing. He is upstairs watching a football game. I weigh a bit more than when we were married, i am not obese by any means but still dont look like a model anymore, and he is very into thin women. I dont feel like he is atrrated to me anymore, I feel like he would be better off if we never met me had the kids, so we would not be a financial burden to him,
I m not the best with money, and he is. He has alot of his own stress, drinking is his way of releiving it and smoking, he wont take anxiety or anti deoressants, wish he would, he sure could use some. He told me awhile back he uised to be a free spirtit, now he is not. basically I just feel like burden to him and everyone. I know I sound sucicidal but I am not, that would be very unselfish act, my kids need me, and the few freinds I have need me, and I guess my husband needs me. But I do feel very overwhemled and exhausteed physcially, emotionally , spirtually, I try to remain positve and have faith, it can just be so hard sometimes, I really feell like no one understands, I have been wanting to post on here for awhile but scared to, just as I am scared to tell my feelings and thoguhts to my husband, afraid of rejection, critisicsm etc. but if I cant tell anyone here,  then there really is no one I can tell. Sorry James for pouring out my story on your thread, but I just got emotional and really needed to vent. Please pray my daughters pyhciatrist appt goes well tomorrow, my next phychiatrsit appt for me  is in two weeks, I think I am going to have him switch me from klonipin to xanax, as i have read it also helps with severe depression as well. Ok sorry for rambling, I do feel better getting things off my chest to someone.
please forgive me for such a long post. JAmes I will be praying your situation improves as well, tkae care...Love....Sheryl


***Take Care.....Sheryl***
 
SERENITY PRAYER: "GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE; COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN; AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE........

Post Edited (jk) : 10/30/2005 5:57:38 PM (GMT-7)


james73
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 10/30/2005 8:08 PM (GMT -7)   
jk,my problem is nothing compared to what you are goin thru,I am not a spiratual type of guy but will keeepyou in my prayers.
It is good to vent ,I find it helps me .vent at me when ever you want if it helps you .It is frustrating not being able to confide in your spouse I know what you are saying ,in a little diff circumstance than you but know what you are talking about.
stay strong and positive and I';ll say a prayer for you tonight
j

sheryl=jk
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 4083
   Posted 10/31/2005 4:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks j, by the way thats what my son goes by. I do feel better that I vented, so much bottled up, and no where to let it out, I apppreciate you kindness in listening, its means alot to me. My brothers name was james, he went by jimmy. Anyways thanks again, I will post how daighters phychitrist appt goes. Hope you have a good day.

***Take Care.....Sheryl***
 
SERENITY PRAYER: "GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE; COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN; AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE........

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