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Claire-Bear
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 242
   Posted 11/23/2005 9:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi,
 
I wonder if anyone can help me/give me advice?
 
My mum suffers from depression - one of my earliest memories is of her taking her antidepressive tablets in the morning.  She's still on them.  She's been taking them for over 20 years now, I'd say maybe even 30.  It's sad and it makes me so worried as she can't come off them.  Her doctor lowered her dose and she ended up almost having a breakdown and going into hospital for a week - I stress, that was just by lowering the dose a bit!  She will not talk to anyone about anything.  She'll constantly complain about something (anything no matter how small), but if I try to talk to her then she closes up.  I don't know why she suffers from this (whether there was a traumatic event that happened) and I find it so difficult to get my head round why this is happening!  I can understand her being depressed, my sister also suffers from it and I did to a certain extent but it's the fact she won't talk, won't take advice, won't help herself that really gets to me.  She has to go to the doctors/hospital and she is encouraged to talk but from what my stepdad says she just gives one word answers and doesn't respond.  Please tell me that someone here knows why she does this and can just help me understand?  I'm not looking for a cure, I'm not looking for someone to do anything other than help me understand!  Sometimes, I just don't want to even call her as she makes everything seem so bad.  I know it's awful of me, but when she complains about something I can either listen (and feel down) or try to give some advice (for which she'll cut me down with a really hurtful comment).  I'm sorry if this is really rambling now, but as you can probably understand this has been on my mind a very very long time.
 
C x

bevhea
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 11/23/2005 1:19 PM (GMT -7)   
My mother was a woman with secrets. I knew the worst of her secrets, but she denied. After her death my daughter followed up on my childhood memories and confirmed each one, plus found one more thing that made sense out of all of it.

Today I understand. Understanding doesn't make a difference. Since you know that she makes everything seem bad and how she reacts to your responses, perhaps you should find new responses.

One of mine used to be to run through a song, while she talked "in 1814 we took a little trip." I was so used to it, that I had three natural childbirths singing that song--and no pain. Mum indicates you may be from England or Australia, so maybe "waltzing matilda" for you.

Believe it or not, I'm being serious. Let your mom say what she wants, protect yourself by giving her half attention and don't try to "make it better for her." Someday her ramblings will give you the answers you seek now.

bev

Claire-Bear
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 242
   Posted 11/23/2005 3:12 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks Bev, I think you're right to be honest.  When my mum went into hospital it brought to a head a lot of things that were swept under the carpet and then we had to all come to terms with the fact that this is an illness and a way of life for our mum.  It's taken a long while for me to accept that there's absolutely NOTHING I can do to help.  Nothing.  I don't want to put a dampener on anyone else - but I have to accept she's never going to get better.  I thought maybe understanding why she's like this would help me at least but I will seriously think over what you've said.  Thanks for answering my thread.

xx

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