Post Edited (Nanse) : 11/26/2005 8:29:39 AM (GMT-7)
Bev, thanks for sharing that with me; I really do appreciate it.
I have had someone to talk to on a daily basis and one of the reasons I am giving up on the surrogate mother idea is that I keep feeling like she's pulling away. It is an anonymous correspondence on another board site. When I think of how much I would like her to be that for me, but really can't because of the nature of our corresponding, it just frustrates me and causes me a lot of pain, so I've decided to give it up. I can still correspond with her but I want to do it without the desire I have for her to be that for me. I think it will be easier on me this way.
Or, I am imagining her pulling away because I have done that before when she hasn't been but instead I have been... I have a real problem feeling close to anyone. So, I just don't know if she is pulling away or not and I can't ask because I'm afraid of the answer.
I think you are very lucky and I'm so happy for you!
Hi Nance and Bev,
I hope you don't mind me "butting" in. I do not know if this is what you experience or not but sometimes the littlest thing can set me off. I will lose my temper. It doesnt always last long and when at work I keep it to myself. I will yell, swear, hit things (the wall, a door), throw things (I have never hurt anyone or hit anyone. I could not do that.) One time it nearly cost me a friendship. It is too long of a story to go into here so will make it real brief (I hope!). I am in a group of 2, sometimes 3 that go out to dinner one night a week. It is the same night each week. Well, the day before one of those nights my friend said she was not sure she could go. She had commitments during the day and it may not be possible to be free. I tried calling her to no avail like I said I would and finally got her stepdad who said she had gone out to dinner with another friend of hers. I totally lost it and I called on both her cell and home phone and totally went off on her. She could have called me and told me where to meet them but her other friend, at the time, did not like me for some reason. We get along now. Well turns out they had only gone for a drink, not dinner and she was rather upset with me for what I had said on the phone. It took a little while, but we are best friends again. That was a while back, last summer. I wish I knew how to control my temper. I do take meds and am seeing a new therapist as mine moved across country. Is this anything like you have experienced?
I lost my mom when I was 24 years old so I too look for a surroget mother. I have a "play mom" that I have known since 1984. She is really nice but she can be critical at times and sometimes I will say something about something and she will say that is stupid. (ex. she thinks those blow up figures you see everywhere for the holidays in peoples yards are stupid. I like them. My dad has one for Halloween and one for Christmas) It bugs the crap out of me at times.
I hope what I have said made sense. I too, have been thru a very rough year so I understand what it is like to go thru changes.