New and in need....please respond.

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Strivingtolive
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 12/8/2005 4:19 PM (GMT -7)   
I am new to this site. I have been posting on another site that doesn't get as much traffic...this is what I posted there:
 
 
Ok, so I figure I am going to have to give more information before I can expect any reponses. I have battled with depression for a while now. It started when I was in high school and just sort came and went. It has now become anixety and eventually leads to depression. I just feel like now the anxiety is caused by me knowing I don't have the time to live through another bout of depression. I have a job, a life that I have to keep up with and yet here I am feeling alone and scared. I have a good job, a boyfriend, a nice place to live and all around a pretty good life only I can't feel joy and recently I just sort of snapped. I think what made it worse is I tried smoking pot recently and I had a panic attack while under the influence. I haven't done it since and don't plan on ever doing it. I am just so outside myself right now. I feel out of control. I am shivering and shaking and unable to eat or sleep really. I am on paxil but just started up again. I keep telling myself to wait for a week and I will feel very differnt than I do now. I don't have a close relationship with my family because my mom and I don't usually get along. My stpefather molested me and my dad has a drug habit he can't kick. I feel often times so lonely and disconnected from everyone...lately I have been thinking dark and morbid thoughts like what is the point of living when I know we are all going to die....I get scared of that. To the point where I can't turn off the bad thoughts.
I think anything that can add to the pain and intensity of the panic attacks is something I need to stay away from. Smoking pot was supposed to relax me and it just became a sensory overload. I was with two friends and could see myself laughing and at times having fun but inside I was crying for help. I was begging for a connection with someone and I felt very alone and trapped in my own head. My mind was traveling a million miles a minute and really at this point I feel like I went someone where really far and just got back. You know like I survived a natural disaster and lived to tell about it. I am still very shaky and tired but have not been able to sleep. I still can't eat a whole lot but I am getting some pleasure out of speding time with two of my close girlfriends. I have a boyfriend but I have kept my depression a secret from him. It was thrown in my face a lot in my last relationship and I can't stand that kind of judgment again. I also feel like depression is all mine to love and hold...til death do us part I guess. I keep thinking I can beat it and at times when I am doign well I never look back to days like this where I am reaching out to anyone...then it catches up with me worst than the last time and I start to fight. I struggle so hard to be the norm, to function and appear as everyone knows me. All the while inside I know that my struggle will get worse before it gets better. At this point this panic attack and onset of depression has been the worst. Can it get worse? I don't want to find out. I just want to be able to enjoy life. Feel love and function...
This morning I just feel so out of body. I keep having fears of death. I keep finding it so hard to live knowing I am going to die. It is a fact that seems to just expand my mind so much so that I can't function. Strange thoughts keep coming to me. I keep thinking things like what mark will I leave on the world in a thousand years. What is death. Why am I so scared of it...how can I take pleasure in things anymore? I can't picture myself living through tomorrow and can't imagine in a million years having kids or how to get to that point in life. Is it the depression or am I slowly going crazy? How can I dim the fear of death enough to enjoy a conversation with a friend. It feels like my past is all a dream. What's real? I hate being this scared and lonely all the time. I want to be one of those regular women who seems to have a grip on things. If it was a panic attack why do I still feel so bad? I want to get better!!!
If it wasn't death it would be something else. Usually I focus on my relationships, jobs, school or something else that makes me stress out. I can't remember a time when I lived in the moment. You know not planning for the future. Even if it means small things like when my tires will need to be rotated. When my car will need to be cleaned. I don't know how it got to death. I remember being a small child and waking up and feeling panic. I thought that I saw death or the face of it in a palm tree outside. I clung to my mom and let the feeling of safety take over me. I think I snapped and started to feel tired of being me. Tired of having the past that I do and tired of worrying all the time. Worry turned to fear and nothing else could alter my state of mind. I am struggling to remember myself. Things I liked to do, people I liked to see. Food I liked to eat. What my sense of humor was like. I want to really feel life...enjoy it! Thank you for being there. It feels so good to knwo you are out there. I am in need of time to let the meds work and get back into healing myself. I think I have been depressed for the last year and just ignored it or got used to it until recently when it got worse and I couldn't handle it alone.
 
OK so today is not as bad as my worst day, but it is pretty bad. I feel outside of myself again. I feel tired and my medication is keeping from good sleep at night. I am going through what I just learned is called dissasociation. I lack a zest for life. Nothing seems to really be making me happy these days. I also have this underlying feeling of boredom. I am bored and tired of being me. I hate my past and I have a hard time looking to the future. I keep telling myself I can do anything be anything and yet I cant' find the motivation to make anything happen. I need to see a therapist in addition to these meds but my doctor (the one gives the meds) hasn't called me back. She is the one who can refer me to the therapist in her office. It would be nice to see a therapist that has a close relationship to my doc that gives the meds. I think I might need something like xanax to help me through these rough times...I wish I was just normal. I wish I could just handle this on my own. I wish I could feel something other that this gross feeling. I swear it feels like I trying to force myself to sleep. You know where you aren't wuite sure how your mind does it but you want it to snap off and drift away to that soothing place where when you wake up it is day time. I am having a hard time with reality. I haven't been acting out of the ordinary but my heart is lost. I am lost. Do I just need to cry, do I just need to rehash my past and get it out, do I need to have some kind of release to be able to get through each day? Why when death is inevitable? How to I get from where I am now to being a good worker, wife, mother daughter....I'm stuck in my mid twenties and I don't know how I got here. It's like I kept myself all closed up in my head and just snapped recently. Can this get better....? How? HOw do I get back to the days when I was occupied with what was for lunch, with my boyfriend and seeing funny movies? Can change help? Should I move closer to my hometown? I feel so alone. I'm not close with any family members. I have two close girls friends but that's it. Nothing really anchoring me down. I want to feel like myself again so BADDDDDD!

 

bevhea
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 12/8/2005 5:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Some of what you say is typical of being your age. Those are the things about not knowing how to make things happen. People who marry and have kids young are forced by having someone depend on them to learn how to make things happen. They have a reason. Many of them will hit a wall like you have sometime in the future, so just know there are no prefect or easy lives.

I will probably write more tomorrow after having more time to thing about the things you said, but in addition to some being typical of being young--some is typical of the sexually abused too. That almost certainly needs therapy, which takes time.

So in the mean time you need to work on what you can. When you were little, say 5 to 10 years old, what did you like to do: take walks, draw, play games, go to school? Figure that out, and figure out how you can add it to your life ASAP, then do it. Exercise is probably important for you--it can be walks, shooting a game of pool, swimming, areobics, anything, but it should be something you can do daily. Additionally, since you have support now, 2 friends, a boyfriend, a doctor, and a counselor just around the corner, and at least the people you know from work, the best place for you to be is probably right where you live now. I wouldn't change that until you are better.

And yes you can get better. You can get over depression and you can stay over it. It takes determination and work. AND it's worth every bit of it.

bev

Calexx
New Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 12/8/2005 5:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Just wanted you to know someone has read your post. I will reply after work. Hang in there. :)

Strivingtolive
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 12/9/2005 10:03 AM (GMT -7)   
It took me a while to figure out what I liked to do at ten or younger. I seemed to have blocked that out of my memory. I had a very active imagination. I used to play make believe a lot. I read, watched movies, sang, rode bikes, day dreamed, and played with friends. I don't know how I can fit that into my life right now because I am lacking major motivation.

I seem to do well spending time with my roommate. SHe tends to help me just enjoy the moment. Thank you for responding...it was reassuring and helpful to read.

bevhea
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 12/9/2005 1:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Lacking motivation is what depression is about, but you had some wonderful things going on when you were 10. The Harry Potter stories were born of a great imagination. Basketball players use imagination to improve their shot averages. You can start with imagining a good life.

It doesn't take a lot of motivation to daydream about what you want. My day dream was of a little cottage surrounded by flowers. Today I live in a ranch-style with nothing but grass, so on the surface my daydreaming didn't pay off. But actually it did. That cottage image was a symbol of a peaceful happy life. Today I have that, and don't need the flowers (hubby likes grass, flat, and barren). Giving up the house was expected, but not the flowers. The adjustment came about, because I realized that I had a lot more time to do things with hubby and others if I didn't have to take care of those d*** flowers. So today I actucally have what I dreamed of.

Reading, watching movies, singing are all things which can be done alone. They don't take much motivation and they are all signs of a person who can do very well when by themselves. Playing with friends is 25 percent of your activities--and that tells me that in your waking day you need to be with others (playing) 25 percent of your day. Well really it's just a way to look at what you are doing now.

I read, so when I was depressed I read lots of books about getting better. I don't thing they were of much help. Since imagination was high on your list, if you haven't already, why not read the Harry Potter series. People say they like it--and you will find plenty of older people, like me to convert--I think it's just silly.

I like watching black and white movies (1930 and 40's). Sometimes I curl up and watch, sometimes, since I've seen so many of them over and over, I use the time they are on to do housework or like the other day, when I painted a christmas picture (really bad) for over the fireplace. Movies are good.

Singing--well I don't do music--so you'll have to work out how you could put that in your life with no help from me.

The (sort of) 25% of the day with playing with others is probably being taken care of by talking with your roommate, but you can do that in different settings (ones that a 10 year old would like--at the dairy queen, sitting on swings at the park, and when you get more adventurous at the skating rink or a bowling alley.

Fix the lack of motivation, by writing ideas of what you did then on slips of paper and when you feel yourself slipping, pull out one. (you don't have to do what it says if you don't like it--just keep pulling them out until one suits you).

You need to be very careful of the sense of disassociation, which you described. I'm suggesting these things as a means of getting you to associate with who you were when you were younger and hopefully life was safer--or at least you were coping better. That's sort of how it sounds to me--like you were coping better back then. Pull on those strengths and give yourself time.

I think I would also keep a journal so that you will be able to review where you were and how far you come. While others recommend that at the drop of a hat. I don't. I just think it would be good for you to make sure you stay in reality.

I hope these ideas jog your imaginative side and that you can find things that really suit you.

bev

Strivingtolive
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 12/9/2005 2:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for the inspirational ideas. I am so glad to at least be able to be 100% honest about my feelings and my situation. I can see a little light at the end of the tunnel every now and then. I am still feeling anxiety and depression but usually only at the onset of death. There are so many tragic stories out there it is daunting. I'm able to smile a little easier today but even still panic comes every now and then and steals my breath away. I take a deep breath and try to let it pass and then just pick up where I left off. So far so good, baby steps...

I am scared of the feelings of disassociation because it felt so strangely familar even though this is the first time really had to deal with it. It was a feeling as if I was going crazy. It is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. It left me cold and scared and I trembled a lot!

It's funny how you said to think of things I did when I was ten because often times I would day dream about where my life would go. The people I would meet and the fun we could have. I often times imagined that my dad came back to rescue me and we lived a happy close life. That never happened and I don't feel sorry for myself but that pain and emptiness still stings a bit.

Strivingtolive
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 12/9/2005 2:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Actually the best way to describe things for me right now is scared. Scared of everything. I'm scared of someone I love getting hurt or killed. I am scared of getting hurt of killed. My mind has a hard time wrapping around the idea of people ceasing to exist. I also can't fathom people living forever...I feel lost. I prayed last night in tears. I haven't said a prayer in a long time...many years have gone by and last night it was all I could do. I hate that I feel this way and I can't tell anyone I know about this because I am always so strong...no one knows I'm this weak and fragile right now. I am being good to myself and trying hard to be patient and allow myself time to get better. I am just so scared of everything. Right now I am scared of losing my boyfriend to a break up. That is illogical because things between us are really good right now but the fear of losing something important to me scares me - I don't want to end up back in this place of doom and helplessness. I just want to heal and be happy.

bevhea
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 12/9/2005 5:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Disassociation bothers me too, but it's really good that you can identify it.

By any chance were you about 6 when your real father disappeared from your life? Much of what you talked about in that second post is very similar to a pattern often seen in people who's father died, when they were six. Also part of that "death" pattern is that around the age of 12 or 13, the child faces the reality that the person isn't coming back, which can lead to different kinds of trouble during the teen years. Is that matching?

If you are experiencing something similar to your father leaving about that age the is enough to account for the fearfulness. Add having been sexually abused and have lived inside yourself with the normal confusion over that and you have a tough, but not impossible combination to beat.

Like I said before the disassociation is what really bothers me. I would really like to see you in counseling for that, your missing father, and the sexual abuse or at least group for the sexual abuse ASAP (for you the problems caused by the abuse may be the easiest ones to shed).

The important thing is to get good (probably professional) support and work through as much as possible now. Like you said, there are good days and bad. Without intercession--there will be good years and bad--but the wall is out there--and sooner or later you will hit it. If sooner, getting help now will give you a good shot at a happy rest-of-your-life. If later, life may not go as good as you dreamed and when you do hit the wall, you will have lots of knots to unravel as well as these.

And one comment about "I am always so strong" GOOD!

bev

Strivingtolive
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 12/12/2005 11:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Bev. My dad wasn't around by age two. He has a drug addication and my mom left him to do what was best for me. He was in and out of my life and by age six he was gone for an extended period. My story is one of a constant struggle. To shed some light I was born to my mom who was 22 and my dad who at the time was 21. Two years after my birth my mom moved back to California and raised me on her own. She scarped together money for a place to live and shortly after met my stepfather. My dad would call now and then but was bascially absent. My mom started dating this new man who was very mean to me. She dated him for security I think. She wanted to be taken care of and in her own way probably though paring up with this man was a way to help me. I dunno...anyhow a few years later My mom and this man move in together. There were moments where they would fight. I don't remember him ever hitting my mom but I can only imagine that he did. It was hard for me to see my mom hurt...emotionally or otherwise. I felt like her little protector. Anyhow, my mom got pregnant and then she moved out on her own with me. Eventually my mom and him got back together. My mom had my little half sister and then they moved back in together. Soon after that I was about nine or ten and thats when the abuse started. It was more emotional than anything. I think it continued on until I was fourteen. He never outrightly touched me but there were times where he did try and somewhat succeeded. I started to act out against him. I would shut myself in my room and just hide away and escape by reading. I started to see a therapist and was put on prozac. I eventually told the therapist what happened and she wanted to have a group meeting. The whole family was there and my stepfather walked out saying he wasn't going to let a woman (my therapist) tell him what he needed to do. Anyhow the therapist said she thought the best way for me to get healthy would be to be removed from the situation. At that time my dad had resurfaced clean and I moved to Minnesota to live with him in hopes that my life would take a turn for the better. It did for a while. I met new friends and had a good relationship with my dad. He then relapsed and I was sent back to live with my mom so he could once again disappear on me. I moved back with my mom who at the time was going through a divorce from the man that I hated. She knew what happened because I told her and she used it as ammunition to get away from him. She lost everything including the house we lived in. We ended up moving into a one bedroom apartment with her mom (my grandma). I hated my mom at times for the life I had because I felt like to a degree her bad choice plagued me. Anyhow my mom broke under the stress and slapped me so hard she broke my lip open. She had the tendency to take her anger out on me and I later recognized that she abused me physically. We dont' talk about that even to this day. I was a good kid. I am not being cocky here but she did take a lot of anger out on me. I remember once she was brushing my hair to get me ready for school and my hair had knots in it. She got mad and just started hitting me with the back of the brush on the head. When I crumpled to the floor she then kicked me and kicked me until she realized it was really hurting me. She stopped and just picked me off the floor and finishe my hair and sent me to school. Often times my step father would see her do something like this anc rescue me only to take advantage of the moment. He once drank too much and when I announced I was going to bed demanded a kiss. When I begrudginly went over and kissed hime stuck his tongue into my mouth. It didn't get past my teeth but still at ten years old it was disgusting. My mom was mad at him for all of two days and then I heard them giggling and canoodling in their bedroom. Anyhow back to my story...I had a split lip and I just blew up and started swinging at her. I hit her back and I wanted to get away from her. She kept coming at me until I just let her win. I let her pull my hair and kick me until she was done. The next morning at 16 I grabbed a bag of mt things and left. At the time I had a boyfriend that knew everything that happened. He took me in and until his parents asked me to leave we lived in his tiny little room. I then rented out a room from a friend that I knew from school. From there I moved in with a single aunt. She bought a house that was in the dumpiest city and needed a lot of work. I lived there and all the while dated my boyfriend. Finally we decided to move in together and we moved to Orange county. Things got worse. My boyfriend proposed but we didn't have a healthy relationship. I called off the engagement and moved out on my own with a roommate. That brings me to now....I'm living with a wonderful new roommate who is stable and an all around good person. I have two good girlfriends, and I am dating a guy who lives in San Diego. That brings you up to speed minus some details here and there. I still haven't talked to or seen my dad. Recently my grandpa died. Before he did I visited and saw him ill from cancer. My dad didn't show up to say goodbye to his dad because he admitted he just couldn't handle it. So now you have the general gist of my life...it's always been an uphill battle. Dark and sometimes lonely but I always stayed strong and kept just trying to survive. Now I want to try and be happy and live a happy life!

bevhea
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 12/12/2005 12:13 PM (GMT -7)   
WOW. You deserve real credit for the moves you made to self-protect in a very poor environment. I'm guessing that the key to all of it and your next best step is in your posts, and I want to think about this a little before I answer. For now I'll just say congratulations on coming as far as you have, that you can beat the fears, and that you can live a happy life.

bev

Strivingtolive
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 12/12/2005 2:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you Bev for taking the time to read and put thought into your responses. It means a lot to me. I sincerely appreciate it and look forward to seeing what you wrote when I log onto this site. Many thanks...you are in my thoughts.

bevhea
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 12/13/2005 1:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Well, I'm still thinking. There are obvious connections--you kept loosing everything that represented safety through the faults of others--so that would make it hard for you to trust that anything involving others. Rather than admit fear of lose, it sounds almost like something in your brain is putting everything on fast forward--to get it over with and avoid fear.

I remember a short period similar to what you described. I saw a news story about a brand new subdivision of improperly built houses--city had just condemned every house in the subdivision. Many people spoke, but the one I looked at was a 90 year old woman, who said she had spent all of her savings to buy that house. Insurance wouldn't cover the loss, so she'd lost everything.

I had never handled loss very well and just before seeing that news show, I'd gone through the worse loss of my life. I was especially vulnerable right then, and it hit me especially hard. I sat crying for her and myself, thinking does it never end? and that I didn't want to live 50 more years if that was how things are.

Today, instead of a single lady showing and proving that life plays dirty tricks, we have the World Trade Center, Afganistan, Iraq, and New Orleans--showing and proving the world is not a safe place. That's a lot working on your already existing subconscious fear of loss.

The trick is of course to put those fears aside, but how is difficult to answer. So as always, I have a story, but this one is made up.

Lake People and Stream People

Lake people prefer to sit in the middle of the lake in comfort on a houseboat. They have kitchens, living rooms, bedrooms, all things to make life easy. If it rains they sit in comfort on their lawn chairs under a great tarp. They feel smug and happy with their choice for they have gotten far from the shore and from people or things which can hurt them. They are safe and pleased to be able to view the world around them.

Stream people use canoes. They live a much harder life. They have to take the canoe out of the water at night or when it rains. They have to make a shelter, start a fire, and cook what they find along the way. During the day they have to be on constant watch for rapids or falls and may have to take the canoe out of the water and carry it past the dangers. If rapids or falls don't get them they can be attacked from shore. So they live a life of viligence rather than safety and comfort, but they love the multitude of views of the stream, shore, the land beyond.

But life is not always made up of normal things. Lightening could strike the houseboat, start a fire, and sink it and all the belongings of the lake people would be lost, forcing them to swim to shore. Another lightening strike could hit the canoe, but the canoe people being the more viligent would already be on shore. They would have pulled out their belongings--and when the storm ended, they would simply build another canoe and keep on moving, ready to see and be part of more.

End of story

So the point is that people who move through life, may have more work and less ease, but they have strength. There is a permanance to them, that comes from within themselves--not their possessions.

That elderly lady whose house was condemned was a stream person. She said, I lost everything. She did not say, like the younger ones had, what am I going to do? She did not say like the younger ones had, who is going to help me? She just stated the fact--not sad, not self-fortifying--just this is where I am. She was in the stream--even at 90. In fact the story is about her and the lake people, who were also interviewed.

The sense of loss and fear of loss you feel is as real as it can be--and it will stay that real as long as you stay a lake person. You have made decisions, like leaving your home when you were 16 and not marrying that first young man, that show you were a stream person then.

You may not have been happy, but you jumped off your mom's houseboat and out of the one you would have had with the young man--you got in the stream. So we know you know how to survive in the stream. That makes me wonder if you are seeing a lake and houseboat in your future and sense those bigger dangers, bigger losses.

So considering what you have said and what I have written, I would guess that the fastest way for you dump the fears, is to start thinking,

I am a stream person, I can handle whatever comes my way.

Good times to say it to yourself would be at bedtime, when you hesitate to make a decision, and when fear crops up. I don't know that it will work, but it did help me.

bev

Strivingtolive
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 12/13/2005 9:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you Bev. I was really moved and inspired by that story. I have to think more about it what it means to me but it means so much to me that you took the time to write it all out. I needed this and can't thank you enough.

bevhea
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 12/13/2005 11:12 AM (GMT -7)   
You are welcome.

I told the Lake and Stream People story many times at work to people who were trying to decide whether to stay in the Navy or leave it. The beauty of it was that for some getting in the stream meant getting out and for others it meant staying in. They all made decisions that satisfied them.

I've never told it for the overwhelming fear of impending doom you described, but my own mulitude of fears were what caused me to think it up in the first place. I stay in the stream now and live without fear.

I collect fossils and each and everyone means something to me. I have been asked many times how I would feel if the collection was stolen. My answer is "Sad, but I'd be out digging the next day to start a new collection." Twenty years ago, I would have raged over the loss, I would have felt helpless, I would have been destroyed by it.

I fear as all parents do that one of my children or my partner may get injured or killed, but I believe if that were to happen now, I would be sad and have a hard time, but it wouldn't send me into a tail spin and destroy me, like it would have before I understood the difference in lake and stream people. I love being a stream person, I am not afraid of the unknown, and I do not ever want to leave it again.

So I'm hoping that maybe the story will help you find your way to the stream and living fully.

bev

Strivingtolive
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 12/14/2005 9:06 AM (GMT -7)   
The story meant a lot to me. I too fear the loss of someone close to me, but I can see how it is necessary to keep moving. I always imagined that I would crumble when someone I loved died. I lived for twenty three years without anyone passing away and I was so scared of what it would do to me to lose someone. This past year I lost my grandfather. He was more like a father because he always kept in contact and was there for me. He had cancer of the lining of his lungs (he wasn't a smoker) and was not doing well. I traveled out to see him and while I was there I saw the worst of the worst. He was in pain, and slowly passed. Little by little each day he got worse. I didn't fall out of touch with reality but instead stuch it out, took care of him and told him every last thing I wanted him to know before he left us. I cried a lot, but I was also touched by his very existance. I miss him, a lot actually and judging by that I can claim to me a stream person. I kept moving but the marks my grandfather left will forever be with me. I think I can work on doing that with my fears. I know my demise is real, but I can sit an wait for it idly. I have to make the best of myself while I can. I feel much stronger now. I know a lot of it is the medication but the truth is I don't care. I got a little sad last night, but I was alone and forced myself to just move through the night into morning and now I feel different. I am not sure if my docotor will choose to put my on a higher dose of the meds I am on but we shall see...

bevhea
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 12/14/2005 11:16 AM (GMT -7)   

My greatgrandmother died at 98 years young in 1961.  She was a wonderous person.  The year before she died, she told me a story.  Her story was that she would always be with me, sitting on my left shoulder.  To this day, I still believe she is.

I can't say that she protected me from myself, but when I got over being a dunderhead, she was there to show me how to be a better person.

bev 


Rock
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 28
   Posted 1/23/2006 9:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Olive

I shortened your name so it's easier to type. (A little humor is always helpful, even if it's just silliness.)

The above posters are right on. You've had to deal w/ a lot of bad stuff. It would be surprising if you weren't depressed. But people do get better. The problem is it takes a lot of hard work and progress is generally rather slow and uneven. Two seps forward, one back, a couple sideways, etc.

Things that have helped me (and others) are therapy;medication; self help books like Feeling Good by David Burns; a 12 step program; keeping a journal. Do not isolate; do not use addictive substances; stay away from toxic people even if they are your parents.

You ask what is the point of living if we are all going to die. What difference will it make in a thousand years?

What is the purpose of the life of a tiger or a rose? The purpose of life is to live. There is no need for our lives to be significant a thousand years from now. There is a great deal of talk these days about being rich and famous. By definition only a few can be rich and famous. Fame is a 20th century concept. Only made possible by science and technology. If you think it is necessary to be happy, look at the messed-up lives of many rich and famous people.

Work at your recovery. In dark moments remember that they will pass. In good times enjoy the present.

Keep in touch w/ folks on this board. Good luck.

dry
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 1/23/2006 10:22 AM (GMT -7)   
A time in life we plant a seed, to flourish big to fill a need, the sun gives it warmth, the rain nourishment to grow, in awe we enjoy the beauty that it shows, to us and to the world. And then it happens without a warning without a plan, it's taken from us, which we don't understand. We look for the answers, in the tears we cry, we ask endlessly, someone please tell me why? We go back to the spot we knew, of where it's beauty lingered and where it grew, and under the blanket of fallen snow, we whisper prayers daily;that it would someday grow. We go on living the best that we can, to find that in springs season that seed has grown once again,( but differently), it was through the process and seasons of life, and somehow we find serenity in this and know we're alright. Hang in there everyone, our Individual unique seasons are coming! Grab your baskets, our harvest is coming.

Peter has asked that we please limit our signatures to 7 lines or less.  Thank you for your cooperation.  Jon

Post Edited By Moderator (FamilyGuy) : 1/25/2006 2:31:08 PM (GMT-7)


Admin
Forum Administrator


Date Joined Jan 2003
Total Posts : 9658
   Posted 1/25/2006 3:34 PM (GMT -7)   
dry,
Please limit your signature to 10 lines or less per the forum rules. Thanks,

Peter
Peter Waite, Founder/Editor
HealingWell.com - Community, Information, Resources
www.healingwell.com

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Friday, December 02, 2016 5:37 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,731,855 posts in 300,973 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151131 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, veris.
282 Guest(s), 8 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Krimpet 🍔, YinYanger, Helgramite, Michael_T, Xmaslover, Girlie, RanMan, London Lurker


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer