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Oranged
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Date Joined Jul 2014
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 12/31/2016 9:51 PM (GMT -6)   
Just in case your having a weird or off, or sad New Year's Eve. Well I am too. So your not alone (entirely )

My excuse or my coping was I have gone out plenty of times and that I am okay with staying home tonight. I was happy to hear my family was going on with their plans. I hate thinking that my sickness is weighing in on them too much. It'll be the new year soon. I know what I am grateful for but I also certainly know what I would want to change.

It's weird that one of them is that I hope medicine starts to work soon. But I do. I need a little help getting over the hump to do things I'm 'supposed' to do

Hope everyone is okay tonight. Happy new year ! Happy can be a scary word for me, I guess new can be as well. But i think all of us, dealing with or suffering with depression, are certainly a group who deserve a happy and new, year!

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
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   Posted 1/1/2017 8:39 AM (GMT -6)   
Happy is scary especially if we have been unhappy for a long time. Sometimes we undermine it because we are afraid to let go. I hope you are feeling better today. I hope your meds are working for you now.

Keep us posted.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Oranged
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2014
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 1/1/2017 2:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Yeah, it's like allowing yourself to chuckle at something. It doesn't happen for me often so when it does I try to hold onto it. I'm not really doing better today and just started a new medicine earlier this week, so i don't think it's kicking it yet. I know typical is a few weeks to fully feel anything.

It'd be awesome to be at the place where I am managing and functioning, it's taking forever.

I try to stay calm, process my thoughts. Separate emotions and what might be irrational, but it's awfully hard to always have to do this. But for now I guess I'm stuck with these thoughts. I know mindfulness and meditation helps but it's a repeat cycle for me once a new hour begins. I can't magically make myself enjoy the things I used to. I even get mad when hearing about other people doing things. I get envious I suppose that. I just want to go back to feeling that way and enjoying life again.

Sorry this was a downer, it's just where I'm at right now.

Post Edited (Oranged) : 1/1/2017 1:19:10 PM (GMT-7)


getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41357
   Posted 1/1/2017 4:01 PM (GMT -6)   
It is going to take a bit for your meds to work like you said. In the meantime it could be getting difficult as the depression tries to take hold. Try to be patient.

Try not to get mad when other people are doing good. Try to be happy for them with hopes you will too. The meditation and mindfulness actually in a sense becomes a lifestyle change or a change of the way we think. It slows the mind down. Breathing exercises help too. Try to keep an open mind to it. You practice it constantly. Learn to only think of the present and what is going on at the time. You may need a mood stabilizer, I would ask the doc about it. What is the medication they are giving you to try? Just curious.

I truly hope that you feel better soon. I know how hard it is. It took me a long time to feel better, but it did happen.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 6919
   Posted 1/1/2017 4:54 PM (GMT -6)   
Glad to hear it Oranged!
Moderator - Depression

"...when the gift of sight is cause enough for jubilation."
Billy Collins from the poem. HIGH

DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain;Hemicrania Continua; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

Oranged
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2014
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 1/1/2017 5:12 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you. All of what you said makes sense. It is 'good' for me when someone just understands. I'm in the downside of it and I just wanted to write some thoughts out. Took a long walk in the woods and listened to some 'overcoming depression ' stuff. Some of it wasn't too bad.

I was on cymbalta for a while (almost a year) and then I suddenly started getting really down once work was starting back up (teacher) and then came the medicine shuffle game to try and figure out what would be best. Currently I'm on trintellix, cymbalta, and respiridone.

Mood stabilizer is that like an abilify? I tried that for a bit and it seemed to make me more anxious. It's hard to decipher though to be honest.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41357
   Posted 1/1/2017 5:41 PM (GMT -6)   
Rispiridone and abilify are a lot alike. I took rispiridone for awhile. They both helped me. I can't remember why I switched to the abilify. It takes time I guess. It took me five tries before I found the right antidepressant. Which was frustrating. But finally I took Effexor for like 15 years or more, then I went to pristiq.

That abilify slows my thinking down a lot which helps. I tend to overthink. The mindfulness helps also. So once the rispiridol can help with mindfulness if you decide to work on that. I know you are going to be feeling a lot better soon. It is just hard getting there.

Hang in there and try to take things one day at a time.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Oranged
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2014
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 1/1/2017 6:02 PM (GMT -6)   
Did you take respiridone at night ?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41357
   Posted 1/2/2017 6:06 AM (GMT -6)   
I believe I took it in the morning with my other meds, but there could be reason to take it at night. I take the abilify in the morning too.

Best wishes for a good day...

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Oranged
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2014
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 1/2/2017 5:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Yeah I take mine at night seems to almost knock me out

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41357
   Posted 1/3/2017 8:08 AM (GMT -6)   
Maybe that is what the doc wanted. Were you having problems with sleep? I take most everything in the morning except metformin I take with meals and my simvastatin I take at night.

Wishing you the best...

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Oranged
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2014
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 1/3/2017 2:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Kinda. Helps me to calm down at night

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41357
   Posted 1/3/2017 4:59 PM (GMT -6)   
That can be a good thing. Have you noticed any difference in how you are feeling? It is probably early to be able to tell but I was just curious.

Have a good evening...

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Oranged
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2014
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 1/3/2017 6:01 PM (GMT -6)   
Little tiny specks of light. Can I be more meak? Haha
I have a lot of bad days (like a lot of us do) and sometimes, some times , there are small ounces of goodness or light. Tonight I ended up laughing a bunch of times in my therapists office , it felt weird but good ! Wanting the lightness to continue !

I often stay in the dark and get stuck in the dark.

How are you doing ?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41357
   Posted 1/3/2017 6:47 PM (GMT -6)   
I am doing good, I have been tired today though. I think from the holidays, sugar and sweets not good for me. Plus all the planning and activity. Now I am moving at a snail's pace.

I am so happy you had a good session with the therapist. That is a good sign...

I hope you have a good night. I hope you sleep well...

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Oranged
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2014
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 1/3/2017 8:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you, and you as well

Oranged
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2014
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 1/4/2017 5:58 AM (GMT -6)   
Went from a good night to a bad morning. So frustrating. Didn't realize how sick my stomach gets with new medicine plus morning anxiety. I'm missing work again and it feels awful.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41357
   Posted 1/4/2017 6:16 AM (GMT -6)   
I am sorry you are missing work. Anxiety can be nasty. Do you take anything for it? I can't remember. I took Xanax for years. It helped a lot. I finally went off of it. But I still get a little anxiety at times. Try to do something nice for yourself today to help you relax.

Hugs, Karen....
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Oranged
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2014
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 1/4/2017 12:53 PM (GMT -6)   
I thought the respiridone was supposed to help.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41357
   Posted 1/4/2017 1:45 PM (GMT -6)   
It does, but I took both respiridone and Xanax. I still had anxiety. But I had it pretty bad for a lot of years.

The respiridone basically works to slow down the thinking so that we can focus on things. I think with your level of anxiety you need something for it specifically. But benzo's are addictive and they don't like to prescribe them anymore. That is one reason I got off the Xanax. Because of my age, they didn't feel it was good for me to keep taking. But I got off okay, so that can be done. Talk to your doc and let them know that the anxiety is keeping you from making it to work. I think that they might help you with that.

Do you know any breathing exercises? They help a lot with anxiety. Takes away the scary effects of it.

I hope you feel better. Just don't beat yourself up for not making it to work. But try to go tomorrow.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Oranged
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2014
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 1/4/2017 7:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Yeah doc knows about the anxiety. She said same about xanax, being addictive etc. she prescribed me some beta blockers to help with morning anxiety. I mentally tell myself that they work.
I've been practicing my breathing techniques. Sometimes it's that and faith that I rely on.

The difficult part for me is what's making me anxious, isn't going to go away. Going to work is a reality. I used to love it. I have loved it and I do like parts of it. I'm hoping over time that the major stressors decrease. It's hard to fight the negative thoughts on my own. It's hard to fake it and pretend I'm okay all the while trying to do a good job. But I also know that avoiding it does not make it any better or easier. Brain says stay home, brain also says force yourself and go to work.
I'll see what happens tomorrow morning again.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41357
   Posted 1/5/2017 9:55 AM (GMT -6)   
I hope that the anxiety gets less. I know how hard it is to function with it. I haven't used beta blockers but I have heard about people using them. The SNRI's help with anxiety. Such as Effexor and pristiq. I have taken both. Maybe they will try that.

I hope you have a good day and I hope you made it into work today.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Oranged
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2014
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 1/5/2017 2:10 PM (GMT -6)   
I did make it in. I had to pull over in the morning, and truly wanted to call in sick minutes before work starts, but somehow forced myself in. Felt awfully weird all day. Was trying and hoping for distractions. Little bits did. I'm waiting for the after effects to kick in where going and showing up will make me ' happier' and less anxious about missing so much, and less anxious about working in itself.

It's incredible the amount of struggle we have to go through.
Why does my breathing and heart have to feel like that while trying to do something that I used to love. It's baffling.

I am longing for a non struggling day...and days.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41357
   Posted 1/5/2017 4:16 PM (GMT -6)   
You will get there. It is so hard when something we use to love becomes so difficult. Maybe a book on anxiety would help. I have a friend that has it bad too and I got her a book, but I don't know if she uses it. She likes to drink beer and in the book it said you shouldn't drink when you have bad anxiety. I guess it just adds to it. So maybe that is why she doesn't read it. But there are a lot of good books with coping skills in them. I wish that they would give you something for it besides the respiridone. But they probably have their reasons I guess. It is just that sometimes we need a little bit of help.

Keep hanging in there. You made it through the day and that is a milestone right now. I hope tomorrow is better for you.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 836
   Posted 1/5/2017 4:57 PM (GMT -6)   
Orange,

You said: "Was trying and hoping for distractions. Little bits did.

"It's incredible the amount of struggle we have to go through.
Why does my breathing and heart have to feel like that while trying to do something that I used to love. It's baffling.

"I am longing for a non struggling day...and days."

Lot of that sounds like me before I was on Lithium. I was having anxiety attacks. After years of those anxiety attacks, the Lithium stopped them cold. It calmed me down. It calmed down the mania, and helped lift the depression some, although I still need an anti-depressant, and am on Mirtazapine right now.

I take Lithium for bipolar. But it was also a calmative to me. I describe first going on Lithium as the air being let out of an overtight balloon. I didn't know I was that tense.

It's not a tranquilizer, it just calms me down. When I read about how tense you are at work, and prior to going to work, it reminds me of my state before going on Lithium.

With your trying all of these medicines, have you or your doctor ever even considered Lithium? You might want to look it up on the net to see what it's benefits are, and see if one of them is, reduces anxiety. See what it's used for, see if it's used for anxiety.

I've only heard of it being used for bipolar, but maybe a lower dosage than for bipolar, could calm you down.
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