Decision making

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Tim Tam
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Date Joined May 2016
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   Posted 1/1/2017 1:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Had a horrible experience last night.

With the noise, I knew it was best to get out of my house and go to a “safe house.”

There was one available, but it had some problems, none that couldn’t be overcome.

I let the minor problems reign supreme over the major issue of my health and safety. And I paid the price.

As I was typing in another post a few minutes ago, I told that person, I see things 50/50. I also told that person and myself for the first time, I’ve heard the expression, “Error on the side of caution,” and was even thinking of that expression last night prior to the problem.

But what I’ve tried to learn from that experience last night, was, when I see something 50/50, “Error on the side of my health or my safety.”

And I think sometimes one has to learn the hard way, or the impression is not deep enough. What, “Experience is the toughest teacher, but fools will learn in no other way.” Or, “Teachings are important, but experience keeps the biggest school.”

The reason I’m on this website, is to seek others advice in a tough situation in which I’m sitting here basically isolated. Did I post my problem on this board before making my decision to stay in my house last night? No. Up to this point, do I seem to have learned anything after decades of having this same problem deciding what I should do? No.

Just found an item about solving problems, which said, “In my opinion, you should do exactly what feels right to you.” It felt right last night to stay here. I was wrong, but that’s what I felt.

And if I hadn’t made a mistake, I wouldn‘t have learned anything. Hopefully.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40946
   Posted 1/1/2017 2:56 PM (GMT -7)   
I think we can learn from our mistakes. We should try to anyway. Not always easy.

You are okay now I hope. Was it fireworks? There weren't any here last night. But we had kind of stormy weather too. I was glad that there were not any.

You made it though Tim Tam, and that is the important thing. Even if it was difficult. I am glad you made it.

Keep hanging in there. One day at a time.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

BnotAfraid
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Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 6670
   Posted 1/1/2017 4:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Karen is correct. How can we learn until we take risks?

Takings risks makes us stronger. You may have suffered, however on the upside, you are well enough to post here today.

I see that as a victory.

Keep up to good work in getting in touch with your body and emotions.

Peace
Trina
Moderator - Depression

"...when the gift of sight is cause enough for jubilation."
Billy Collins from the poem. HIGH

DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain;Hemicrania Continua; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 573
   Posted 1/2/2017 11:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Karen and Trina:

It felt so warm and comfy just stay where I was, in my house. It wasn't that cold outside, so that wasn't the problem.

For one thing, I didn;t want to go to the trouble to go 500 yards up the street to the "safe house. "

And, I thought I could handle things here. And there was a football game that night I wanted to see on TV, but the guy whose house it was I would be staying in said he could hook up a TV set.

My plan was, watch the game at my house from 7 p.m. till game over at 10:30. Then maybe go to his house before the 12 midnight festivities.

I had some good luck 2 nights ago in that, had I set foot outside my house, I could have caught it from the revelers. The time to go was before it got dark, at say 5:30 p.m. The thought of staying down in his basement from 6 p.m. to say 1 a.m., say 7 hours, had some disappeal.

Taking food, maybe a camper mattress, taking my dog, was stacking things pretty high, but I've done most of that before (not the mattress) 20 times, so it's not that difficult, and it's not that easy, and didn't know if anything was going to happen. It did.

Plus I had ways to deal with the situation here.

I'm doing pretty good today, which is a great sign. My spirits are better than I thought they would be.

Some of the things I've learned from that experience is to make even better accomadations inside my house. A bunker mentality. My house is my bunker. It's either that or move, which has all kind of problems, also.

Also by experiencing the problem two nights ago, one better learns what the latest problem is, and then how to better prepare. Staying has its problems, and so does leaving, is the problem.

Oranged
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2014
Total Posts : 133
   Posted 1/3/2017 7:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Glad to read you are in better spirits !

Maybe just knowing that you have a safe place that you could go to, in a way, might be part of your problem solving or decision making.

Maybe you were 'testing' yourself without knowing it and you prevailed ?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40946
   Posted 1/4/2017 2:58 AM (GMT -7)   
I think you prevailed too. You don't really realize it, but you came out on top. I think it was brave of you to stay in the house and you did it...

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 573
   Posted 1/4/2017 12:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for your replies, Oranged and getting by.

With my situation, I feel like I am either devastated or I did the right thing by getting out of my place. There's not a lot of inbetween, oh, I did pretty good.

I am a total failure or a total success.

I did prevail, in a way Karen, by learning further what the problem is, and how better to protect myself in my house, and, how I could leave my at certain times of the day or night, and some of the times stay here.

All are options but all have drawbacks.

Yes, Oranged, as you said, "Maybe just knowing that you have a safe place that you could go to, in a way, might be part of your problem solving or decision making."

That does help, knowing I have an out or escape. I know if a situation gets too tough, I have a place to go. And rem. a few nights ago when I did not leave my place, I paid a price for it, and it could have been worse than it was.

So put those two together, escape place and bad experience by not escaping, offers a solution right there: bail. Get it right this time.

Oranged, you also said, "Maybe you were 'testing' yourself without knowing it and you prevailed ?"

That could be true also. I was testing myself in a way, but I don't like to test myself in such a delicate area. But I was thinking, maybe just stay here and try to protect yourself.

I did a pretty good job of protecting myself, and of testing my "reasoning" abilities, my thinking. I did pretty good, and I did find that there was room for improvement in my thinking and what actions/improvements I should take.

Valuable tools to bring with me the next time I have a problem, as I've read somewhere about your mistakes.

Yesterday when I came home from my walk with my dog, I saw a moving van in front of the bad house. Good sign, hopefully excellent.

Last night, however, I saw lights which said he was still there.

Don't know what to make of all of that, but it is a good sign. Either, someone bad is moving out, or someone new is moving in. Whatever it is, a moving van has to be a welcome sight.

Didn't see the moving van today, so I'm not sure what the deal is.

Yesterday, took about 5 different detours trying to avoid bad neighbors, and ran into a gray area neighbor, trying to avoid the other neighbors.

Today to avoid that, I walked my dog on the same street, but earlier in the day to avoid the bad neighbors, who are all at work. Hello! My positiveness is the only thing that helped me out yesterday, and for the past 8 years.

If this guy moves, I'll basically be down to zero actively bad neighbors.

Post Edited (Tim Tam) : 1/4/2017 12:54:14 PM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40946
   Posted 1/4/2017 12:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Let's hope that they are moving out!!!
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 573
   Posted 1/4/2017 1:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Karen:

You'll be the first one I'll tell if they do.

They've been there 5 or 6 years of causing trouble by letting their dog bark early in the morning if I don't do what they want, and they won't tell me what they want, because they're pathological and non-communicative.

What they wanted, it too me 4 or 5 years to figure out, was not to let my dog walk into their yard, after my dog and I took our walk, because it made their large, loud inside dog (Great Dane) bark, which upset them.

They did the other neighbors the same way. They trained them like dogs. They've all mostly moved, but it's taken over 2 more years to sell the house.

Oranged
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2014
Total Posts : 133
   Posted 1/4/2017 6:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi timtam,
Seems like you think things through thoroughly. And then think about your thought process.
My therapist used to tell me that's a blessing and a curse.
How would it feel to just do something without over thinking it ?
The idea troubled me at first but was slowly able to adapt it to certain areas of my life. Sorry I don't know why this made me think of your situation.
I hope the situation gets fixed with your neighbors. Must be pretty cool to have a dog, I bet I'd walk more often if I had one. Cats on a leash just don't seem right!
Hoping for peace of mind for you -

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 573
   Posted 1/5/2017 11:55 AM (GMT -7)   
You say: “Seems like you think things through thoroughly. And then think about your thought process.”

I really do think about it. Of course, I think, which a part of the problem, one thing that’s going on, is that I live alone, am a senior citizen, and have emotional problems, I have to think things through, for I basically have no help unless I think for myself.

I have to think before I cross the road, as in, is there really, really not a car coming?

I have some younger and the restless on this street, and I have to be aware of some of that, which I didn’t think that much of when there was another person in the house, although most of this started when there was someone else living in my house.

You say, “How would it feel to just do something without over thinking it ?”

I have heard that before, but I do have anxiety, social anxiety, and I think it basically means I’m just not as relaxed as most other people. I wish I was, but I’m not. I get along with certain kinds of people, but I do have social anxiety.

Or, in other words, I’m not a party animal like some people I know.

You say about thinking, “My therapist used to tell me that's a blessing and a curse.”

I agree. But I feel I also have to stay vigilant when necessary. In my neighborhood, any mistake could be your last. It’s a joke!!! Geeze! No, it’s not.

Here’s a story to illustrate. One day I’m walking my dog. See a father and his child, who was riding a training wheel bike. He lives a couple of streets from me.

He starts talking about the weather or something. I’m thinking, “The weather! We’re all about to be killed!!!!” He doesn’t have clue to what I’m talking about.

I tell him, I’m talking about steel pipes to put up under your door handles in case the mad men come to your house, your house, you’ll be ready for them! He says, “Gosh, seems like a dangerous neighborhood.”

He said it in a tone of voice that made me feel like a madman. His voice was so calm I couldn’t believe it. My voice in comparison must have been outlandish.

I later thought, we were coming from two different worlds. He lives with a group in a house, I live by myself, and have experienced people calling on the phone and knocking on the door who are up to no good. I am my first and last line of defense.

I’ve lived in his world, where no one picks on you as a member of a group. And I’ve lived in my world, where I have been living by myself.

This guy was laid back, like some other people I know.

I do enjoy walking my dog. It gives me a companion when I’m on the street. Walking by myself might be kinda difficult. I meet people. One of them was nice. Orange! That’s not it! It’s pretty close.

Oranged
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2014
Total Posts : 133
   Posted 1/5/2017 12:58 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't share the same details of your train of thoughts, but I know what you mean. ... that's why 'trying to not overthink something ' was suggested to me too.

I spent five minutes hiding in the restroom at work today before I had to go talk with my boss. I breathed , I used water and stared in the mirror wanting to bolt out of their and go home. Instead of crying I thought it was better to get the talk over with then to prolong it. the 'talk' was about missing so much work (do to my depression and anxiety). That was giving me more anxiety. I don't wanna tell my boss exactly what's going on, but still have to explain how I'm sick and that's why I'm missing work.

Vicious cycle and none of us deserve it. But as I stared at myself I thought, there's not a lot of people who need to do this, but I am one of them right now. I'm hiding in the bathroom to pull myself together. I did it. The talk is now over and I didn't share anything too personal. So somewhere beneath the layer of depression and anxiety is a typically functioning human. Sorry for my rant, but it was fresh on my mind.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40946
   Posted 1/5/2017 3:12 PM (GMT -7)   
I am glad you had a talk with your boss. I hope it went well.

Keep hanging on Oranged. Things will get better, you will be stronger.

Hugs, Karen...

Hi Tim Tam!
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Myself 09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 5945
   Posted 1/6/2017 6:57 AM (GMT -7)   
I read a lovely thing yesterday that seems to relate to this discussion.

Those who see the glass as half full or half empty miss the point. The glass is refillable.

There is no intrinsically right or wrong perception--there is only our perception. We can all look at the same object and have radically different perspectives--hence the half-full and half-empty example.

But--when you say it is 'refillable,' that is an insistence on choosing to acknowledge both states, AND their impermanent nature of being. Things change rapidly--based on how we position ourselves to'see' the glass. Being 'refillable' is a positive choice every time.

The hard part of life is that we learn as we go, no handbook or map to guide us. Sometimes we make a good decision, sometimes otherwise--but but we are more than the sum of our questionable actions. We are infinitely teachable and refillable.

Make the most positive interpretation of your actions.
Ulcerative Colitis 2003, Fibromyalgia DX 2005, Crohn's 2013, Enteropathic arthritis, 2013. Family History of Fibro--2 out of 3 siblings diagnosed. Started SCD-June 2013. *There are three kinds of people in the world: ones who see the glass as half-full, ones who see the glass as half-empty, and others who see a big crack in the side which is leaking all over their %$#@# foot

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 573
   Posted 1/6/2017 11:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Interesting reply, Myself 09.

The glass is refillable.

I agree, there is not built in determination of right or wrong, only our perception.

(However, when I see something, I see it, and I can be dogmatic, thinking that's the way it is. I understand other people's view, but at least you've allowed me to have my views, as proposterous as they may sound to others.

(Some of my views can be pretty far out, but they can still be right, even though they're not popular).

You say, "The hard part of life is that we learn as we go, no handbook or map to guide us. Sometimes we make a good decision, sometimes otherwise--but but we are more than the sum of our questionable actions. We are infinitely teachable and refillable."

As to your life has no map, I recently read a quote on the net which described this by saying, "Life is painting without an eraser."

It helped my understand some of my misques, in that, in drawing a painting, you can erase it, but in life, there is no eraser.

And you say, "Make the most positive interpretation of your actions."

I think that's right, also. I look back at the way I handled the last situation. Some things I did right, and some things I did wrong.

I can't change any of that. But I can choose to not just lie down and accept it. I can choose to put out thought and effort to improve it, for that situation is surely coming again.

To be caught making the same mistakes would be even tougher on me. One thing that happened from the mistake was, I learned from it. I have made some changes in my thinking and actions, and there are changes in my environment that I'm thinking about.

It's a never ending process.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40946
   Posted 1/6/2017 12:59 PM (GMT -7)   
It is a never ending process, but I have learned... With age we become more knowledgeable. Wiser...

We see situations for what they are as they happen. It becomes easier to react. Often things happen fast and we don't have much time to react so we go by gut instincts.

Even if two people see things differently, it doesn't mean any body is wrong. Like you said, it is our interpretation of the incidents.

Over thinking... Yes we all do that. Sometimes things are much more simpler than they seem. I often put things to rest so I don't over think them. It isn't like I am going to forget, and if I do, it wasn't worth the bother. Life actually became easier when I got fibromyalgia. I could only handle things one day (moment) at a time. It is a good thing. Silver lining. I am rambling...

Tim Tam, a mistake is just that. A mistake. Not worth beating yourself up over it. And if you were to do it again, it would still be a mistake. And still not worth beating yourself up over. Give yourself a pat on the back. You deserve that.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 6670
   Posted 1/6/2017 1:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes we all do over think. I believe it comes with humanity.

I key is knowing we do and taking actions as you all did!

I am humbled

Peace
trina
Moderator - Depression

"...when the gift of sight is cause enough for jubilation."
Billy Collins from the poem. HIGH

DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain;Hemicrania Continua; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

cilly
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2014
Total Posts : 1224
   Posted 1/9/2017 1:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Yes living alone can be nightmare and ppl start to doubt when you live alone.

I made friend other day while walking my dog and she has dog and cats as well.

I do not know her health condition and she does not know mine .

But her behaviour is bizarre .
Ppl when alone can act strange or spoke other ppl .

Anyways did you guys notice its 13 Jan the Friday.....oh my.

I saw calendar today.
I am bizarre now......
Cilly

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 573
   Posted 1/9/2017 11:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Cilly,

Good that you made a friend when walking your dog.

I meet people when walking my dog sometimes and one of them is a big help to me. We need all the help we can get.

You say you met someone recently, but that she is bizarre. Is she a neighbor you could call on if you need someone? That would be great if you had someone in your neighborhood like that.

How is she bizarre? I met a woman some years ago and she is both a friend in a way, and she's bizarre. She's a friend in that basically I'm the one who helps her.

She's bizarre in that every now and then she wants to move it, then I would have the criminal element inside my house. So I'm having to remind myself, to be very careful with this person.
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