I wish I could be normal

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ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 12/11/2005 7:25 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm not even sure I know what "normal" means. But I wish I could laugh like everyone else,and when I smile I wish it wasn't fake and I really meant it.
I don't even know anymore if I'm getting sick or if me being so tired and wanting to sleep all day is the depression.
I feel so sorry for my b/f as he is great and does alot trying to make me feel better,but when I go down that's it there doesn't seem like anything can be done.
I know my life could be way worse,I could still be married to my ex who was very abusive and loved to kick me when I was down. He still does that to this day but I'm getting better on not letting him get to me.
More to that story later I'm sure.
I guess normal is not something I'll ever see...
Don't worry about the world ending,it's already tomorrow in Australia!


Rianna
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 366
   Posted 12/11/2005 10:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Shy and Sassy!
I don't really think there is such a thing as normal. I looked it up and couldn't find a defination of it, so I guess there is no such thing as normal, but only a rigid expectation that we have of ourselves and keeps us from being content. Are "happy" people normal? Everyone (even people without depression) have problems. My Dad who has never known what it is like to be depressed is having problems in life. He is not smiling too much these days. I know many people even with severe depression, Bi-polar disorder, etc live very good and productive lives. Never give up - keep trying. Watch a funny sitcom, Do something nice for yourself..take a bath..go for a walk, maybe doing something to help others less fortunate..such as working in a soup kitchen. I did that a few times, and it made me feel very "normal" seeing people who did not have much and were grateful for one hot meal a day.

Do you take any medication for depression and anxiety? Perhaps that might help you smile again. Never give up hope, because sometimes that is all that keeps us going.

bearstinylady
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 12/11/2005 11:39 AM (GMT -7)   
i heard of normal... but i also heard it was boring.... wouldnt know i feel the same as u do sassy....... and ti know all about the ex... unfotataty... i have no chose but to put up with him as we share a child.... .. best advice on him is look at where it is coming from... " the weak kick the strong to feel btter about them selves"

bevhea
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 12/11/2005 11:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Rianna and bearstinylady, I loved both your answers, and shynsassy, I loved your question.

I saw the question asked in a group meeting for sexual abuse. One lady pointed at her husband, saying he's normal. She explained that he hadn't been abused and had never knowingly been around anyone who had been. She explained he was there trying to get a handle on what her abuse had done to her and which of her behaviors it caused, so he could be more sensitive and helpful. The whole room was in awe of the man. He never spoke, but he listened with his eyes and his ears. He had leaned forward into the conversations. He turned to his wife sometimes with a look that said now I understand. We were still in awe of him when the 12 week session ended.

Frankly, I don't think he was normal--I think he was an angel. I sure never expected to find an angel for me--but I did--after I resolved to get better and became a better person.

The really great part of the answers was "but I also heard it was boring." Ah, so, it is boring and boring is absolutely wonderful. No fights, few hurts, and lots of time and support, that goes both ways, for what either of us wants to do.

bev

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 12/11/2005 1:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh I so agree. Being normal and having your life "boring" would be awesome. I think that being a depressant you tend to enhance or make drama in your life when it really doesn't need to be there. Also it can work the other way to where when you should have drama in your life and you are just too darn depressed to care!
My boyfriend really needs to read about depression and axiety as he thinks that having a "healthy lifestyle" will make it go away. Yes it helps as I learned from my marriage,you need to look at your enviroment and change that if possible to start the healing process. But that is not the total cure.
Don't worry about the world ending,it's already tomorrow in Australia!


bevhea
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 12/11/2005 1:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Best not inform him too much, he might run screaming.

You have hit on some real truths, but I'm a believer in feeling that drama (at least once each new drama). How else will you get over what caused it--and a better question is how else will you know you are getting over it or have gotten over it.

Your boyfriend probably stuffs and would have you do it too. Stuffing is fine for my wicked stepmother made me eat peach pie, but it doesn't work for great or "forgotten" hurts. That just leads to hitting the wall. However, doing nothing also leads to hitting the wall.

The "total" cure is a combination, many combinations. It's like trying to crack a safe with lots of numbers in the combination. Not easy, but possible.

bev

Rianna
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 366
   Posted 12/11/2005 4:04 PM (GMT -7)   
ShynSassy, your boyfriend wouldn't happen to be Tom Cruise would it?? ((((smile)))

You said your boyfriend "really needs to read about depression and anxiety" - I hate to tell you this, but that is not going to happen. He is not going to go to a bookstore or order a book from Amazon dot com and find a book on depression. I would put books on depression or even articles on depression by my boyfriends night table "hoping" he would read them..and of course, he never did..just crumpled them up or used them as dust pieces. I finally sat down with him...(turned off the TV) made sure he wasn't tired or stressed..or anything else..and told him about depression and how I was feeling and that I needed for him to understand it to understand me. I then asked him to read a very small article on depression. He said "snap out of it, it's all in your head and you either choose to be happy or you choose to be depressed". I left him.

bevhea
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 12/11/2005 5:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Smart move Rianna.

bev

bearstinylady
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 12/11/2005 10:49 PM (GMT -7)   
its true think that ur other half should read and learn about the illness.. be it depression or anythng... because it will help him to nderstand a litle... and he may run screaming .. my man did 3 times.. but he came back... u kow why cause he saw he bad the god and the ugly... he just got scared.... but he learned more he went to semnairs.... and he loves me still...
u see the key is the other half neds to know how u are as u need o know how he'she is... it bulids a cummunacation and a trust...
but u cant force it on him... leave a pamplet around mention it... but dont push...
u see we experince the pain and all he sympons first hand.. they just observe.. and hope to understand..

Glenniem
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 30
   Posted 12/12/2005 5:37 AM (GMT -7)   
My wife also has no part in it. I have tried over and over to tell her that she should try to see what it is I'm going thru-to the point it felt like emotional abuse. And, of, course, helps keep me down.
The hardest thing about depressed folk I think is that people expect their significant others to hold out a branch and pull them out of the quicksand. My experience so far shows that it doesn't really work. They can't change how you feel. THey can't fix the real problem.
Even a lot of therapists can't either. This time, it really is all about you.

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 12/12/2005 8:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Haha on the Tom Cruise! He's too short for me ;)
I talked to my b/f last night,of course couldn't do it without crying.. but I got the "I'm doing everything I can to make you happy",and "your bringing me down too" So,now I have to feel guilty about being depressed!!
Oh,and I told him that I don't know where my place is in the world,and of course he took it as I want to get married!! ARGH that wasn't it at all,and I don't want to get married not yet anyway we've only been together for a year,plus I have no faith in marriage
Don't worry about the world ending,it's already tomorrow in Australia!

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