Post Edited By Moderator (Admin) : 12/15/2005 3:25:16 PM (GMT-7)
Welcome and I'm glad you're here!
Your life sounds very difficult. I understand the unpredictability of these things and how they wreak havoc on our trying to establish a nice, normal, orninary, contented life for ourselves. It is difficult and exhausting to deal with.
My reply will be brief because I have just two major thoughts and because you've received a lot of input and support already. I do support you and I hope you'll post here often. This is a great place, a welcome place, a safe place to talk about things that you might not want to talk about anywhere else, and a caring place. I'm glad you found it!
My first thought is that you seem to have a lot of symptoms of anxiety. Anxiety is like bipolar in that it can flare quickly and for apparently no reason (there is a reason, we just don't always know what it is without help in identifying it). Worrying from sunup to sundown... exhausting.
Also you said you went for therapy. I'm going to guess you did that once and didn't like it or it 'didn't work' so you don't currently go. I may be wrong, but this is what I get when I read that one reference to it. Therapy works. Talking works. It works when the therapy approach is suited to your needs and the therapist is someone you feel comfortable with. Short term therapy, the new and popular (especially with insurance companies because it is less costly) type of therapy is not for everyone. And I think it is especially not for people with long-standing problems/issues. Would you consider trying another therapist? One who is a psychodynamic therapist and will work long-term with you. One who specializes in 'depth work' to identify the issues that affect you today and see where they come from and what you can do about them; to re-think things. I think you'll find the peace and calm and relief you are looking for. Talking works. Lots of talking works even better!
I hope you continue to get great feedback and you'll let us know how you are doing!