My daughter problems relate to several specific events from her early life and teen years. I've watched her deny the connections and struggle through bad relationship after bad relationship because of low self-esteem. She hit the wall in September and went into counseling. She started cymbalta (20 mg twice a day) two weeks later. That's below the recommendation, but with the exception of 2 brief down periods, she has steadily improved in mood, clarity of thought, self esteem and confidence.
Yesterday we went to our friend's 50th anniversary. My friend may sound "old" but since she married at 16, she's only 66. And that may sound "old" but she's much younger in every way. She has kids, grandkids, and great grand kids, and she is my surrogate mom, and very special to my daughter.
Instead of being self-absorbed as she often is, my daughter looked at who was there. about half were from the school district where my friend had taught. My daughter noticed that they were all the "nice" teachers. The other half had worked with her husband. My daughter knew many of them and said they were nice people too.
She asked where my friend and her husband were raised and I told her right here on adjoining ranches. Then she wondered what it would be like to be born, raised, work, marry, and live your life in one town. I told her, like this if you've lived well and surrounded yourself with family and friends that yuo love and who love you. If you don't live well, then it would be lonely.
My daughter noted that I was completely comfortable and assigned it to being there for my friend. I told her to look around--her children and their spouses are working hard keep the food flowing and take care of guests' needs. It's their mom and dad's day and they are fully supporting and making it a good day for them. Not one guest is here to see or be seen. No one is here because they have to be. This is a group of a hundred very nice people all here to celebrate two very nice people's 50 years of marriage.
Shortly after that my daughter, the shy, retiring violet, got up and left behind the self-conscious part of her. She talked to other guests. She laughed, joked, and was comfortable. I haven't seen her be part of a group in 10 years, since she was a teen. Seeing her get out of her walled in little world and be comfortable in a group was a great joy for me.
Making it even better, my daughter, the girl who tried to go to college for all sorts of careers and quit more times than you can imagine, said she has decided on what she really wants to do. This time, it sounds right for her.
Without counseling and cymbalta, she would still be stuck in the misery and agony of her non-directional self-absorption. With them, she made the first hurdle herself, and yesterday at the anniversary party she saw a future. I think she is going to be ok.
Post Edited (bevhea) : 12/18/2005 12:19:55 PM (GMT-7)