Worried about my son

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Chillimama
New Member


Date Joined May 2017
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/9/2017 4:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello,
I'm at my wits end. My son who is 31 split up from his girlfriend over 2 years ago after 2 years together. They were living together. This was his first love. He had not had a long term relationship before this. Since the split he has been depressed. The last three or four months he seemed to improve, but this was because he was seeing his ex again, they were sleeping together and seeing each other for dinner regularly but she said she didn't want to get back together. I didn't approve but he seemed so much happier. Then she started seeing someone else and has stopped seeing my son and he has gone into a deep depression. He has thrown himself into his weight training and I found out he's taking steroids too. Every day he goes to work the gym walks for hours then goes home to sleep. He doesn't speak to anyone in the family and I only get yes no answers and I'm fine leave me alone. We are all so worried about him. He no longer meets his friends or brother and sister. If he's not at work or in the gym he's asleep. He went for counseling after the break up but I don't think the counselor understood how bad he was. Now he won't talk to me or consider counseling. I'm worried he's going to do something silly. He's an adult so I can't force him to get help. I feel so helpless. What can I do?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41706
   Posted 5/9/2017 5:21 PM (GMT -6)   
The best you can do is be supportive of him. Adults make their own decisions and maybe the working out is helping him. Though the steroids really aren't the best. But it sounds like he wants to improve his self image by buffing up.

People do change habits. Maybe he has made some new friends or for other reasons doesn't have time to keep in touch with everybody that he use to. Try to look at the positive side of things and hope for the best.

I hope that things get better soon. I am sorry about your son's relationship. But better now than later on when more is invested in the relationship.

Keep hanging in there, welcome to the forum.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Chillimama
New Member


Date Joined May 2017
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/10/2017 2:51 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for your reply.
All I do everyday is hope things will improve. I have supported him and I don't judge him. My worry now is he is cutting himself off from everyone apart from his trainer and one friend who he's had since he was 3. He won't talk to me and if I do get a response it's just 'I'm fine leave me alone, I don't need anything or anyone.'
I'm here for him day and night if he needs me. I'm not going to keep pestering him every day. But everyday I don't hear from him I worry he's done something to himself. He's said a few times what's the point of living? There's nothing good about living. That's why I worry. He's an adult and there's nothing I can do to help him other than be there if he calls. It breaks my heart to see this wonderful man like this. As a child and youngster he was the happiest and kindest boy. He seemed to love life so much.
Again thank you for your reply, it was nice to have someone respond.

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1022
   Posted 5/10/2017 11:41 AM (GMT -6)   
You said,

"Since the split he has been depressed."

And the split up was 2 years ago.

Sounds like he should see a psychiatrist, and maybe get an anti-depressant.

Has he ever thought about getting treated for depresssion?

And if he's on steroids, that might preclude him from getting on an anti-depressant.

I've read that steroids can increase anger. I've read about people on steroids who get into road rage situations. When I use to drive, I could get into road rage situations without steroids.

I'm bipolar, and it doesn't take much. The only thing that keeps me calm now is the Lithium.

You say, "Every day he goes to work the gym walks for hours then goes home to sleep. He doesn't speak to anyone in the family and I only get yes no answers and I'm fine leave me alone. We are all so worried about him. He no longer meets his friends or brother and sister. If he's not at work or in the gym he's asleep"

You know, that probably does sound like depression.

The only reason I went to a psychiatrist was because I had a nervous breakdown. I had been out of work and depressed for 3 weeks, with no job, I had no social contact. I knew I should get help but living on my own for a short time, I didn't really know how to help myself. I wasn't use to that.

So I had to wait until I ran into real trouble, which was a nervous breakdown, and then I had no choice but to get help.

Many years later when I got depressed again, I had a better idea of what to do, I was around family, got some good advice, and made an appointment with a psychiatrist. He gave me an anti-depressant, and it pulled me out of it.

You son is still working, I wasn't, so he's functioning and may think he can hold it together.

In addition to the depression, he has anger, which may be something separate. There is something called "anger personality disorder," which you may want to look up on the net.

My dad had that, and my brother, so that's the only way I know about it, and that's just a possibility in my amateur view.

You say, "As a child and youngster he was the happiest and kindest boy. He seemed to love life so much"

That doesn't sound like anger personality disorder. My father told me how mean of a kid he was, and I know for a fact my brother was mean as heck as a kid. So, it doesn't sound like he has that. But he does sound pretty angry, which may be part of the depression.

You say, "But everyday I don't hear from him I worry he's done something to himself. He's said a few times what's the point of living? There's nothing good about living. That's why I worry."

Yeah, that sounds like depression. One thing that has helped me is that, "One problem at a time, and be positive about that problem."

He's 31, that does sound at about the age some of this breaks out. I was about 27 when mine hit, and continued into the 30s, and I've been on such meds since.

It will help him to have family and friends around. One key, like you know, is communication. So, keep trying to get through to him.

If you stay positive that you can help him, that might improve your chances. Stay positive about your own life, also. Drifting away to your own interests might get his attention.

Chillimama
New Member


Date Joined May 2017
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/10/2017 1:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for taking the time to reply. He did go for conselling and saw a psychotherapist who just told him it was normal to grieve a relationship but after such a long time he needed to move on. Because he is 'functioning' they don't take him seriously. He was on anti depressants but only for a short time. He's got worse since the ex started seeing him again, using him if you will, them started seeing someone else and stopped all her endless texts and phone calls and invites to dinner. I warned him not to get involved but he has to do what's right for him. The trouble is now he is by far worse than he's ever been.
We are all trying to keep talking to him, going round to see him, inviting him round, but he declines all invitations. . This started a month ago after a lovely family BBQ. He was happy and relaxed, he sent a couple of nice texts for a few days after and then he just changed. Overnight. He was already on the steroids, knowing how we all feel about them, but overnight things changed.
I will keep going round and talking, or trying to. That's all I can do.

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1022
   Posted 5/10/2017 3:11 PM (GMT -6)   
You said:

" He was on anti depressants but only for a short time"

That may be part of the problem. He knows what the problem is, he knows what the answer is, but at 31 and single, it conflicts with his social life.

Anti-depressants and alcohol, for instance, don't go together. So, if he wants to keep dating, he can't be taking any anti-depressants.

So, he 's got a conflict. At, 31, better to be able to date and drink than to get along with his family. Much better.

You say, "He's got worse since the ex started seeing him again, using him if you will, them started seeing someone else and stopped all her endless texts and phone calls and invites to dinner. I warned him not to get involved but he has to do what's right for him. The trouble is now he is by far worse than he's ever been."

Even as a single senior citizen, I know how that female thing can be. I had a woman I was trying to help, give moral support and whatnot, and after a year of that we'll say, she cut off contact with me.

I figured, she must be dead if she didn't want to see me, or something like that, so, from watching too much detective TV, I called the police department and ask them to do a welfare check on Jane.

Well, they did, and she was OK, and it turned out she wasn't laying on the kitchen floor passed out, she just didn't want to talk to me, and she was not pleased that I had called the police to her house.

And like your son's friend, that's they way they do it, they just don't answer their phones. Well, I didn't know that.

As it turned out, she had a boyfriend, and she really, really didn't want to talk to me again, until she broke up with her boyfriend and then she wanted to call, something close to that.

And with just the talking on the phone, it's a huge letdown. So I can imagine what your son is going through with this on again, off again, full relationship he was having with this woman. It's like falling off a cliff.

And it will happen the next time he meets a woman. It never ends.

So I think that might be the conflict: Wanting at 31 to live the life of a single guy, and not wanting to lead his life on an anti-depressant.

He knows he has only so many years of his youth, and he doesn't want to give away any of them.

I think everybody is doing all they can.

Again, one problem at a time, and be positive about that problem.

Post Edited (Tim Tam) : 5/10/2017 3:16:15 PM (GMT-6)

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