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Oranged
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2014
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 5/19/2017 7:23 PM (GMT -6)   
How many more things can I try ?
Been through a slew of medicines. I've tried TMS and ketamine treatment. How much of this depression is just inside of us, that's untouchable by a treatment or a medicine? I always wonder that.

Therapy, exercise, psychiatrists and psychologists.... I've did it.

This is about my fifth major cycle of depression. Once I'm out of it (as in the past, I know what feeling good is). This struggle to get back to or find a new good is taunting and tiring. I've never slept so much in my life.

Just venting... thanks

BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7033
   Posted 5/19/2017 8:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi oranged welcome back.

For me the answer is putting coping into my daily life, as life changes.

For instances, gentle self-compassion yoga; guided meditations (a free app that has tons of stuff including podcasts is Insight Timer); mindfulness in all we do. Trying to bring awareness to the present moment, letting "later" take care of itself.

All this takes time, hard work. Any change is difficult.

Once I owned my diagnosis's, instead of saying to myself I have this because... it was easier for me.

No one want illness, it is not yours or my fault, however there is nobody else that can help heal and/or do the stuff that has to done, but ourselves.

Once I was in charge of finding a way of living a better life with my diagnosis's, it was easier to do this work.

I hope this helped
Peace
Trina
Moderator - Depression

"...when the gift of sight is cause enough for jubilation."
Billy Collins from the poem. HIGH

DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain;Hemicrania Continua; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41606
   Posted 5/20/2017 10:36 AM (GMT -6)   
You said you been through therapy, exercise, psychiatrists and psychologists. I hope you are continuing to do this. It takes time... Don't give up. Sometimes it takes a certain combination of medications to cover all bases. I use to take anti-depressant, anxiety med and mood stabilizer. Now I don't take the anxiety medication but still take mood stabilizer and anti-depressant. I have been on them for years. I still see psychiatrist and psychologist.

It takes a lot of hard work and patience Oranged. So don't give up. Keep hanging in there. Changes can be subtle.

It can be a daily struggle. You constantly have to work on getting better. But if you learn skills it comes natural after awhile. Try meditation, deep breathing and mindfulness. They all help. Just don't give up.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Oranged
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2014
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 5/20/2017 10:41 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm not giving up. I'm just trying to decipher how much of this is permanent. I think half the times I felt ' good" in the past is solely based on not feeling this way. I reach another level of life. So I was happy to do things, and be social, challenge myself.

the daily struggle isn't helping me feel or get better. I'm kinda just existing and thinking about the struggle. I had to stop working this time around too.

My coping ends when the walk is over, or the book is finished, and so forth. It cannot be right for someone to cry themselves asleep, and want to fight it so bad but also hide from it too.

BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7033
   Posted 5/21/2017 8:28 AM (GMT -6)   
Oranged,

I understand how you feel, I was like this the first 3 years after recalling suppressed memories.

see my diagnosis's under signature.

I urge you to read again my post.

I use my books as references, skills have to be used again and again. Things CAN BECOME BETTER it takes time. Just need to reframe how you see coping skills.

Peace and strength
Trina
Moderator - Depression

"...when the gift of sight is cause enough for jubilation."
Billy Collins from the poem. HIGH

DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain;Hemicrania Continua; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

Oranged
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2014
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 5/22/2017 8:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi
I'm not disagreeing with you, that things can get better. I've seen it happen in my own life numerous times. Just really sucks that it comes back with such a vengeance. I'm more fearful of feeling better, to have it crash again. How many times can I go through this?
The ' just need to' gets lost on me. I have a list of "just need to's"...

I feel like I'm sounding mean And complaining. two of my least favorite elements. Sorry about that
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