Its not going to win this time!

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Bella1979
New Member


Date Joined May 2017
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 5/22/2017 4:25 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi I just posted this reply to someone in another thread but wanted to make my own as I am also wanting advice. How can I let him know I'm there if he keeps blocking me. I don't want replies telling me he probably doesn't want to be with me anymore as I know the process of depression.

Hi.
I'm going through something similar and have done a few times with different men but have never found the answer to what we should do in this situation.

My last 2 relationships ended because of depression and I spent months trying to save them until I felt I was fighting a losing battle. I have learnt to try and separate the depression from the person and try not to take it personally but its so hard. Everything seems like a dilemma of wanting them to know your there and not wanting to push them further away.

I met my boyfriend 2 months ago and we fell in love straight away. He told me he had been diagnosed with depression and was on anti depressants and I accepted that. We moved in together and things were great. A couple of weeks ago he told me he had not taken his anti depressants for the last month. This worried me but didn't want to push it. One night after trying to give up smoking and being tired I got a little moody and I sensed that he didn't care which to me seemed out of character. I tried to tell him how I felt and make up with him but he just started throwing insults at me telling me I wasn't acting normal. He kept saying I had flipped which confused me as I hadn't, just got a little upset. We eventually made up and went to sleep. In the middle of the night I felt him turn over and wrap his arms around me and pull me closer. I kissed him goodbye in the morning and left for work as normal. He text me later that morning asking how I was. I said ok but still worried about last night. He said forget about it don't worry. I did still worry but went on to talk about what we were having for dinner and he agreed. Later that day he text saying to tell him when I was finished work. I text him to say I was on my last job and he text back saying that last night frightened him and that he had moved back to his old place. He said he didn't want to split up. I tried talking to him but he started to ignore me. I spotted that this was depression as I've been in this situation before so I just tried letting him know I was still there but he then blocked me on WhatsApp. We are still friends on Facebook and I post things occasionally so he can still see I'm still here for him. The other night I saw he had unblocked me on WhatsApp but hadn't sent a message. I sent one that simply said Hello. x. He viewed the message but did not reply. That was 2 days ago so I sent him a message this morning which said you may not want to talk to me or may not know what to say but I cant stop thinking about you and it would be good to know how you are. x. He blocked me again. This upset me at first but then I realised that this is the depression. The fact he unblocked me before shows that he thinks about me and misses me.


I have lost 2 relationships to depression and I sure as hell am not going to let it win again. I don't have all the answers but I am learning. No one can say how this will pan out for you or me. Yes you have to be prepared for the possibility that it may not turn out the way you want but if its really what you want then you have to have hope.

Sorry for the long reply but I hope it helped. It helps to know I'm not the only one going through this.

Post Edited (Bella1979) : 5/22/2017 4:28:08 AM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41716
   Posted 5/22/2017 6:01 AM (GMT -6)   
You can't force a depressed person to get better on your time scale. You also can't force them to be in a relationship with you. Give that person the respect that they deserve. Give them space and time to heal. You can be supportive. You don't have to be there all the time. They just have to know you are there when they need you and you have done that.

You can't fight some other person's depression. But you can fight your own if you are depressed. Give him some space. If you don't, you appear needy and he needs strong people for support in his life right now. If you keep pursuing, they will back off and shut you out.
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Bella1979
New Member


Date Joined May 2017
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 5/22/2017 6:17 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm not trying to fight his depression. I know I cant fix him but I need to know what I should do to support him. Sometimes yes they want to be left alone but sometimes they push people away to see who will come after them. I know he has anxiety issues and fears that eventually I will just give up on him. I have not been needy at all during this, if I was I would be messaging him and not on forums. I have respected his need for space and I'm trying to ride the process out but I know one wrong move can cause a setback and too many can be fatal. When I say I know the process what I mean is I know what depression can do to a person. I've learnt to separate the depression from the person and try not to take things such as being blocked as personal so I am remaining positive and strong. I didn't say anything about a timescale. He has time and he also has my respect but he also has an illness and I cant just ignore that.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41716
   Posted 5/22/2017 6:40 AM (GMT -6)   
You can't fix another person. You can support them and at this time he is saying he wants space from you. He blocked you again. Pray for him. Encourage him to get support. Counseling, therapy and a psychiatrist. But if you keep pushing, he will only back off more. Can you talk to his family? See what they are doing to help him.

I am just saying it can take years or be a life time battle. I have depression, I know...

Do you have depression too?
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

pitmom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2015
Total Posts : 2116
   Posted 5/24/2017 6:30 AM (GMT -6)   
You met your boyfriend 2 months ago and have already moved in together? That sets up a red flag right there! Then he says he stopped taking his meds 'a few weeks ago'? As in, right after you moved in?

The first thing you may want to do is ask yourself why you are moving so fast? How is it you 'fell in love right away'?

Relationships take time. It sounds to me like both of you had unrealistic expectations.
multiple surgeries for rotator cuff both shoulders with residual chronic impingement syndrome, ulnar nerve transposition, carpal tunnel release, wrist ganglionectomies/denervectomies/tenolysis, multiple herniated discs, tarlov cyst, whiplash, bursitis of hips, tendonitis, torus, 3rd degree shoulder separation, torn labrum, ovarian cysts, fibroid tumors of the uterus

Myself 09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 6072
   Posted 5/26/2017 2:00 PM (GMT -6)   
"It is not you; it's me." It's said often for a reason--to not hurt unduly the other person,and to avoid having a conversation about the decision.

You got upset with him, causing an argument.
He told you that your behavior frightened him.
He left your apartment.
He blocked you on social media.

He has told you what he wants of you, and clearly indicated his position-both in moving out and cutting off contact. You decided it is the depression talking and not him.

Love and desire are not the same. Desire burns out once it is fulfilled, and the intoxicating feeling dimmed. Love stays and accepts, despite the fulfillment.

I wish you well.
Ulcerative Colitis 2003, Fibromyalgia DX 2005, Crohn's 2013, Enteropathic arthritis, 2013. Family History of Fibro--2 out of 3 siblings diagnosed. Started SCD-June 2013. *There are three kinds of people in the world: ones who see the glass as half-full, ones who see the glass as half-empty, and others who see a big crack in the side which is leaking all over their %$#@# foot
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