I posted this to another forun but thought it would probably help to post it here as well since depression is one of the bigger problems for me. Any advice is appreciated...
I had no idea where to start in this forum but I know I'm in bad need of support. You can read about
some of my issues on my blog- www.justmelwithxanex.blogspot.com
Well I guess I've give a brief history for those who don't want to read through my blog.
age 11- diagnosed with scleroderma (they thought it was morphea-one of the forms) It started on my left middle toe and literally ate away at my leg all the way up to my knee. It's now discolored and I have only about 1/3 of my muscle and bone left in it. Anyway I learned to deal with that.
@ age 16- woohoo remission (so they say at Stanford) I'm now off the prednisone, pennicillimean??? and other crap.
age 19- gave birth to my son- healthy and beautiful!
age 26- gave birth to my daughter, very hard pregnancy and delivery was LONG...Also had my first episode of an anxiety attack during delivery. At that time I had no idea what it was.
soon after I started thinking I was going nuts. I had panic episodes all the time. I finally told my doctor. She prescribed Zoloft and sent me to a therapist. It seemed to work okay but after a while I felt I no longer was even in touch with my emotions. So I weaned off of zoloft and for about 6 months was okay- then here it came again.
@ age 28- doc prescribed lexapro- worked like a charm! I felt almost normal again- with the exception of my "monthly female episode" PMS yuck!
age 31- March 29,2005- My life drastically changes. I was in a serious car accident. Hit from behind - I was at a stop and he was going at least 60. I saw it coming, it was horrible. Since then I've been battling so many things:
shoulder pain- now recovered neck pain- now recovered
sciatica- still a problem
lower back pain- still a problem
and worse of all- LEG PAIN-IN MY LEFT LEG!!!
They say I have nerve damage and damage was done to my L3 & L4 (all things they can try and manage, however may end up chronic)
In the last few months I've been bounced around to so many docs. My leg wasn't getting any better and to top it all off- it was starting to discolor again. The Rhematologist runs all of the appropriate tests and sure enough guess what comes back??? My scleroderma is active again!!
My world is crumbling, my anxiety is in full force and now I'm trying to learn how to deal with the latest thing "depression"
The docs have tried to add effexor- BIG NIGHTMARE- then wean me off that and add Wellbutrin to my lexapro just to find out I'm allergic to the generic form of wellbutrin. In the meantime I feel like I'm on too many pills so about 6 weeks ago I weaned myself off my lexapro. I'm not sure if that was a mistake or not. I'm now on:
folic acid 1mg everyday (except weds)
methotrexate every weds
hydro/apap- 10/325 4-6 per day as needed (Norco because of the effect regular vicoden has on liver and can't have that with the methotrexate)
soma- when needed
xanax- when needed
SOOOOOO- now comes to why I'm here. I HAVE ISSUES!!!
I'm either crying or I'm so angry and I hate that both can affect my family. It's bad enough that they all have to deal with the side effects of my methotrexate (nauseousness, vomitting, headaches, fatigue, mouth sores, just to mention a few) but now they are having to deal with my depression and my anger. I'm snapping for no reason, I'm constantly irritable. My anxiety is horrible. It seems worse than it's ever been. Yesterday, I wondered what was wrong- I felt like I couldn't breathe right, like I couldn't swallow, disoriented & my lips were tingling. It was so bad.
Anyway, I don't know how to deal with this. I'm in pain and I have all of these mental issues. Where do I turn? What do I do? How can I deal with this? Is this just all the meds?
I've been feeling kinda disconnected from myself and like I'm losing my mind. I feel forgetful and like I can't really concentrate.
Trying to manage:
Scleroderma (just became active again after 15 years remission)
Lower back pain (auto accident 3-05)
Nerve damage (auto accident 3-05)
When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.