My partner left me after starting anxiety/depression meds, what do I do...?

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Grace1989
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Date Joined Jun 2017
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 6/27/2017 1:15 AM (GMT -6)   
I can't believe he can be so low as to think he didn't treat me well. I guess that really proves that he is depressed.. this is what I replied, I hope it helped him:

You're the best boyfriend I've ever had, and the best man that I've ever been with. Having you in my life made me happier than I've ever been. You did nothing wrong x

I haven't heard anything back yet..

getting by
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   Posted 6/27/2017 2:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Sounds like an appropriate comment to tell him. I hope you get a reply.

Give it a little time.

Hugs, Karen...
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fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Grace1989
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Date Joined Jun 2017
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 6/29/2017 12:45 AM (GMT -6)   
So I was just in my counselling session and he sent me this message....

I just been to my docs coz I have a sore tummy (I'm not sick just in a lil pain ) and he told me someone called up anonymously and said that my spirits were down? I could only take a guess that it was u? Thank u Grace for caring u are one of a kind.

I'm really panicking... I don't want to say the wrong thing.. and hearing him call me Grace hurts so much... we always used names for eachother, and hearing him say my real name puts me right in the friend zone. I'm so glad he went to the doctor but I just don't know how to interpret this......! sad

getting by
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   Posted 6/29/2017 8:49 AM (GMT -6)   
I know it is hard Grace, but you need to accept it for what it is. Look at it as you are friends, and if it becomes more then that is a bonus. You need to try to go with the flow. I know, easier said than done. He knows you care about him and that is a good thing. Now it is up to you whether you stay or go.

I wish I could explain it better from his point of view. I don't think he loves you any less, it is just what he is going through. Depression bites. You feel not good enough for anyone or anything. Even yourself. You don't want to hurt others but it happens. I think he feels he is saving you from unbearable things. When he gets better, he may look at things differently again. He may move on. This is something out of your control. Just do the best that you can for yourself.

I hope that things get better.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

F27
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   Posted 6/29/2017 11:29 AM (GMT -6)   
I've been internally debating with if I can I add anything of value to this conversation. I'm hesitant to pile on knowing how much this breakup has affected you, but I need to be clear on one point:

Did you really phone his doctor?

If you did, I simply have to say that doing so is an extreme violation of his privacy. It's obvious you care, but phoning the guy's doctor crosses a line. So not good.

Please forgive my bluntness if I've misunderstood.

Grace1989
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Total Posts : 17
   Posted 6/29/2017 12:20 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks karen... we have had a longer conversation and he is beginning to open up, so things are looking a bit better now... thanks so much for all your advice.

F27.... yes! I totally understand what you mean. I debated for a weeks as to whether to call his doctor or not. The only reason I did it in the end was because he said something to me on the phone a few weeks ago along the lines of "maybe I should just take all my pills then I won't have any problems".
I figured well, even if I lose him as a friend, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I hadn't passed on my concerns to someone and he had tried to harm himself. Maybe it was over the line, but it is the type of thing we would do for eachother. I am disappointed that the doctor told him though, they promised they wouldn't. Luckily for me he took it as a sign of love and not an invasion of privacy... but I guess everyone is different smile

Grace1989
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Date Joined Jun 2017
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 7/2/2017 6:19 PM (GMT -6)   
So it's been a week since we "officially" ended things, and he has contacted me three times. . Each time was good and he seems happy, uses lots of smileys in his messages and laughs at my jokes. He asks how I am and offers to help with my car.
I'm feeling so mixed up... I'm glad he is feeling better but I miss him so bad.... I feel like we are still so close but he I holding me at arms length and it hurts so much.
I have decided I will stay two more months in town before I move back to my home town, but I don't know if I can do two more months of this... it's so confusing sad

getting by
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   Posted 7/2/2017 9:08 PM (GMT -6)   
I am sorry for all the confusion. Maybe if you write things down, you can sort it out and evaluate things along with how you feel. The only other thing is therapy, counselors are really good at helping us see things for what they really are and sorting things out.

I hope it gets better Grace.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Grace1989
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2017
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 7/2/2017 10:20 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks karen smile
I have been going to counselling, I actually started going before the break up because I wanted to work on my part in the relationship and my own issues. It sort of helps but she can't tell me much really.
Also I have been doing a lot of writing, it helps prevent me from sending him messages that might damage the situation.
I guess I am just more confused now because I am not even sure why he broke it off to begin with, I mean I thought it was the medication, but now he seems so much happier and relaxed. The temptation to start asking him questions is becoming overwhelming. I feel like I do deserve some kind of explanation, but then if he is going thru some form of depression and I put him under pressure now, I could lose everything.

getting by
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   Posted 7/3/2017 4:54 AM (GMT -6)   
I don't know if he could even give you an explanation to be honest. I don't think he knows what is even going on. Depression is such a mysterious beast. It takes you places you never go or want to go. No, I wouldn't pressure him if you can help it. Just ride it out for a little longer. If nothing transpires, then do what you need to do for yourself. Never forget yourself.

I am glad you are going through counseling. It does really help. I hope things work out for you.

Hang in there,

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Grace1989
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Date Joined Jun 2017
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 7/3/2017 12:04 PM (GMT -6)   
Yeah I suppose that's true... he texted today wanting to arrange a time to drop off the rest of my things that I had at his house. It was like another punch in the gut. The text messages were to happy and he used smiley faces. I am so confused...
It's making me think now... what of he's not depressed and leaving me had really made him so much happier? And in that case, why was he acting so happy and in love right up until the break up? Or could this behviour be part of the highs and lows of depression? It's killing me that he seems to have made the transition back to being friends so easily..
But yes I know that if I try to tell him any of this he will withdraw again. I am not ready to see him yet. And I'm starting to feel angry at the whole situation.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41702
   Posted 7/3/2017 1:44 PM (GMT -6)   
I think you should get your stuff from him and then move on. This is torture. I think you will be much happier without all this going on. He does seem to be moving on easily. Maybe he wasn't happy in the relationship but didn't realize it. That does not mean that there is anything wrong with you or anything that you did. It just means he wasn't happy. I would make a clean break and let him know it is too hard to be friends when you were just in a relationship. I think that would be easier for you. But that is just my opinion, I am sure you probably feel differently.

I hope that things get easier.

Keep hanging in there, take care of you. Do something nice for yourself.
Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Healthy
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Date Joined Jul 2017
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   Posted 7/4/2017 4:26 PM (GMT -6)   
This thread has been deleted as it is spam, this person has posted in 8 different forums.

Post Edited By Moderator (straydog) : 7/4/2017 4:58:07 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
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   Posted 7/4/2017 6:21 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you Straydog...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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