I broke up with my first serious girlfriend early June 2017. I met her the first couple of weeks in my first year of college around September 2016, and I thought she was the one. I say this because I have lived in LA all of my life, and I had never met a girl so beautiful inside and out. She was so different to what I was used to back home, and I have never been as happy as I was with her. She broke up with her high school boyfriend of 2 years to be with me; he was her first serious relationship. We became "official" on December 15.
We broke up because she said she wasn't over her last relationship and she said I deserved someone who was. And that someone else deserved all the love and support that I gave her. But I don't want that, I want to show continue to love her because I've never gotten so close to someone and it was amazing. I was the luckiest guy alive, and I mean that sincerely. Everyday I would be so eager to see her. I couldn't believe I had found someone so amazing and every time I saw her I couldn't help, but fall in love with her more.
I would tell her how much it would hurt me that she kept talking to her ex boyfriend and she never did anything to change that. All of our fights originated from this; it was why I was always so angry and depressed at the smallest things. Because I would see her do it and I wouldn't say anything. How can she hurt someone that was by her side through everything. Whenever I did she would turn it against me and she would make me believe that I was the one doing something wrong. And she'd expect me to fix it. She continued to hurt me and thought hiding and lying behind my back was right. She put her ex boyfriend's feelings over mine and kept me hidden to keep him happy.
I would brag and tell all my friends about her. I posted her everywhere; my friends and my family were so happy to see me how I was. My parents came to visit me for my birthday in March and I introduced her. They told me that they had never seen me how I was. And they could tell that she loved me, and they really liked her for that.
She planned to visit me again in LA during summer break and I had so much planned, a list, with places I wanted to see and experience with her. I was just as excited as the first time she came to visit me, and I knew that this time it would be better because we had been through so much more and we had grown so close to each other. Recently, we talked and I told her that if we ever get back together, there can't be any conditions on any either one of us. That we need to communicate and that we have to completely in the relationship. She told me that she don't want to think about the future. That she just wants to be friends and that whatever happens, happens.
Her blatant responses and actions to my messages and to everything makes me think that she never loved me like she said she did. That everything I did for her was as not worth it, or enough for her. But there's a part that's knows that's not true because I know I was. I know I was perfectly good to her even if I did have my own fault, and I also know that no other person would have responded or treated her the way I did. I told her I'd help her get through it, that I would do anything to be with you even if it hurt me a while longer because I know that pain is only temporary. And the best things are hard to get. I did everything I could possibly do to keep her happy and I'm not sorry for that because it makes me so happy to see her do well. I always put her first, I was never selfish, and that it didn't bother me, because she made me happy once. She was my first real achievement.
Now, I don't know what to do. I know she doesn't want to think about the future, or what will happen with us, but I do. I want it so bad. I'm afraid that I'll stop loving her and that it will never be how it was.