Heartbroken, relationship ended because a depression

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tracy458
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2017
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 7/30/2017 6:11 AM (GMT -6)   
As I'm sitting here and I find it hard to catch my breath!!! I've been in a relationship for almost years. We are both divorced, his was much worse than mine. Anyway he's stuggled with Anxiety ever since we've been together. Everything seemed good most of the time.

3 days ago he blindsided me and told me that he had to end our relationship that he was depresed. His therapist encouraged him to end it 3 months previous. He said he loved me and couldn't stand the idea of hurting me.

He's scheduled to see a psychiatrist in a couple weeks. I was so unaware how bad it was so I was less than supportive when he said he needed go back on his meds.

His entire family had deserted him during his divorce and it cute his heart. His children cut him off at first and barley ever see him. He said that it is so bad, it's like he's on a plane thats going down and you are supposed to put your oxygen mask first. He said He us spiraling out of control and has to do it alone. I will not give up on him. I promised to be there for him at least as a friend.

I've done so much research over the couple days... all I xan say is I just didn't understand the depth of despair he is feeling. I breaks my heart even now knowing hiw he's suffered. I joined a therapy supportvtrou. I have to find some kind of understanding!!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41720
   Posted 7/30/2017 12:28 PM (GMT -6)   
It sounds like you have a bit of anxiety going on. I am glad your partner (ex) is going to see a psychiatrist. He can get an idea of just how bad his depression is.

Know that this is not the end of the world, though I am sure it feels like it is. You probably feel rejected and alone. I can only imagine what you are going through. Try to hang in there.

I am glad you are learning about depression. You could probably use some direction right now, have you thought about therapy? I know you joined a support therapy. Is it one on one? I think you could use a little one on one therapy. Not saying anything is wrong with you, but I feel that the support would benefit you a lot. I hope that the support group you joined helps.

It is clear to see you truly care about the guy. But I think working on moving forward will help. Work on you while he is working on himself. Try not to over think, which is something we often do. Just do some nice things for yourself such as self nurturing, listening to music, going on a nice walk. It all helps.

Hang in there and take care...

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41720
   Posted 7/30/2017 12:31 PM (GMT -6)   
This thread is so similar to your other thread, so I don't know how much response you will get as members responded to you on that one. Just don't forget to check it too.
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Marqi
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2017
Total Posts : 49
   Posted 7/30/2017 12:49 PM (GMT -6)   
So sorry Tracy, that you are having such a hard time with this. I've always thought relationship breakups, and death are the 2 hardest things a person will have to face living this life. That was years ago. I now know that there are way more issues which can cause us to spiral out of control. I still believe relationships are up there in the top, but there are things you can do to help yourself get through this.
Joining a support group was a great idea. I have tried to join one in my area, but haven't been able to find any active.
It's good that you are coming here to talk about it as well.
I wish you well, and hope you can find some understanding in all of this.
I should be able to around quite a bit in the future if you want to talk..
"hugs" Marqi
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tracy458
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2017
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 7/30/2017 3:53 PM (GMT -6)   
Marqi, thank you so much for the kind words. I think the hardest thing is knowing that he deeply loves me but he knows that he can never deal with his anger and depression with there. He's afraid I'll be casualty of war at least that what he said. I feel like something has died inside me. But I also realize that I never recognized how badly he was suffering. Just keep telling myself to breathe. Thats all I can do!!!

tracy458
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2017
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 8/4/2017 8:34 AM (GMT -6)   
A week later and I just wanted to give an updated and ask for support/advice.
Last night I went to his place. I needed to get somethings (we were living together), he texted me the night before and asked I would like to have dinner with him. It wasn’t easy being there because the pain is still pretty deep. I think it was good, but that’s what I need a little unbiased support.
In the past week I’ve relived our relationship, the good and the bad. Saying this I recognized that I missed so many signs that he was struggling.
Anyway, I told myself that I was going to make a positive experience (at least to the best of my ability).
We both tried to talk openly and honestly about the way things ended and the reasons he has to do this on his own.
He told me that he feels like he has flatlined, that he can’t find any joy in his life, that nothing makes him happy. No matter how nice his house or his car is, no matter how much money he has. He can’t pull himself out of this and he won’t survive if he doesn’t find a way to deal with it. I went to a depression support group earlier this week and we talked about some of things I learned.
I told him I have no understanding of what he is going through but that I am reading and researching, trying to at least find ways to be supportive.
We agreed that he needs space right now, to get on him meds and to try and clear his head a little. I told him I’m not going to disappear from his life and he said that he didn’t want me to, that I need to give him time.
We both agreed that for now being friends is enough, that eventually we will talk and do things as friends.
I have to tell myself that I need to have patience with him and be kind to myself in the process.

BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7097
   Posted 8/4/2017 9:59 AM (GMT -6)   
Tracey, welcome to the forum.

I would like to add that processing depression, anxiety and learning to deal with in can take years. I am on my 7th year and still struggling.

Strongly recommend you talk to your GP about how you are feeling.

If it is to emotional for you to remain friends on a consistent level, don't. Tell him you will be there if he really needs you, to talk or in a crisis. But you do not have to continue to live in hope, when he will be changing back and forth as he progress's.

You have your life to live, and perhaps a smooth relationship is waiting for.

Peace
Trina
Moderator - Depression

"...when the gift of sight is cause enough for jubilation."
Billy Collins from the poem. HIGH

DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain;Hemicrania Continua; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;
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