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BrianJ (bne)
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 198
   Posted 8/13/2017 8:41 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm at work and just had this overwhelming feeling of sadness wash over me. I feel like if I have one more tiny thought of something sad I'll just break down completely. I have an incredible urge to cry and don't know why.

Things are finally looking up for me and I have been feeling well. Is it that hidden part of me that feels that my life should always be in turmoil? That part that always seems to have me balancing on the knife edge between happiness and crisis?

I grew up in a constant state of crisis and know I lived my life in that state. But I have moved on....I thought.

Why should I feel this weighty sadness now? I just had a good camping trip with my 2 sons....I am financially strong for the first time in decades....I'm looking at a retirement property next week and it's everything I want......

This has helped, actually. Putting this into words makes me realise I'm right - it is just old habits and influences poking my ribs.

Thanks to anyone who reads this but mostly to those who created and maintain this site.

Brian

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1022
   Posted 8/13/2017 9:36 PM (GMT -6)   
You said:

"I'm at work and just had this overwhelming feeling of sadness wash over me. I feel like if I have one more tiny thought of something sad I'll just break down completely. I have an incredible urge to cry and don't know why."

I once cried in front of my psychiatrist, and she said, "Aw, you're just depressed."

I won't go into how cold she was, but I did learn from that, that crying, and the sadness and all, is a sign of depression. Again, with the other conditions around it, prolonged sadness, etc.

You may have hit an age when depression sets in, and if it's not a situation that's going on, it may be in your genes and due to come out. I don't know that for a fact, I'm just making some possible ideas.

Is there any depression in your family, like parents or grandparents? It can skip a generation, like a grandparent could have had emotional problems, but not your parents, but then you could have picked it up.

In my case, as a bipolar, I got it from my mother's mother. My mother did not have that, so it skipped a generation.

You may want to ask around to see if there was any of that. I'm on Lithium for the mania and Mirtazapine antidepressant for the depression.

You may want to talk to a psychiatrist and just get their opinion. You don't have to take any medicine if you don't want to.

What do you think?

BrianJ (bne)
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 198
   Posted 8/13/2017 9:44 PM (GMT -6)   
Tim,

I should have clarified - I was diagnosed in '96 with Major Depression and Bipolar Disorder. I've been on and off this site over the years and mostly to vent, although I have had many rough patches when people here really helped. I know 'why' I want to cry, insofar as it applies to my diagnoses, but I still don't know WHY I want to cry - make any sense to you?

I suppose it may be an unanswerable question at this stage but I also know that whenever I do open the flood gates, I always feel better afterward. As I said, I was really just looking to vent - there aren't any people in my life who understand what this is like so I come here for comfort and acceptance. Hence, my thankfulness to those on this site - You included Tim.

Brian

BTW - that Doctor was an absolute a-hole.

kellyinCali
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 284
   Posted 8/13/2017 10:42 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Brian, Just wanted to acknowledge you and comment that although I wish you were feeling better, you are also able to see the "good things" in your life and that is very healthy. Even though you haven't put your finger on "why" you want to cry beyond your bipolar brain, I think its best to let yourself have a good cry now and then. I too feel better after I vent and cry. I have often likened it to my version of "cutting." This is how I get it out. To swallow it or make lemonade doesn't really help until I've allowed myself that break down.

BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7087
   Posted 8/15/2017 6:37 AM (GMT -6)   
Sounds as if it is time to talk to you doc.

This is the way depression works.

Takes so much energy to suppress feelings, be strong, let everyone know are can handle it.

You tell youself, I have been through worse, I will survive this.

Then one day, there is nothing left to fight. Life settles. Your survival skills don't know how to shut down. So emotions go haywire.

You are NOT ALONE in this.

We are here with and for you.

Peace and strength
Trina
Moderator - Depression

"...when the gift of sight is cause enough for jubilation."
Billy Collins from the poem. HIGH

DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain;Hemicrania Continua; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;
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