What do you tell people?

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emotions
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 8/20/2017 9:15 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm really in a major depression and fear mode and been faking it and it's exhausting and doesn't feel right. It's like I want to shout to the world "I'm depressed and Can't function right now". Life is really starting to stop. Can't get my mind to stop looping. Some Good friends know but acquaintances I feel shame and blame. Any advise?

Tim Tam
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Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1024
   Posted 8/20/2017 1:21 PM (GMT -6)   
You say,

"I'm really in a major depression and fear mode and been faking it and it's exhausting and doesn't feel right. It's like I want to shout to the world "I'm depressed and Can't function right now". Life is really starting to stop. Can't get my mind to stop looping. Some Good friends know but acquaintances I feel shame and blame. Any advise?"

I was first depressed at about age 28, probably about the age depression can set in for those who have it in their genes, which I did.

I just thought, at first, I was having a bad few days, things weren't going right, especially since I had never had depression before. So I didn't have a clue.

Plus, I was out on my own, 200 miles away from my growing up home, OK, my mom, youngest child, not versed in taking care of myself, always used to others, older children and adults, making my decisions for me, right, a great upbringing. A wasted 20 years, OK.

Then I lose my job, out of social contact, and within a day or two, I'm staring to feel a little bit bad. Again, bad day, no problem.

Well, within a few days of that, we're right on the cusp of depression. The big pit is right in front of us.

One more step and we're there, and now we can't make decisions because we're depressed. While we might could have done something in the "feel bad" state, now we're spiraling downward and it was pretty hard for me to figure out what to do.

So, we had a collapse, mom helped get me to a psychiatrist, who put me on some medicine and things improved.

So, I'm here to tell you, you might ought to see a psychiatrist. Have you ever seen one before?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41720
   Posted 8/20/2017 1:55 PM (GMT -6)   
I fake it most everyday. But it becomes habit. I don't feel any reason to tell people I am depressed. I find I fake it till I make it. Eventually things seem better. And I am in a better mood.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7096
   Posted 8/20/2017 3:30 PM (GMT -6)   
emotions,

you certainly are not alone in faking it.

It is a survival skill. No one wants to around a sad sac.

Do you go to therapy, see a psychiatrist?

Go to our RESOURCE thread at the top of this forum 4-6 pages of helpful information.
From Crisis tel numbers to Coping Skills to great books that can be helpful on a continuous basis as references when you are going through a rough time.

Peace and strength
Trina
Moderator - Depression

"...when the gift of sight is cause enough for jubilation."
Billy Collins from the poem. HIGH

DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain;Hemicrania Continua; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

emotions
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 8/20/2017 4:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you all. This is probably my 5 or 6 spiral down in the last 20 years. I have been to a few of psychiatristsand they put me in meds I usually can't handle them. I react worse. Even my friend who is a psychologist said to be careful with meds. I'm very sensitive to them. The last psychiatrist I saw was about a year and a half agoi. I see an integrative doctor who prescribes Cymbalta which the psychiatrist originally prescribed. To be honest the integrative doctor helped me more and the psych are all good. I do have chronic Lyme disease which she says make my nervous system react more to stress. I'm worse when and I think traumatized by so many times going through this. I don't know how but I come around. It's just horrible when I'm in it.

I am in therapy now with my husband for my adult son with many life issues including addiction. Not sure I can take another I have a spiritual counselor who I think I need to start with again. We increased my Cymbalta. Im trying to work a little to help others and a coach energy worker which makes this even worse as this is another growth experience for knowing compassion and understanding and sensitivity. Which is probably my problem! I think faking it til I make it makes me feel better although I feel like lying on the couch all day. Your comments are so helpful it's just my brain not working right I feel like I have a case of the "I can't and I don't know ". It's hard to motivate make decisions and follow through.

I also think my son who lives here now is depressed too but I may be projecting my stuff. At least he is not as down as I am. He is very difficult and we gave him a date when he has to move out. Tomorrow I have to meet a lawyer for my elderly mother and will do it and and have a client and. try for a better day and week. . I am in the process of increasing the Cymbalta and have found I get worse before I get better most times. . I'm trying to avoid the constant medication switches that I have been through. My blood work shows I have no detectable seritonin. Not sleeping well but Dr gave me something and don't want to get hooked on it and take it once in a while. I sound like a really terrible patient. Thank you for letting me vent and your support.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 8/20/2017 5:55:43 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41720
   Posted 8/20/2017 5:58 PM (GMT -6)   
I gave your post paragraphs for easier reading.

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Try not to worry about the past, just focus on today.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1024
   Posted 8/20/2017 6:44 PM (GMT -6)   
You say you have trouble with sleep.

I don't like to take doctor pills for sleep, either, so I looked at some of these health food suppliments, and found Melatonin which works good for me.

I take 1 mg. and it puts me to sleep, but only because I'm also taking Lithium for my mania and Mirtazapine for my depression..

So, without that I might have to go 3 or 4 mg, and they sell it in 5 and 10 mg, so it must be OK. But I wouldn't go that high.

So person on the anxiety website said he was taking Melatonin and Varlarian Root combined for sleep and that it worked very well.

I looked it up on Walgreen's Drug store and the two together in one pill is called Knockout. I know, I don't know about that one, knockout drops for sleep? I don't know about that.

Then they had a calm pill health food supplement, also sold at Walgreen's on the net, and he said it helped calm him down.

The Melatonin, you're supposed to check with your doctor or druggist in case it doesn't go good with the meds you are taking. My psychiatrist said it's OK, because it's been round a long time.

What's helped me is that I read about being positive when trying to solve a problem. I didn't know it but I was negative going into a problem that I wasn't going to solve it. And it was my negative, not the problem, that was hurting my chances of solving it.

So now I try to think positive when first realizing there is a problem I want to solve. And then I don't have to be positive after I've worked on the problem. I like that part, too.

Working with drug addicts is really a lot of fun. If you don't try to help them they get worse. If you do try to help them they get worse. There's nothing you can do.

If you kick your son out, he'll get worse. If you don't kick him out, he won't improve. There's nothing you can do.

It sounds like you're trying so that's good.

emotions
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 8/20/2017 9:06 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for your recommendations. Just spoke with my spiritual counselor and she really puts things in perspective. Interesting there is the total eclipse tomorrow. She recommended I sit for a bit under it, to embrace the dark side of life. As I know we all have the light and the dark which will be evident in the physical form tomorrow and now for me, and to know it is temporary as we will see the sun being covered up for a time.

I like the "If you don't try to help them they get worse, and if you do try to help them they get worse". But I don't find it much fun when it's your man/child. Can't ride the roller coaster though. But she did point out for us energy people it's very difficult to be in it day and day out. I also work part time from my home.

My psychiatrist tried my on Mirtazapine two years ago and I almost couldn't move and it was a small dose. I'm happy it works for you and your situation.

I also bought unisome from the drug store and may try that too.

Love the support here. Thanks again.
1992-Pos.Western Blot
1996-Active mono
2004-Hash. thyroiditis
2012-Positive Lyme Dot-blot,pos EBV,CMV,Mycloplasma Pneum.
2014-Active EBV, pos CMV, pos Myco,Lyme-Elissa, Anaplasma,
Bartonella-FISH
2016-Pos chronic EBV,Pos. Bartinella FISH
Currently fatigue, sweats, H/A, dizziness, anxiety, memory loss/brain fog but plugging along. Taking herbs

pitmom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2015
Total Posts : 2116
   Posted 8/21/2017 7:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Why do you feel shame? Having an illness is not shameful.

Why do you feel the need to say anything to an acquaintance?

What DO I say to people? "I'm not fit for human consumption today." Which usually gets me a giggle.

I love those commercials that portray people actually speaking honestly. No hidden agendas. No beating around the bush.

Honesty does not mean tactless. "I'm not at my best today." "I'm feeling a bit unwell." "I'm taking a mental health day." I've used all of these at one time or another.

As for sleep, I had a chiropractor that was offering 'Brain Core Therapy'. He asked if I'd like to try it and I did. I don't know how it works, I just know that after a few treatments I was not only sleeping, I was dreaming again and waking up feeling rested!

P.S. I've been 'maintaining' without meds for about 9 years now.
multiple surgeries for rotator cuff both shoulders with residual chronic impingement syndrome, ulnar nerve transposition, carpal tunnel release, wrist ganglionectomies/denervectomies/tenolysis, multiple herniated discs, tarlov cyst, whiplash, bursitis of hips, tendonitis, torus, 3rd degree shoulder separation, torn labrum, ovarian cysts, fibroid tumors of the uterus

emotions
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 8/22/2017 5:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for your suggestions. I'm not sure why I feel shame about it. Intellectually I realize depression is an illness. I have that illness but it makes me feel so much less than others who may be experiencing so much worse. "Why can't I handle life" goes through my head. I lost vision in my eye a few months ago and luckily it came back and it was difficult but nothing like this. Maybe because you can see the issue, with depression and anxiety, often you just look down and can fake it? My big fear is my brain has stopped working, and I ask how will I get on in the world. It feels like PTSD almost because I have been through it a few times before. Does that make sense? The hard part, if you can believe it, is I am a wellness coach! In that philosophy we create our life, we have free will choice. I'm trying to choose...like worked with three today and went to a light workout, but It feels like I don't have a choice in this state. Trying to find compassion for myself. Thanks for listening and allowing me to vent.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 19782
   Posted 8/22/2017 7:32 PM (GMT -6)   
hi, i am jamie, i live with mental illness. that was my opening line to the med students the other day. i said stigma started with me......and my role is to advocate change and demistify mental illness and to educate that is a medical condition like any other and that labels come from the uneducated.

kellyinCali
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 284
   Posted 8/23/2017 2:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Emotions, I am so sorry that you are in pain and "not functioning" well. Right beside you friend on your journey for wellness. I am just curious since you mentioned that you are a "Wellness Coach." What advice would you give yourself if you were your client?

pitmom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2015
Total Posts : 2116
   Posted 8/23/2017 5:57 AM (GMT -6)   
I soooo hear what you're saying!

I had 13 years of sobriety when I 'suffered' my 5th work related injury and slid down the rabbit hole to the point that I needed professional help and medication. I was blessed with a counselor that had a similar experience.

I had been berating myself..."You should know how to do this." "You help others, why can't you help yourself?" These types of thoughts would come unceasingly every day and make my depressed state worse.

Today, I look at it like I look at getting a cold or flu. Look around. Some people seem to never get sick. Some get over a cold quickly, while some suffer for weeks. Everyone is exposed to viruses (life). Some have incredible immune systems. Some have other habits that make them more susceptible or prolong the symptoms. Some take vitamins and get exercise to strengthen the immune system. Some run to the doctor right away, some wait until they need hospitalization. Some, no matter what they do, seem to come down with everything that is making the rounds, no matter what they do!

Just because I get a cold doesn't mean I don't ever get another. Just because I get over the symptoms the first time doesn't mean I won't have the same symptoms the next time. I just might recognize the symptoms earlier and take the necessary steps to wellness a little earlier.

I don't know a single person that doesn't hope they don't get sick. I don't know a single person with depression that doesn't hope they don't take another slide down the rabbit hole.

When I feel a cold coming on, I go get the 'cold and flu' meds (love the Zicam nasal swabs, by the way), load up on tissues and 'comfort food', know that I'm going to have to cancel some plans, tell people to stay away so I don't get them sick, too. I don't 'beat myself up' for having a cold.

When I feel the depression coming on, I let someone know and keep the crisis numbers handy. I load up on tissues and 'comfort food', know that I'm going to have to cancel some plans, tell people to stay away so I don't do irreparable damage to relationships. I don't 'beat myself up' for having a depression episode.

No one is born knowing 'how to do life'. Be gentle with yourself.
multiple surgeries for rotator cuff both shoulders with residual chronic impingement syndrome, ulnar nerve transposition, carpal tunnel release, wrist ganglionectomies/denervectomies/tenolysis, multiple herniated discs, tarlov cyst, whiplash, bursitis of hips, tendonitis, torus, 3rd degree shoulder separation, torn labrum, ovarian cysts, fibroid tumors of the uterus

emotions
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 8/29/2017 9:07 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Jamie,
Thanks for your reply, too.What a wonderful way to teach med students. I think when I am feeling fairly ok I'm good to tell people about my anxiety and depression and vulnerabilities.
But when I'm so down, it seems everything becomes almost impossible to express.

emotions
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 8/29/2017 9:17 AM (GMT -6)   
kellyincali- I would tell my clients to honor your feelings and self care.There is an trues essence of beauty beneath all the self talk. I have now cancelled apps since I am very shakey and not doing well at all.

Pitmom-it's interesting you talk about the flu, my PCP told me that I tested positive in my urine for Lyme bacteria, Chronic Ebpstien Barr the Mono virus and feels some this is from Neuro infectious Lyme disease in the brain. Just called another Psychiatrist who specializes in that, too. I am now on a antibiotic where she said there literature on it for antidepressant effects.I am also on the lYme forum which is supportive . too. First time in all these years I surrendered today and not doing anything. I drove to visit a friend and her husband this past weekend to get away and just be. Coming back to the reentry I think made things worse!

Hope you guys are all doing well.
1992-Pos.Western Blot
1996-Active mono
2004-Hash. thyroiditis
2012-Positive Lyme Dot-blot,pos EBV,CMV,Mycloplasma Pneum.
2014-Active EBV, pos CMV, pos Myco,Lyme-Elissa, Anaplasma,
Bartonella-FISH
2016-Pos chronic EBV,Pos. Bartinella FISH
Currently fatigue, sweats, H/A, dizziness, anxiety, memory loss/brain fog but plugging along. Taking herbs

kellyinCali
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 284
   Posted 8/29/2017 10:11 PM (GMT -6)   
E - I am so sorry you are not doing well. I am walking in the dark beside you seeking the light everyday. Sometimes I read "unsafe" posts on here as if we are supposed to be "happy." How can we be happy when our brain is making us cry for no darn good reason? That is the monster of depression. It's a body snatcher. I am literally a different individual when depressed who feels tormented, terrified and despair from depression. Is it rational? No. Can I control it? Honestly, no. I can only honor my feelings and practice self care, like you said. Hope you feel better very soon!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41720
   Posted 8/30/2017 2:27 AM (GMT -6)   
What do you mean by "unsafe" posts?
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

emotions
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 8/30/2017 5:25 AM (GMT -6)   
Maybe K means posts that suggest happy thoughts, that when like this are almost impossible when your brain takes over with self critical thoughts and reactive instead of responsive? We really have no control over it when in major depression or at least that is what our brain is doing. It's almost like it's involuntary.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41720
   Posted 8/30/2017 5:48 AM (GMT -6)   
I know that, I am a depressed person too, but what makes them "unsafe"? Like as if it is detrimental. I have not seen that here. I worry as a moderator about "unsafe" posts...

Remember everybody here suffers from depression, we are all a work in progress. Sometimes when we are depressed we can't see the positive and focus on the negative. Sometimes all it needs is to try to see the positive and be happy. Sometimes there are larger issues there. I think everybody here means well...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Post Edited (getting by) : 8/30/2017 8:57:56 AM (GMT-6)


RobLee
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2017
Total Posts : 373
   Posted 9/2/2017 9:06 AM (GMT -6)   
kellyinCali said...
Sometimes I read "unsafe" posts on here as if we are supposed to be "happy." How can we be happy when our brain is making us cry for no darn good reason? That is the monster of depression. It's a body snatcher. I am literally a different individual when depressed who feels tormented, terrified and despair from depression. Is it rational? No. Can I control it? Honestly, no.


So well stated! It's not something that we can just shake off, or as I so often hear, "let go". But I know what you mean about "unsafe" posts. Probably not the best word for it. Granted they are well intended, but again perpetuate the belief by others that depression is something that can be overcome simply by thinking happy thoughts.

getting by said...
I know that, I am a depressed person too, but what makes them "unsafe"? Like as if it is detrimental. I have not seen that here. I worry as a moderator about "unsafe" posts... Sometimes when we are depressed we can't see the positive and focus on the negative. Sometimes all it needs is to try to see the positive and be happy. Sometimes there are larger issues there. I think everybody here means well...


Perhaps counterproductive might be a better term, albeit with way too many syllables. We all get it from people who are not in the same kind of place we might be when depressed. Most often our thoughts dwell too much on something from the past, which we cannot change anyway. But hearing "just don't think about it" is like the big sign saying "do not push the red button".

I recently posted about Effexor. It has been great for PTSD and OCD, at least for me anyway, and with it I can usually chase away the tendency for my thoughts to linger in dark places. The memories are all still there, but I am able to put my mind to other thoughts rather than get caught up in the spiral and fall over the edge. Almost to the point where now I wonder what life would be like without it. I'm hoping that with enough experience training myself to say "I don't want to think about that now" that eventually I may move from Effexor to something like Cymbalta, which may be more effective for osteo and neuro pain. But enough about me smilewinkgrin

Emo - I don't know what to suggest. As it seems you say you have good friends who understand, you are way ahead already. Sometimes you do need someone to pull you out of the pit and get you back into something like a normal life. Often you can't pull yourself out of the pit without a helping hand. But don't dwell too much on your problems with friends, or that understanding might get worn pretty thin. No one wants to be around a Debbie Downer... which unfortunately only keeps the vicious cycle going.

kellyinCali
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 284
   Posted 9/2/2017 7:51 PM (GMT -6)   
I don't think I should have used the term "unsafe." I apologize for that, as nobody did or said something wrong. I think when we are in remission and we are stable and even though still depressed, more focused on the positive, it is tempting to give platitudes as a response to someone who is obviously thinking very negatively. Like I said, when I am depressed it is as if someone snatched my body and took over. I honestly feel "tormented" by the chemicals in my brain. Out of the blue, I start crying and panicking. My rational mind knows all of the right "self talk" but the darn "depression" has a mind of its own. It literally makes my brain SICK to the point where many self help techniques can't rescue me. At those times, I might be extra vulnerable to any post suggesting that its within my control at that moment. Depression is such a monster. Like I've said before, I feel so much empathy for those of us who struggle with it.
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