Depressed /Bipolar Gf Leaves me again.

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MikeLeno
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2017
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 8/29/2017 3:18 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello,

My gf, Liz, and I were dating for about a year. At first, i didn't want to date but after months of talking, we eventually got into a relationship..
It was blissful the first half but eventually turned sour. I saw her episodes a few times during the first half, but it wasn't ever that bad. At most, she would cry to me at her apt and say she might not be able to do well in school at the University of Michigan (school we both were attending), and that she isn't strong enough to survive in this 'survival of the fittest world' and that natural selection will kill her first. Yet, other than the episodes, she and I had the closet relationship. We were pretty sexually active, hung out a lot, I basically lived with her at her place, went on dates, pushed each other and studied together, and shared some of the greatest memories. In addition, we never fought, had the same goals in life such as being compassionate and wanting to get into medical school, and our families were similar in the way that they raised us and how we functioned.

However, once finals were over, she went home and so did I. Her dr. prescribed her to her take Lithium, which she warned me and was scared that she may start having some side effects. I reassured her that everything will be ok, just like I have been through the months of knowing her and being her bf. Slowly after taking it for a few weeks, she tells me that she needs space and to figure herself out. (it might have been an easy way of saying she wanted to break up. i really don't know). It shocked me, since we never had any problems to be broken up. I didn't know what to do and I just blamed it on the medication. Tbh, it was really heartbreaking and almost put me into a state of depression.

3-4 weeks later, we talked it out and decided to give it another go. I grew a bit during the time, and I guess she did as well - maybe she just needed a breather from me and everything that was going on. We decided that we didn't have to hang or talk as much like everyday if she felt suffocated or didn't feel like it. This semester went pretty well too. Other than having a few episodes where she felt that she wasn't right for school, for the most part was ok..I do remember her withdrawing herself from me and everyone, and at one point, she stayed in her room for a few days without attending class or talking to anyone.
On the good note, we still went on many dates, shared our feelings, had good talks, and everything.
Yet, we studied less together, i stayed over less, her sex drive was much lower so we wouldn't have much sex, there were times when she withdrew from me even though when i saw her with her family and friends she seemed so happy which was bittersweet since i want her to be happy but she was cold with me during those times she was laughing and happy with them. it was confusing...She went hot/cold with me too and i felt like i was walking on eggshells.

Once i graduated, it seemed pretty good still. even though we went back home to our separate cities, we still have decent conversations even though it wasn't like it was once before.
She went on vacation as I studied for my MCAT, but she felt suffocated so I gave her space. Idk what i even did, since i only talked to her maybe once a day, since she was in Asia and I was in Michigan. I also reassured her to have fun and to not worry about having to talk to me everyday....
A few weeks later she messages me while she was still on vacation that she misses me, loves me, is lucky to have me, breaking up never crossed her mind, apologized for feeling suffocated even though i didn't do anything in particular, is worried that we might not be communicating at our best, and that she can't wait to see me when we got back to University of Michigan.

Once we got back, which was still in July/1 week after she messaged me all about missing me/loving me/etc, we did everything a couple usually does - we hung out, went on dates, had sex, and caught up. She was super excited to see me, reassured me again that breaking up never crossed her mind, even said I could stay with her next year when I'm taking a year off bt undergrad and med school. The future seemed bright!
However, she claimed to have missed her medication (lithium still if i am correct) for 3 straight days. Yet, she still went with me and hung out with my friends. Everything was great and she reassured me that nothing was wrong....
Yet, the next day after saying that ^, I went over and hung out with her, which went really well. After hanging out, she asked if I still wanted to talk about long distance since that was something I brought up to her earlier that day that I wanted to do with her. Less than 5 minutes in, she tells me that she wants to break up. She avoids showing much emotion and even covers her face from seeing my emotions. I was super confused and sad. All she said was she doesn't and can't do a relationship rn - nothing else.

I tried getting her back and to talk to her but it never worked. She never gave me the chance to meet up with her even though she agreed to talk to me a week after we both cooled down and had time to think.
It's been almost 1.5 months, but I've been thinking about her day and night! I feel like the breakup was super spontaneous, but she disagrees. I also feel like some of her friends influenced her, but she claims that this was all in her mind for awhile and that her friends have nothing to do with this. Yet, if it was really in her mind, I don't understand why she would reassure me about all that "good stuff" and agreed to communicate and make a plan for long distance. I'm just so confused atm. I feel like it's a mix of spontaneity, friends influence, pressure of long distance and the hardwork and commitment for it, since she knows i'm serious about this relationship.
As for the friends infuecene, I feel like they have an impact in why she's been going out, partying, and drinking these days - live it up i guess. It's been about 4 straight days of "chill drink" or going out and partying. I'm worried for her, since drinking may affect her medication even if she tells me her dr is ok with it if it's at a moderation.
I also feel like this might not be her/rather just a phase in life since she's 21 and in college still and that she might just be following the crowd. She never likes drinking and always avoided it and even trashed it when we were together, but she is now doing all of this which is confusing.
She also changed majors and decided to quit pre-med. Her priorities seem to shift.

As of now, I just offered to be there for her if she needed me for anything. I would hate to see her get hurt in any way.

Please lmk whats going on if y'all have dealt with something like this personally. I still really care for her and love her. Is this normal for young college individuals around the 21 year old who are diagnosed with bipolar/depression?

Post Edited (MikeLeno) : 8/29/2017 6:11:26 PM (GMT-6)


BnotAfraid
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 7033
   Posted 8/30/2017 1:53 PM (GMT -6)   
You can not change someone that does not want to help themselves.

It is not your responsibility to fix or save her.

It is a sad and troubling situation, however, you must think of yourself and move on. Wasting a lot of time on someone who does not care is useless.

Peace and Strength
Trina
Moderator - Depression

"...when the gift of sight is cause enough for jubilation."
Billy Collins from the poem. HIGH

DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain;Hemicrania Continua; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

kellyinCali
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 217
   Posted 8/30/2017 11:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Mike Leno -- Cyber Hug.
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