Girlfriend who says she has mild depression broke up with me trying to understand whats going on

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randomdude1232
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2017
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/1/2017 1:24 PM (GMT -6)   
First of all We're both in our early 30s although I'm inbetween jobs so I've been unemployed. We have been talking for about 1.5 months but together for about a month and as of about a week ago I asked her out officially and we were exclusive before that. Up until a few days ago....she was great everything I've ever wanted in a girl. We get along on so many levels and think the same way about many things, we disagree about some small things but who doesn't?

I accept her for her and all her flaws and I thought everything was going well. She started a new stressful job as of a week ago as well, says she feels like she's drowning at work. She also said that she has had mild depression for a long time and when she was younger, attempted to take her own life at some point. She said that she stopped taking her depression medication not too long ago due to the side effects and does this once in a while so I didn't think anything of it.

But she broke up with me yesterday stating that it was a variety of things: she just moved recently, feeling like drowning at work, depression, needing therapy for her ex who was apparently very abusive, and that she felt like she needed to figure or fix things out on her own. I could tell something changed the day after I asked her out officially, she got more quiet, more snappy with me, she said she was feeling depressed and needed to stay in for a few days and cry and wanted to be alone. we had planned to hangout a few days later this would never happen.

She was planning to hangout with me the day I got back from moving and was alright with it up until the afternoon before we were going to hangout she kept saying yeah i'll see you then. until she all of a sudden broke it off with me. In closing she said that she still liked me, and when things got better and if I was still single she asked to give it another try. I asked her if she planned on staying single for the time being she said yes because having someone else would not help her problems. I asked how much of what's going on right now has to do with not taking medications, she said it probably has at least a little to do with it. After that I asked how long do you think therapy will be? And she said I don't know once I get my medications stabilized I should be feeling better but I still have this new job and I feel like I'm drowning at. And I just said just message me when you feel like you're ready to start talking again or have things in order in your life.

I do not have depression myself, but I am hurt and trying to understand. So from someone who has dealt with depression, does this happen? Will she ever come back? Or am I getting played and this is just a way for her to break up with me in a nicer way? Please help, I'm sad. edit: I also wanted to add, I'm trying to understand why she felt the need to break up with me? I mean I feel like she could've just told me she's been very depressed and stressed so we should just hangout in a month or something. But to break things off? I mean this has a finality to it I don't understand. I mean I hear people who depression want to be alone, but was it necessary to break things off? Or is it I guess that she's just not that into me?

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 9/1/2017 1:48:44 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41599
   Posted 9/1/2017 1:57 PM (GMT -6)   
I gave your post paragraphs for easier reading. Please use paragraphs with longer posts.

It is hard to say how long it will take her to get better. Know it isn't about you, it is her working on feeling better. It sounds like she is overwhelmed. Especially with her job. There are no time limits for getting better. For some it is life long.

Take it one day at a time. Work on feeling less needy for her. I know it is hard, especially if you were happy in the relationship. But want for her to get well. If you talk to her at all, encourage her to get therapy and see a doctor for medications. Until she goes back on meds, she probably isn't going to feel that well. And therapy for guidance.

I hope that things work out for you and her. But I wouldn't expect anything too soon. It all takes time. It isn't an over night fix.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

randomdude1232
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2017
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/1/2017 2:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks, she said she started taking her meds again about a week ago. So before it ended she asked if it was alright if she texts me once in a while? I said i didn't want to feel led on. but would it be alright to text in a few months and just say hey I haven't forgotten about you, how've you been?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41599
   Posted 9/1/2017 3:23 PM (GMT -6)   
I guess it would, if she wants the same. Just know it takes six to eight weeks for medications to be at a therapeutic level. though she could start feeling better sooner. So make sure to remember that. By that time she should be getting back to her own self. If all goes well. I am not saying she will want to get back with you, but it sounds like she wants to keep contact. Try to be supportive, if she is open to it.

It really stinks when this happens, but it does. People go off of their meds or don't get the proper treatment. I just hope things work out.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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