chronic illness and depression

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tune
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2017
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 9/12/2017 3:15 PM (GMT -6)   
trigger warning for suicide mentions

hey all,

been dealing with an unknown illness for the last few months. i have anxiety and depression but it has been at an all time high because of this illness. the pains i get are hard to describe but everyday i feel weak and tired and like i am truly about to die. lately, i have been thinking i am never going to live normally again. i am constantly going to be in pain and trying to accept it because i just don't know what else to do. i am seeing doctors to try and figure stuff out but it all seems hopeless. sometimes i wish i had to strength to truly end my life but i know that i couldn't do that to my family or friends. i just feel alone with this and uncertain. i try my best everyday to feel decent, put out decent work. at night i wonder if i will even wake up or if i want to do that. one of my life goals was to graduate college and to have a child and now i don't think i will be able to do any of that just because of my illness that no one seems to know.

i have some ideas of what it might be, i have been doing as much as i can between a demanding job and trying to survive. i truly hate life right now. woe it me, right?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41599
   Posted 9/12/2017 3:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Chronic illness and depression seem to go hand in hand. I think most people that are chronically ill have some degree of depression. It is hard with a chronic illness, knowing that it feels like it is going to go on forever. I have fibromyalgia, and no matter what I do it is always there reminding me. The pain, the stiffness, the forgetfulness, the fatigue. Always there. But I remember the real hard part was not knowing what it was. I hope you get a diagnosis soon. You do have pain and you have fatigue. Sounds like me.

I found out with mine, moving is a must. I can't sit still or I will be stiff and sore. So I try to walk as much as possible. It does help. Keep mobile.

We can't discuss suicide, or threaten here. So I really can't comment on that other than mine got better and hopefully yours will too. It isn't gone, but manageable...

Try real hard to focus only on the day at hand. Try not to think a lot about the future. Or to dwell on the past. Try not to think about the things that you can't do anymore. Focus on what you can.

Know that you go through a grieving process with chronic illness. Let that flow.

Hang in there the best that you can.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

tune
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2017
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 9/12/2017 4:19 PM (GMT -6)   
getting by,

Thanks so much for your words. It feels nice not to be alone. I am sorry about my suicide mention, I can remove it if it is against the rules.

I am not sure what's going on, though, I live for the days that I am feeling well. It's just hard because I will see all my friends happy and doing great and they just don't understand when I don't want to go out why I don't. I just don't feel well. I have to push myself to just see my boyfriend who also doesn't really understand. (I am 24, if that says anything.) I have many neurological symptoms, headaches, weight loss, joint and muscle pains/twitches, just to name a very few. It all has been escalating for the last four months. I have had many tests done but they all say the same: fine.

It does help me to move and try to do as much as possible. I just moved into a new apartment and have my work cut out for me haha. I am grateful to have a good family backing me up and helping me. They don't rightly understand my health issues but they don't question it either.

I try not to focus on the future and live in the moment, but it is hard when everyone constantly asks you what your plans are FOR the future because of my age and I am screaming in my head I AM JUST TRYING TO SURVIVE RIGHT NOW. I can't think of that! As for the past, I try not to think of happier times haha but I feel like I took my health for granted now.

However you are so right and I do try to take it day by day.

I see an ENT this Thursday so after that, if nothing is found, I am planning on seeing my doctor next week for my joint pains/muscle pains and I have also had high blood pressure. Hoping for the best, and trying to keep positive.

- Faye
"tune, like, the music!"

generalized anxiety/depression, ocd compulsive thoughts, asthma/allergies, weird headaches

suffering other aliments, trying to find the right solutions!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41599
   Posted 9/12/2017 6:59 PM (GMT -6)   
That all sounds so familiar. joint/muscle pains, and high blood pressure. I believe pain can raise your blood pressure. I take two meds for my blood pressure now. It seems to be back under control.

I hope you get some help for your pain and fatigue. I started taking Adderall for the fatigue, but had to start taking a generic and it doesn't help as much as the brand did. But it does help some. I use to take pain pills but haven't in quite some time. The pain medications did seem to help, but I had taken them for so long, I wanted to try without. It isn't easy, but it can be done.

Muscle relaxers helped too but they are kind of frowned upon. At least the one I took was.

There are many avenues to take, so you do have options. But all in all, it is difficult when you don't know what you are fighting.

I find certain foods seem to help. I feel better when I eat fruits and vegetables. I eat a lot of fruit. Some people think diet helps, some don't. I guess eating a lot of protein can help too. I go back and forth with protein, meats.

It can get extremely hard to live in the moment, especially if you are grieving the past. Feeling better and having a lot of energy. Do not give up on the future, it is still there, maybe with different plans down the road. Just don't give up.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

kellyinCali
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 210
   Posted 9/13/2017 9:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Tune, I am so sorry that you are experiencing pain and depression at your young age. I can relate to much of what you wrote. It really does come down to taking one hour, moment or even second at a time when it feel unbearable. Also, it's important to catch how you talk to yourself and refer to your problems. I have changed "this depression is UNBEARABLE" to "this depression is barely bearable." You don't know if you will get better but you have to fight hard because it's possible and you deserve to feel well.

Cyber *HUG*

tune
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2017
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 9/13/2017 9:43 AM (GMT -6)   
getting by,

I apologize, when I say BP I mean the Diastolic BP is high. Usually ranges mid 80s to 90s. The other number is always normal. I am in pain a good 12 hours maybe out of the day and the pain always fluctuates between my head (headaches, sinus pains, jaw pains etc) to joint/muscle, then to chest (feeling like I can't breathe sometimes... not sure if this is asthma related but I only developed it last year so... that's when my health started to decline). On the bright side, I can walk. I can talk relatively well, my speech is change now because of jaw/tongue/mouth pains/tension. My eyesight is okay besides lights staining them easy, floaters, and general pressure on them haha. In general, I am tired but I am not sure if that means I am just depressed. I seem to manage though pretty well. It is just the muscle twitches/jerks and sensitivity to lights/sounds that really bother me. Half the time, I truly feel like I am going insane. I don't know how I am even managing to drive to work everyday and so on so forth.

Sorry for the spill there, there is literally just so much going on with my mind and body.

I am planning on trying to call and find a therapist today. I tried to get into someone good around where I live but they are not accepting new people. I think I really need to see someone though at this point.

I have been making diet changes but, since I've lost so much weight, I am afraid to lose much more. I was at 150 (which isn't the best) now I'm down to 128-130 on an empty stomach in a matter of a two months. Not trying! I am currently not on any medicines either, just take tyelnol or motrin when I am really bad. I try not to take too much though for fear of my liver and stomach in general. I see my neuro in October. I was tested for MS and all the other things, nothing came from it.

You are right, I am not giving up on the future right. Taking it day by day. I have hope that things will turn around. I guess that's how I've always been.

Kelly,

Hi, thank you for your kind words. It is extremely difficult, especially because I was a pretty active go getter before this happened. I was planning on going to college and working two jobs ( I worked 7 days a week!) and all was fine. I couldn't manage college right now, my brain fog gets so bad I can't read sometimes. All my energy goes to work and whatever is left to try to be social. I get to moments where I truly feel like I am dying or I am not going to make it but then I am okay the next day for the most part. During those moments, I get into dark thinking. I wrote above about seeing a therapist, I am really going to call around today to see what I can do. I think a big issue is I cannot express myself right, when I try to talk to friend or family I don't want to seem like a victim but I am truly suffering. We all can at times and it sucks!!!! I will make sure to try and change my thought process to something a little more positive.

Thank you both so much for your advice, I hope you both have a good day and good ones to follow.

hugs,

- Faye
"tune, like, the music!"

generalized anxiety/depression, ocd compulsive thoughts, asthma/allergies, weird headaches

suffering other aliments, trying to find the right solutions!

Cagedrabbit
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2017
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 9/13/2017 5:20 PM (GMT -6)   
I have had the same feelings you have. I have had fibromyalgia since I was in my early 30's. I searched for answers forever and
Test always came back with nothing wrong. I just kept on going
Because I had 2 children and I always provided the insurance for
The family. I didn't have any idea what was wrong with me but I just knew I was going to die from it! I didn't. I found a Dr that told
Me it was Fibromyalgia, but they didn't know much about it then.
I am now 60 and I was diagnosed with RA when I was 54. You need
Your doctor to check you four RA and also an autonomic dysfunction. After I had RA For 4 yrs I had to go on disabilty because of Dysautonomia. No one checks for this. You need to have a tilt table test to verify that you have it, but the doctor can take your blood pressure laying down and then standing up and see if it drops. Look it up. I practically had to tell the doctor what. Was wrong with me. They have things and medicines you can take before it gets so bad that you are disabled. There will be brighter
Days and don't you ever doubt it. I went on the have a 30 yr career
And a great marriage with 2 wonderful children that turned into incredible adults. I now have 5 grandchildren that I adore. Life will be good again.
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