My kids..my bad decision?? Help with advice

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ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 1/15/2006 7:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there I haven't posted anything for a couple of weeks,been job hunting and playing roller coaster tycoon. (I think I'm addicted)
I haven't gotten into this yet but need to know as the ache is getting worse persay
I have 2 kids ages 15 and 18. If you read my first post you know that a year ago I lost my job and was being evicted from my apartment and had nowhere to go.
My son was dignoised with bipolar a couple of years back. He was very violent,and my daughter and I took the brunt of his episodes to the point to where I could not protect her all of the time (he's about 250 and is 6"5,I'm 115 and 5'6,and she's about my size) My ex husband would not do anything to help us,I would call him when my son was freaking out,and the answers I would always receive was either "It's your problem if you can't handle your son, or "hey you are the one that wanted this divorce". Last answer doesn't matter that for 13 years he beat the living crap out of me but hey that's in the past right (per him). Anyway. My daughter had enough one day and said she could not handle it and moved in with her dad full time. My son just kept getting worse to the point to where I was scared to be alone with him. So,I made the hardest decision I could ever make. I moved in with my b/f 1 1/2 hrs away from them. At first it was so hard,my son cried and begged for me to move back. I would get them on weekends and we would fight and it was awful. My b/f's parents have a house on a lake here,and I would get my kids and we would spend the weekend boating and going out to eat. Something clicked for my son during one of these weekends as he was on new med that was actually working,he told me that he was so glad I found my b/f and that we were all better off. My daughter has said that from the beginning. Now. I don't have a job,so when I want to see my kids my b/f is paying for the gas to get them and the food and entertainment for when they are here. He doesn't act like he minds but it is killing me to have to have him support me. I miss my kids to the point to where when I think about them my heart aches so much. I love my b/f and don't want to loose him. I don't know what to do. I have never felt better physically as I'm now eating and taking better care of myself. (except for this darn pouch I still have on my stomach!!) But,I don't know if I've been doing the right thing. My heart is confused,my mind tells me I was in a very bad situation and after getting knocked around for 13 years,I didn't deserve to have it happen to me again from my son. My son did need someone that could quite frankly beat his butt when he got out of control,and although I depise my ex I feel that my son needed to be with him full time like this or he might have gone down a road that he would not be able to get off of.
I am going to start paying a good amount of child support as soon as I get a job,so at least I'm doing something I just never in a million years thought I would be a mom that is paying child support. I dedicated my life to my kids starting at 18 years of age when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. Please be honest with me tell me if you think I am doing the wrong thing here, I need to know as I said before I am so scared and confused. I talk to my kids everyday via the phone,and they don't ask to come see me as much as I know they understand about money..but it's killing me.
Don't worry about the world ending,it's already tomorrow in Australia!


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 1/16/2006 7:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi ShynSassy, I dont have children, but I can tell you if you havent read any of my other posts that I have worked in the mental health field for many, many years and am very familiar with BP disorder.  It is obvious by your post that your son needs to have some serious treatment.  It was kind of unclear as to who he was living with?  And he is 15 correct?  During his manic stages he gets violent, I wonder if maybe he doesent have an explosive personality disorder under a dual diagnosis.  He does see a psychiatrist?  If not he needs to and also counseling.  At the age of 15 if he is acting out in this way he is not understanding how to control the feeling that are inside of him, so he is lashing out in the only way that he knows how too and that is in violence.  I am so sorry that you had to go through this.  If your children where of a younger age maybe I would think that you should feel a little guilty about being away from them, but their not.  Abuse is a terriable cycle to break and you should be commended for getting out of it.  I came from an abusive home as a child, and my little brother sounds a lot like your son but he has never been diagnosed with a mental illness.  Take care ~elisha

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 1/16/2006 8:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Elisha
Thank you for your reply. My son has had problems since he was about 4. He is living with his dad at this time. And is seeing a psychiatrist who has helped alot. I also think my son got worse after I divorced his dad. He was very angry with me for a long time and sometimes I think that is why he took his eposides out on me.
I have to admit that it does make me a little resentful when his dad tells me that they have not had an episode. I know I shouldn't feel that way and should just be happy that it's not happening. The new meds he is on is helping alot. I'm hoping to be able to get them for a couple of weeks straight this summer instead of 1 or 2 weekends a month. I'm just worried about the episodes.
Thanks again for your reply
shynsassy@healingwell.net

Don't worry about the world ending,it's already tomorrow in Australia!

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