Do it for the ones you love.

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Jules22871
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 142
   Posted 1/16/2006 10:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi. Just wanted to share what I have done to my family because of my depression.
 
When we had our wreck we had everything going for us.  I just got promoted at work. We had just gotten all of the custom work on our Harley finished. We had just gotten married!  Then BAM, some unthinking man going 70 mph in a 30 mph speed zone while talking on is cellphone hit us in the side while we were on our Harley.  The next thing I know it is a week later and my life has changed forever.  I had my family, yes my husband survived, and I had my friends, but I would never be the same.  When I got home 3 weeks later, in a hospital bed, all I could focus on was how bad the rest of my life was going to be.  I treated evryone around me like dirt.  No one could do anything to please me.  They couldn't adjust my pillows right, they couldn't change my bandages right, they could WALK. I was showing no signs of improvement, I still couldn't move my leg by myself.  Everything and everyone irritated me.
 
After 2 months of this my husband finally called my doctor and got me started on medication for depression.  At first I refused to take it.  I didn't need that, I was fine.  Finally I agreed to take it, just show him he was wrong.  It took about 2 weeks for it to start working.  I started to realize how I was treating the ones closest to me the worst.  I began to take control back.  I began to get better.  My family had a chance to heal.
 
Now, almost 17 months later, I sit here and think of your posts and I cry because of the way I treated my husband and I never realized what I was doing to him.  He was hurt in the wreck too.  He broke his back in 5 places, tore his rotator cuff, and broke 3 ribs, but he didn't get a chance to heal.  As soon as I got home my care was left to him.  I was in a hospital bed, with huge external fixators running up and down my entire leg, my hip was broke. I was literally helpless except for my mouth, which I never failed to use.  He had to care for me.  He is also taking Hepititis C treatments which are physically and emotionaly draining on him and still took care of me, and believe me, that entailed a lot of things that a husband shouldn't have to do, lol.
 
I guess what I'm trying to say is when we are in the grasp fo depression we don't realize what we are doing to our loved ones.  We don't mean to, but we have no control over what we are doing to ourselves, let alone what we are doing to you, the people closest to us.  I can't tell my husband enough how sorry I am. Nor can I tell my mother in law.  She was there every step of the way. In fact the few things I remember about the ICU all involved her holding my hand and brushing my hair of my forehead. My mother was killed in a house fire just a few months before our wreck. Peggy stepped in and became my mom and I said some of the ugliest things to her.  I had no control.  I just new I felt bad and so should everyone else.
 
My wish is that anyone who comes to this forum learn something from what I have done.  Love your family enough to get help for yourself.  You aren't doing it just for you, you are doing it for everyone around you.  I love  my family and I would go to the end's of the earth and fight the devil himself for each and every one of them.  It turned out I was the devil.
 
If you won't seek help for yourself, PLEASE, do it for those around you.
 
Sorry this was so long.  I actually feel better since I have faced what I was doing to myself and them.  You are wonderful for reading this.  My prayers are with you all.
Motorcycle wreck 8-27-2004, 119 fx from right hip down to ankle, 9 surgeries so far.  I am Thankful to God that I am alve and still have my leg.
 
Ones who say it cannot be done should stop interupting those that are doing it.


obs ann
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 679
   Posted 1/16/2006 11:56 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi stillrecovering,

I truly believe that your story could help some people, if they can apply it into their own personal experience(s).

Having worked in an ICU and Hospital, after any trauma, no one in the Hospital expects a trauma patient to "act like themselves" or "have control".

The mechanics of a trauma, to the degree that you and your husband underwent, affects the entire central nervous system, plus some.

And in your case the depression was  "situational" also.

I believe most depressions are either from childhood/life experiences that we haven't worked through, organic disease, situational or choices we make. Like unresolved guilt, etc. etc..

All depression is not the same.  People with Traumatic Brain Injury have the organic type, just as one example. (Not that far removed from what you went through, 'in a sense.')

You shouldn't blame yourself for 'all' of your behavior at that time.  We don't know completely about those folks who wind up in the Trauma Unit or ICUs, but one thing any Hospital worker knows, that the folks in there are seldom "themselves" and with trauma ... it's unpredictable 'when' they'll be themselves again, and that's an "organic" reaction to the trauma to the body, besides situational.

On a Forum like this, there are all types of "causes" for these folk's depression.

But I liked your contribution, because for those who haven't been through their mother's death and then shortly after, got hit at 70 miles per hour on a motorcycle and have a husband with Hepititis C, etc. ... they can take an example from this, regardless of the cause of their depression.

You have my prayers also, as you're still recovering.
Keep up the great work and will add you & your husband to our prayer chain.
 
Thank you !
Ann
 


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 1/17/2006 6:15 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi stillrecovering,  I couldn't of said it any better than Ann has...... 

It sounds as if you have a caring, supportive husband and extended family you are truly blessed!  Take care. ~elisha


Cyborg Ninja
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 660
   Posted 1/17/2006 6:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey stillrecovering. Your family sounds very kind and I'm glad that they were there to help you even through the worst of things.

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 1/18/2006 8:29 AM (GMT -7)   
This subject hit me hard last week as I was thinking about my kids and what I put them through before they finally got sick of it and moved in with their dad. I would go into total melt down and lock myself in the bathroom for hours crying myself to sleep on the bathroom floor. Or we would have plans to go to dinner and I would go into melt down and then 15 minutes later we would all be fighting and the kids would just make something at home. A million other meltdowns that they had to put up with. It's a wonder they both even still talk to me.
shynsassy@healingwell.net


Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks


Jules22871
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 142
   Posted 1/18/2006 7:50 PM (GMT -7)   
shy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make anyone feel bad. I was just trying to get people to realize that we aren't the only ones that hurt and we aren't the only that can benefit from treatment.

If this needs to be deleted to keep from hurting anyone else, please delete it. I won't mind.
Motorcycle wreck 8-27-2004, 119 fx from right hip down to ankle, 9 surgeries so far.  I am Thankful to God that I am alive and still have my leg.
 
Ones who say it cannot be done should stop interupting those that are doing it.


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 1/19/2006 6:46 AM (GMT -7)   
no no,don't even think that. I was just telling you that I can totally relate to how your feeling as far as your family. I've been dealing with the guilt of all that for awhile now.
shynsassy@healingwell.net


Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks


Jules22871
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 142
   Posted 1/20/2006 8:00 PM (GMT -7)   
SHy, thanks, I was afraid I had hurt someone else. Yes the guilt is a tough thing to deal with. I hope everything is going better for you!
Motorcycle wreck 8-27-2004, 119 fx from right hip down to ankle, 9 surgeries so far.  I am Thankful to God that I am alive and still have my leg.
 
Ones who say it cannot be done should stop interupting those that are doing it.


obs ann
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 679
   Posted 1/22/2006 12:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi stillrecovering, I found this link while I was looking over this site from the American Association of Family Physicians..

         http://familydoctor.org/449.xml


Hope you're doing better everyday. Been thinking about you.

Happy days to ya.
Ann


Late Neuro-Lyme & CFIDS. 


Jules22871
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 142
   Posted 1/22/2006 1:52 PM (GMT -7)   
obs ann, Thanks for that site.  That is exactly what is happening to me.  I can't drive yet because of the injuries and of course pain meds, but when I am a passenger I am so jumpy.  The kids laugh at me cuz everything around me makes me flinch.  My oldest wonders what I am going to do once I do start driving.  I have to admit I wonder myself.  The psych doc said I had PTSD after my mom was killed in a fire so I'm sure that an accident just 6 months later added to it.  Thanks for the info!

Motorcycle wreck 8-27-2004, 119 fx from right hip down to ankle, 9 surgeries so far.  I am Thankful to God that I am alive and still have my leg.
 
Ones who say it cannot be done should stop interupting those that are doing it.


obs ann
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 679
   Posted 1/22/2006 2:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi friend,
Yes, I posted further up that anyone going through all of that 'would' have a 'reaction'.

I came through PTSD, so there is hope. But you need to have patience.

I still think you're doing remarkably well for having gone through all of those things at once (and the on-going surgeries). That's what shows that you will be a 'survivor' ... your first post showed that.

Prayers for both you and your husband's health.
God Bless ya's real good !!!
Late Neuro-Lyme & CFIDS. 


Jules22871
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 142
   Posted 1/22/2006 9:10 PM (GMT -7)   
obs ann,
Thanks for the encouragement! I know now that I will make it. In the begining I had no idea how I could or would though and I took it out on everyone that came near me. I really did not start to get better until I went on Zoloft and Elavil. I still have a really bad day now and then but mostly they are good days emotionally even if they aren't physically. I am lucky to have a wonderful suporting family that didn't give up on me. In fact I am going to lunch with my mother in law tomorrow and I can't wait!

Everyone have a great nite and please know that you are always in my thoughts and prayers.
Motorcycle wreck 8-27-2004, 119 fx from right hip down to ankle, 9 surgeries so far.  I am Thankful to God that I am alive and still have my leg.
 
Ones who say it cannot be done should stop interupting those that are doing it.


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 1/23/2006 9:03 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Stillrecovering,  I know exactly what you mean.  This past October I was in the hospital in St. Louis getting ready to have my second surgery done on my pacemaker as I had pulled out the leads due to passing out (low blood pressure).  The hospital had not been giving me my meds for 3 days so I didnt have my Zoloft and was very cranky.  I was a total crab to my mom, who was and has always been there for me no matter what, I yelled at a physical therapist (this I dont regret so much tongue ).  I think I am better living on the antidepressants than not. 

~elisha 


Jules22871
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 142
   Posted 1/25/2006 5:33 AM (GMT -7)   
You ever notice that alot of physical therapist really have no compassion. There I was, 9 after wmy wreck. I had surgery the day before on my leg and they were talking about putting a plate in my hip. SHe comes in and tells me the pain is in my head and I have ot get up and walk. I sai some very unchristian things to her. Talked to the doc later and she wasn't even supposed to be in there!
When I am going to the hospital I take all my meds with me, just in case they forget one. I don't take the pain meds though, It's to tempting when you are in a lot of pain.
Motorcycle wreck 8-27-2004, 119 fx from right hip down to ankle, 9 surgeries so far.  I am Thankful to God that I am alive and still have my leg.
 
Ones who say it cannot be done should stop interupting those that are doing it.

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