Little girl who died in NY

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Citykittie
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 39
   Posted 1/22/2006 10:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Has anyone read about this?  I don't want to go into details.  But she was the little girl who had missed 47 days of school and really should have been taken by social services.
 
I am 33 and as a child was abused.  Not to the extent she was by any means.  More verbal and mentally than physically.  But what does it matter?  Abuse is Abuse.  It has altered my life and caused me to make choices for reasons i didn't even know why till 10 years later.  You don't just "get over it".  It is too ingrained.
 
Anyway.  I have 2 jobs right now.  Neither have meaning to them. 
 
Has anyone worked for or volunteered for or had any dealings with social services.  Or Child Protective services?  Or a shelter for abused women (which would probally be on a volunteer basis) ?
 
You always hear the worst stories about the screwups for child protective services.  But, I cannot believe that the people who work there are just these "uncaring buffoons". 
 
I read that the case workers for this girl in NY were waiting for a court order to have her removed from the home.  It sounds like they were "doing their job".  And, I am sure the parents did a good job at hiding the girls wounds or scars. I don't know!  But, I was ALWAYS threatened with what would happen if I told anyone what went on inside our house. 
 
I heard or read that these case workers were basically "terrible monsters" because they should have taken the girl right then - not wait for a court order.  And, I wonder, "Did they want too?"  Were they just dying to take that little girl and scoop her up!  But they knew if they didn't do it legally she'd be back in that home in a few days.
 
I just wonder.  I want to take care of the kids who are stuck in these hell houses, like I was.  But, what kind of system is Child Protective Services?  It seems that with the way our country is - you can't just go in and kidnap someones kids because you think they are being abused.  Even if you want too!!!  Even if it's obvious.  Our system is set up to protect our rights and the long drawn out process of doing that can cause horror in the end.   Were those social workers trying to do their job and are now you being repremanded for it.   I just really think if they just took the child - the parents might be able to get her back alot easier.  And then they'd be repremanded for not following proper procedure.
 
I just get so upset reading that the step-dad considered her the "trouble maker".  And his reasons were for the same reasons my parents punished me.  I was loud, outgoing, always singing and dancing ... just a kid with alot of energy.  And therefore always blamed for things over my siblings.
 
I want to do something that matters in this world.  I just wonder about Social services.  Maybe I should just volunteer at a shelter. 
 
I am just sad.  I am 33 and I am at the point I realize I am not going to save the world. 

Post Edited (Citykittie) : 1/22/2006 10:36:48 PM (GMT-7)


obs ann
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 679
   Posted 1/22/2006 11:54 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi CityKittie,

I don't think you'd want to work for SS.

But the volunteer work is the best thing in the world, in my book. 

I've always loved the elderly myself, so I always went that route and others have a burden for children and go that way.

It is SOOO rewarding and when your mind is on them, it's hard to get back on you ... if you know what I mean.  I too was raised in a very rough environment, but volunteer work started the healing for me, and not rehashing.  Did years with both and the volunteer work worked best.  :-)

Most Cities have many Volunteer Help Org.s, so I'm sure you'll find the one best suited to you.

Happy you can see that as a possible.

All the BEST to ya.

Ann

 


Late Neuro-Lyme & CFIDS. 


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 1/23/2006 7:43 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Citykitty,  I too heard of this poor little girl named Nixmary in N.Y. who was horribly abused by her stepfather and ultimately lead to her murder.  However, she was not the only child in the home that was abused reportedly, there were several younger children in the home that were also abused.  Later, in jail the stepfather has said that he was "punishing" her for taking a container of yogurt.  I have not worked for social social services, but have spent most of my career in the mental health field working closely with social workers.  There are a lot of dedicated people out there working in this field and some that are not so dedicated.  It is a low paying job, for which you have to have at least a 4 yr bachelors degree.  They have high case loads and it is next to impossible for social workers to meet expectations of the state.  Having said this, it is documented that there were home visits done to the apartment of where Nixmary lived. I find it very hard to believe that they didn't find any evidence of abuse of neglect, apparent they had a "dirty room" and a cat box that the children were made to use to go to the bathroom in.  Also, a few weeks prior to her death when she returned to school she had a cut above her eye and a black eye in which the teacher called the school counselor and social services in on and a report was made out for but nothing was done.  Why??? When her parents were questioned they said she fell down the stairs. Classic... In this case, social services is just as much to blame as the parents and I think they also should be prosecuted.

To what you were saying in your post, I was abused as a child sexually and physically by my stepfather from the ages 3-11.  It has helped working with people to heal my scars but mostly I have had to retrain the way that I think.  It is very easy to be scared of men or to see a man in the store with a little girl and wonder if he is doing something bad to her.  Working in the mental health field, you often will come across people (men) that have molested a child and you have to put that aside.  It is hard.  

Volunteering is a great idea,  if I can suggest something else to you and anyone else who is interested in protecting children, I got into doing this as I felt that I was not doing enuf to help.  I found this great website that you can track up coming bills that are introduced and you can write to your congressmen to support or not support whatever you think is important.  I mostly watch the child abuse ones.  It is a great site.  Check it out.

http://www.govtrack.us/

~elisha


Post Edited (els) : 1/23/2006 7:46:43 AM (GMT-7)


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 1/23/2006 7:59 AM (GMT -7)   

As a side thought - no one knew what was going on in our house but my little brother who is 4 yr younger than me.  One day at school (I was in the 5th grade at the time) he told his school counselor what was going on.  The school called Social Services and the police who came out and questioned us both and took us into protective custody and foster care.  They arrested my stepfather, who we never saw again, and determined that my mother really didn't know anything about the sexual or physical abuse.  She worked all the time.  My stepfather at the time was a big time firefighter in Kansas City so it made matters worse. He hired a really good lawyer and got off with 6 months in a mental hospital in St. Joseph MO. We got to go back to my mom and monthly visits from social services for 5 years. - He remarried and molested again and now is registered as a sex offender in Missouri.  Too bad that he had to do  it again to another child for some judge to pay attention and see that this man is a danger to little girls.  Anyway my point is that social services did work this time and they do work many, many more times that don't get reported.......

~elisha


Citykittie
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 39
   Posted 1/23/2006 10:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for your help and sharing.  I think that part of me is still looking for a way to "be important" to "be good".  I keep searching for something to proove to myself I am good.  Not that the volunteering isn't a good thing.  But since this post is based on abuse.  I think abuse for me made me feel worthless. 
 
You know how the abuser always makes you feel that you are the cause that you are no good.  I really think deep deep inside I still am trying to proove that I am good.  Like a little girl waving her hands, "See See I am good!"
 
I am just tired of living this useless life.

Post Edited (Citykittie) : 1/23/2006 10:06:05 PM (GMT-7)


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 1/24/2006 8:37 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Citykitty,  What you described your feelings of worthlessness and not being good is classic signs of abuse.  You are continuing to abuse yourself.  You said that the "abuser always makes you feel that you are the cause that you are no good" which is true but you need to turn it around on them.  It is them that are no good.  You don't have to prove anything, you didn't do anything.  You didn't have control of the situation.

I used to also get depressed when I heard stories like the one in NY and I would feel sorry for my self and wonder why did it happen to me.  After counseling and alot of self work I have been able to turn it around.  Now when I hear stories like this one I get mad, and hurt for that little girl. 

I know I will never be abused again.  I tell myself that and I feel safe.

~elisha 

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