Punky, You have received some very good advice so far. I wanted you to know that you most definitely are not alone. You know what everyone says about hindsight? You can not change the past, so why live in it? A lot of people that have been abused physically and sexually wrestle with the forgiveness issue. I have learned that I don't have to forgive the man who hurt me for years. I forgave myself, and stopped torchering myself with it on a daily basis. What happened makes me who I am today, and I am a stronger person because of it. Do I wish I would go away or never happened? Of course I do, but I cant change the past I have to make the best out what I have now, learn to live with my self and my demons.
Counselling is an excellent idea whether it is with a counselor or a priest. My thoughts are with you......
Hey Black Jack,
Thanks for the post. I have never wished to harm any of the people who haunt me. Not physically at least. When I first found out that my husband wanted to divorce me, I did think about suicide. But, only as a revenge toward him. So he would have to deal with guilt and disgust from others for what he had driven me to do. I was going to leave a letter and disclose all the disgusting things he had done. But, since I am a Christian and now Catholic, I didn't because I knew that suicide is considered a sin and I would never get to see my kids again in Heaven.
The neighbor from Hell that flooded my house and called the humane society on me for my barking dog I have settled that one. I sold my house to a couple with two noisy kids and two huge dogs. I sure hope they bark alot.
The boss that fired me, I told him in a letter I left on his desk on my last day. I said that I would take everything he had ever taught me and bring it to my new job(in the same profession)and do all I could to make my new employer more productive and successful than he could ever imagine. And I have .
Even tho I have resolved some of my haunts, still I have the memory of pain that each one gave me. Loss, no matter how, seems to hurt in so many ways. My Mother died 3 years ago next week. She died peacefully in her own home,but was not discovered until a day later. I had called her on the day before and got no answer on the phone. I wish I had listened to my inner self and called her neighbor to go and check on her. When they found her the next day, she was on her couch leaning toward the phone. I'll always wonder if it was my call she was trying to answer. Even tho I didn't see her on her couch dead, I can see her in my mind plain as day. She had been there so long that her nails were black, so they had to paint them for the funeral. How I wish I would have just called someone, but she always had meetings to go to or shopping to do, so I was hoping that was where she was. Not dead on her couch.
We can't turn the clock back. Each second that goes by will never come again. All we can do is learn and try to do better. I have learned that I have to follow my inner self. I need to express my self in better ways. If I love someone, I tell them. ALL THE TIME.
My new hubby also like Cohen and Dylan. I can't say they are one of my favs.,but I do appreciate their talents. I liked the Cohen song in the movie Pump up the Volume with Christian Slater. I would much rather read Dylan that listen to him . But, thats just me.
Thanks and try to have a nice day without too many haunts.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference.