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ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 1/31/2006 6:53 AM (GMT -7)   
This will probably ramble I'm sure.
But down I go again,and I have a feeling if things turn out like I expect I'm going to go down alot harder this time.
I done alot of thinking these last few days and I've come to the conclusion that I'm not worthy for a number of things in my life.
my kids are 15 1/2 and 18. I live 2 hrs away and my daughter could care less whether or not she sees me the following weekend. My son has about 5 minutes to give me each night to talk.
I thought I had a great job prospect as I had 2 really good job interviews. The last one was on the 17th and I still have not heard from them. I left a message and an email yesterday but no word. It's been a year now for job hunting. It's a smaller town,blue collar town. I dunno
I think about my b/f and me not having a job.Not being able to contribute finacially. Why would he want a future with someone like me? I am not good enough for him he deserves someone that doesn't have so many problems and that has a good job,that actually can have good news for once instead of something bad happening all of the time. Someone that doesn't have nightmares that wake her up each night. Someone that doesn't have to cling to him just to be able to go to sleep.

I think I've had enough
shynsassy@healingwell.net


Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks


MIgrunt
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 64
   Posted 1/31/2006 9:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Congratulations Beth!! That's a huge step I know. It's all downhill from here girl. And,your hubby stepping in and staying by your side is another great huge step. lean on him all that you can!
 ShynSassy, just like you posted to Beth, you seem to have someone who cares about you regardless of what your going through.  If he wants you to lean on him, LEAN ON HIM!  Obviously he sees something worthwhile in you or he wouldn't be your b/f.  Your kids are at the age, one who wants complete independance and one who is just really to begin to understand himself and probably in that mode of "I don't need Mom telling me what to do" (just my motherly instincts and dealing with young troops in the military).  Does your b/f ever say or do anything to you that would give you the idea that he is unhappy?  Do you talk to him about your situation?  I now it's hard to do, still have some small problems with my husband but nothing we haven't been able to work out.  Sometimes you just find that certain someone who just takes you as you are!

irene17
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 1/31/2006 4:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Don't say that!!!!! You're worth so much, you have no idea. Everybody's worth it and you might feel a different way but i KNOW you're wrong... So your children are giving you a hard time, is that your fault? No, it's not. They're old enough to make their own mistakes and decisions, you haven't done anything wrong, and if you have more bad news than good ones then that's just a part of your life as it happens to many... Continue trying to get a job but don't stress about it, if your b/f is with you that's because he's with YOU, he cares about YOU, even if you have problems and bad news and bad things happening to you and no job for the moment. Count on people in this forum when you need somebody to talk to, because here you can tell us all the bad news in the world and everybody understands and nobody will judge. I've felt the way you have, about the probelms and the thoughts like "I'm not worth it, I'm a horrible person, who would want me in this world, would anybody care if i died" but I've always tried to seek help or at least cope with it by myself and get it through the day somehow... Just DON'T give up because you ARE worth it!

CheerDad
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 1/31/2006 8:41 PM (GMT -7)   
I am thankful for God's tender mercies. I know that I am not worth/deserving of the many blessings I have in my life but am thankful that He sees me as his child and loves unconditionally.
We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.
 
Randy
 
Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/
 
Dx'd with Crohn's at age 12.
Symptoms since age 5.
 
Learning to live with this Disease rather than be its victim after 34 years.


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 2/1/2006 9:41 AM (GMT -7)   
I am here. Sorry I didn't get on the comp for the rest of the day.
Your right I need to lean on him..but I lean on him so much. He's a trooper that is for sure.
I didn't get the job here is what the response was:

Stacey, at this time Management has decided to promote within.
I enjoyed visiting with you, you are very bright and have a great
personality.
Your references were steller. If in the future we are looking again I would
appreciate being able to contact you.
Best,
Joanie

The above is basically what I've been getting since I moved here. Great references,great personality blah blah.
That doesn't bring the bacon home though.
And I miss my kids so much it makes me want to cry everytime I think about them. I don't tell my b/f how I feel,but yesterday I bawled for about 5 hrs straight (my eyes were swollen this morning) and he decided that we would go to them and stay at a hotel for the weekend if they didn't want to come here. I know they are both busy with their own lives but I need to see them. I need to know that I still matter and I tell them everyday that I love them but hugging them and telling them will make a huge difference.
I need to make some changes. BIG TIME
I sit in the house day and night. I look forward to going to the store. I clean to the point to where it's became a compulsive disorder. I have always been that way about keeping my house clean. I think it's because I've never been able to control anything else in my life so I know I can at least control how my house looks.
Today,I'm going to clean.
He's so busy with his job (he owns his own computer business) that sometimes he doesn't get home until 9pm,and then will still have comps to work on so he might be in his office until 2am. Which means I am alone all of the time.
I'm whining....and wallowing in self pity I know.
Beth do you still have my personal email addy?
shynsassy@healingwell.net


Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks


CheerDad
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 2/1/2006 11:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Sassy, this is a safe place to let it out whenever you need to. Please don't feel like you are whinning or burdening anyone. We are part of your Healingwell family and offer love and support to all our family members. I know there are days when I feel like I am leaning too hard on friends and family but they are always there to help me through the crisis until I am ready to face it more on my own. I hope you are finding some relief and again, please know we are here for you whenever needed.
We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.
 
Randy
 
Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/
 
Dx'd with Crohn's at age 12.
Symptoms since age 5.
 
Learning to live with this Disease rather than be its victim after 34 years.


*MovinOn*
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 2/1/2006 12:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Please do not make the same mistake I almost made by losing your children over a man. I regret the years I lost with my children because the man I was seeing strung me along in hopes of being a real family some day. I should have caught on much sooner (took me 7 years) and ended it. I didn't want to see the real picture. Now I'm trying to make up for the time I neglected my children but I don't think there are some things I can ever make up or get back. That's really what brought me to this board. That relationship. It was devistating.

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 2/1/2006 3:01 PM (GMT -7)   
MovinOn
I am not choosing a man over my kids. They decided a year ago that they wanted to live with their father full time instead of us having joint custody. They are 15 and 18. I posted what happened a year ago on this site....not sure if you can do a search for it or not? (Its such a long story that I dont want to retype it again...plus its very painful)

Beth
I"m in Iowa!! So far away from you! My personal addy is sgoben@cfu.net

Randy
You always have so many words of wisdom,and I appreciate them that is for sure.
shynsassy@healingwell.net


Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 2/1/2006 5:58 PM (GMT -7)   
just my luck too..
But,you never know where life takes you. We might be internet friends for a few years then blam we meet in person. How exciting would that be? So awesome to even think about!
shynsassy@healingwell.net


Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks

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