Why don't I just give up?

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irene17
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 2/8/2006 9:24 PM (GMT -7)   
 

Post Edited (irene17) : 6/25/2006 2:06:51 AM (GMT-6)


obs ann
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 679
   Posted 2/8/2006 11:46 PM (GMT -7)   
I only feel that way when I focus on myself.

I don't think that's what I'm supposed to do, because whenever I do, I can go down into a downward whirlpool of the same feelings.

I realised a long time ago, that realizing the worth of other humans and trying to see their problems and see if there isn't something I could say or do for them, causes all that junk to disappear.

I could very easily slip into that quick sand again right now, if I wanted to ... but I've decided, I Don't Want To.

I want to know that when I do die, of natural causes, that I may have earned my keep here somehow and not wasted my only chance to do what I believe we were created to do .... take care of each other.

What would you prefer for me ? Well that's what I'd prefer for you.

You're not alone Irene Solaz.

HUGS to you.
ann
Late Neuro-Lyme & CFIDS. 


CheerDad
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Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 2/9/2006 9:23 AM (GMT -7)   
I believe we all feel the way you do sometimes. Are you getting any professional help for the issues you brought up? I know that it is important for me to really try and not say negative things about myself. The brain is a powerful thing, and it hears and reacts to the input I give it. Hope you find relief soon. Good luck in finding the answers you are looking for.
We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.
 
Randy
 
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Dx'd with Crohn's at age 12.
Symptoms since age 5.
 
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bluemeanies
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Date Joined Jun 2004
Total Posts : 1372
   Posted 2/10/2006 12:02 PM (GMT -7)   
I am trying to teach my brain to think of something positive (anything at all) when I start dwelling on my problems. For some reason my mind has picked when I shower to think up past unpleasantries. When I notice it I tell myself to think of three positive things. Mostly it is my son and my two cats but not always. Sometimes it's just that the sun is out and it's not raining, or the shampoo smells good. I hope this will help in the short and long term. I have been doing this for a month or so and I think I am doing it less. I wish you well.

sadsunshine
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 398
   Posted 2/10/2006 12:45 PM (GMT -7)   
We hear you . . .
I find it very hard to "spill my heart out" to anyone. I'm so worried of recieving a negative response. Low self esteem and depression go in hand in hand. All of us here have good days and bad days. Some of us have really bad days, weeks even. It's hard to look to the future when everything looks so bleak.
Remember this, the people here are caring and understanding. I don't have any new advice, I'll add my voice to the previous posts. I do offer support and understanding.

Hang in there . . .

Peace,

Sadsunshine

Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 2/13/2006 6:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Irene-

You have my support. I believe in you. Depression is no one's fault, especially not yours. When I start to think in the ways you have described I find it helpful to write down a list of the top ten things I did well that day. I force myself to find ten (they can be small - sometimes I even count brushing my teeth). Going through that process of evaluating the day helps me to refocus on the positive. When I'm feeling especially down it's the last thing I want to do, but I make a point of it. It really helps me to feel good about myself and it's also nice to have it in writing, so I can refer back to it and motivate myself to try to accomplish a little more the next day. I hope you find the support that you're looking for.

JackG058
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 3/14/2006 1:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Irene:

Are you a person of faith? I ask because this is another resource some of us have to turn to, to help in our time of need. Having faith doesn't mean we won't get depressed. Let me assure you, I am an ordained minister who is suffering depression and taking Lexapro 10mg, but my faith helps keep me from going over the edge. At times I've felt like just packing my bags and moving to some remote area where there is total isolation from everything and everyone. Yet my faith helps me to be strong enough not to do something so stupid. I mean really, wouldn't being totally isolated be just the thing for a depressed person? NOT! :-) I am fortunate in that I have a loving and caring wife. She has her own medical issues she deals with, and we work together to bring love and support to each other. I have a few close friends who will pray with me as they understand what I am undergoing. Irene, hang in there and recognize that you have great value in the eyes of the One who created you. Prayer and/or meditation has been shown to help people find a sense of calm when things get hectic. Read a book that will lift your soul and make you laugh. There are just so many things you can do to feel better. Maybe not feel perfect, but at least feel better and put a smile on your face again. I hope for the best for you.

Blessings!
~Jack

May the Lord grant you Peace!


Rianna
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 366
   Posted 3/14/2006 5:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Irene17 - I felt the same way you did for most of my life..40 out of 44 years...even after several therapy sessions over the years..I still felt bad about myself. Sad, overwhelmed, hopeless, empty. Every day was a major struggle. What I think helped me most was an excellent workbook by David Burns, M.D. called "Ten Days To Self Esteem - Defeat Depression, Develop self-esteem, Discover the secret of joy in daily living". I think that really helped my change my way of thinking..also, I am not saying that a pill solves all our problems, but I feel that finally going on medication (antidepressants and antianxiety meds) at the age of 41 really helped me as well. I think my depression and anxiety is mostly genetic and clinical (chemical imbalance), which was leading to the types of negative thinking, and thinking I was a "loser" or "awful person" any bad thought one can have about oneself...I had. It was never ending. I wanted every day to give up..not exist so to speak if we can say that on here..but I am glad that I didn't..thanks to workbooks and meds, I now feel life is worth living. Have you considered any workbooks..counseling or medication to help?

james73
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 3/15/2006 1:27 PM (GMT -7)   
I have to agree with obs ann on this but would also like to add a story that always makes me feel good ....when I was a kid we as a family spent alot of time at our cottage and used to boat over to an island once in awhile to go swimming ,well one time we went over and there was a big hole on the beach and we could hear frogs and alot of them , well we went over to the hole and low and behold there was about 30 frogs in the hole ,my dad dug around and found a log in the woods we posistioned the log in the hole and went swimming ,after awhile we saw the frogs starting to come out of the hole one by one ,Ithink we counted 27 if I remember correctly...I always kind of chuckle to myself when I think of that day but looking back on it ,it made me feel good for helping the frogs out ...What I am getting at is that helping others can include animal life to,they appreciate it too I am sure

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.


hope3
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 216
   Posted 3/15/2006 10:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Irene,Im so sorry to hear that your feeling so bad right now.I agree that meds. would help you alot and maybe some counseling.Ive had two nervous breakdowns and I was suicidal with one of them,so I understand about wanting to give up.But life is worth living and things will get better,just hang in there and dont be so hard on yourself.Its normal to feel the way you do with depression,meds.can help,but the rest we have to do on our own.Faith and prayer is a very good healing place.When we feel at our worst God will always be there when no one else is,your life is worth living and he will give you the strength to carry on.Im sorry, I didnt mean to preach to you.Can you tell Im a preachers daughter?haha I wish you all the best,hang in there we are here for you!
 


obs ann
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 679
   Posted 3/15/2006 10:44 PM (GMT -7)   

Saw that this old thread was bumped, so I thought I'd chime in again too.

I appreciated some of these posts.

Maybe I'm just in the mood to chat tonite, but I thought I'd just share a bit more about that quick-sand that could swallow any one of us ... if we kept our eyes on ourselves.

I'm 53, or will be in a few days and I'm living in my 7th home.

My first home ended when I was 2 months old.  I've gone from one different home to another until this 7th one. 

Not one of these 7 was a place that I was wanted or loved.

I don't know what it's like to live somewhere that I was or would be wanted there or loved.  I have no idea what a happy home is.  And because I'm now physically disabled and all hope is cut off of me supporting myself and living alone with just my cats, I'll never be able to escape having to live with someone who doesn't love or want me.

BUT,  I have faith (Jack :) in the One Who died for me and I have what He taught me only.

To live for others and to keep my eyes off of me and just realize that He loves me and that in this world that is really all that matters ... and one day HE will hold me in His Arms and I'll never be in pain or cry ever again. 

In the meantime ... I love to laugh, because He's given me a joy that nothing else on earth can give and I love to take care of people and animals (James :)  and I don't need to look at myself anymore, because whenever I'm tempted to, I see the people who got hit by the Tsunami or Katrina or the earthquake in Pakistan, or the children with cancer in the Hospital, etc. etc. etc., and I just thank God for the little I have and want to just pray for those folks and all the horribly sick folks just on this one big forum alone.  

I can't obsess about me when I still can pray for them.  My "self-worth" only came when I saw someone hanging on a cross because He felt we were "worth" it.   And He never thought about Himself.  I don't need anything else anymore, I'm happy and refuse to go down in that quicksand or blackhole over myself ... not when folks are living in tents in the middle of winter with nothing but hopes of some food being delivered to them 'someday' and with no medical aid at all.  A grateful heart can save the worst days.


LateNeuroLyme + CFIDS = Lord knows what.
Romans 8:28 ~ And we know that ALL things work together for the Good,   Y
for them that Love God, for them who are the called according to His purpose. 


Cygnet-child
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 3/16/2006 2:08 AM (GMT -7)   

james73,

That's such a cute story!!! I'm going to remember it.


hope3
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 216
   Posted 3/16/2006 10:11 AM (GMT -7)   
oh ann,you made me cry (in a good way) about the man on the cross.You are so right,Im going to remember what you said when I start to feel sorry for myself.Life is so short to waist it away by feeling sorry for ourself. Our time here would be better spent helping those that we can help. Thank you so much, you are such a dear person.God bless you!
 


james73
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 3/18/2006 8:09 PM (GMT -7)   
cygnetchild ...that story happened when I was 7 or 8 and I am 32 and still remember it like it was yesterday..its amazing how we can remember good things ..its too bad we couldnt do it more often

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.


dogwhisperer
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 3/23/2006 5:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Well, I'm depressed and i feel very much like the person, Irene17, who started this. I don't think I'm so worried about suicide as I am just wasting my days. I used to think I was successful if I could get through a day with some amount of "normal" behavior, and get through a night with at least five hours of sleep. Sometimes I can sleep five hours, then be up two hours and sleep four or five hours again, but most of the time I want to get up early and do something. My husband is my problem. Most everyone has agreed with me on that. He is more depressed than I am, but doesn't see any responsibility to be different or better for others. He thinks it is my job to cheer him up and he uses tender moments to put me down. I haven't felt this ugly or inept since I was a teenager! I've been getting some good idea's, though. I think I'm going to give him a list of things he is allowed to say to me first thing in the morning and I will look for a place to move to in the meantime. If he can keep this up for a given length of time, like two weeks, I may stay. I have an independant income, but it's not very much. I know there is a temptation to just give up, but you can think of it like a physical handicap. Life is just what happens while you are trying to keep moving with this handicap. Most days, you can try to smile at others. You are probably always going to feel alone and unwanted, but some affirmations help and a pet really helps. I don't think anyone is going to appropriately value you or me, or thank you, but you can baby-sit others pets and this can certainly divert you from your problems! There is a terrible low afterwards, when you are sure it wasn't worth it, but just keep trying.

Jeff D.
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 448
   Posted 3/23/2006 7:10 PM (GMT -7)   
I feel exactly the same right now. But you have support here. If you have any problem just tell it. If you just need to vent then vent. We are here for you and we will help as much as possible. I will pray for you

Best wishes

Jeff
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