I have learned over last few years that when my wife says hurtful things ,as hard as it is to understand )she doesnt mean them and she will tell me that later .EAH,when my darling wife goes into one of her depressed states ,I usually walk away and do something productive because I have learned sometimes it is easier to walk awayy from confrontation (IE... the hurtful things she says )but in the same sense always keep the lines of communication
open ,if he shuts himself down ,pop in and ask if there is anything you can do or get him ...chances are he will say no but as I descover with my wife ,when she does come around she has told me that knowing I am there means alot even if I am not doing anything but,just checking in with her ....(but I usually dont get much positive vibes from her when I am checking in on her..thats a couple things zI do ...and dont get me wrong its not easy and I feel the same as you do my needs are not always met either
stay strong and you always have an ear here to vent at
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.