Hi,I am glad to meet you.
I saw myself in your post. Quite a bit
I too am divorced and have gone through alot with my kids. And I always went back to blaming myself.
Thinking that if I would have stayed with their dad then their lives would have been alot better.
That is not true for one simple fact. If you are not happy,then your kids no matter what age they are,will see that no matter how hard you try to cover it up.
In order to make your kids lives better,you have to heal. And staying in a bad relationship is not healing.
Now something I can really hit on... your daughter
What I am going to tell you is going to sound crazy in your mind I am sure. But this is what your daughter is thinking:
"Yes he hit me. But he keeps telling me that he is sorry and that he loves me and that he will never do it again.
He makes me feel so special when he is in a good mood. And I love him"
"He tells me that he will marry me,and we will have a wonderful life"
" If I can just prove to him how much I love him then he will change.
Believe me,I lived those lines for 13 years. It never got better..not until the day I became brave and left.
I was thinking about
what my friends/family could have done to make me see the light back then,and here are a couple of suggestions that I came up with.
Taking me to a woman's shelter and letting me hear the stories and see the bruises,and then asking them about
the first time that they were hit and then going through the above points that I kept telling myself to the women in the shelter and letting them tell me how crazy I was for thinking that way.
Maybe finding an ex girlfriend of the boyfriend,hearing her story.
And VERY IMPORTANT: Talk to the boy's parents. Find out if it is a "norm" in their family (watch the mother's eyes if she becomes embarrased then you know her own husband is using her as a punching bag and that is how her son learned it.
I hope it is not a norm,it was with my ex..I watched his father beat the hell out of his mom,and NONE of the 6 boys that lived in that house raised a finger to help her.
Do you have a brother or a close male friend that can give that boy some "friendly Advice" when it comes to your daughter?????
I keep calling him a "boy" no matter how old he is....a "man will never hit a woman"
It just gives me chills to think about
a woman so young heading down the same horrid path that I was on.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Post Edited (ShynSassy) : 2/21/2006 8:39:38 PM (GMT-7)