Hi charli3, Welcome to Healing Well forum. We have a lot of kind and caring people here that are always willing to listen and help in anyway that they can.
The one thing that I noticed by your post is that you carry a lot of anger. This is not healthy for you or your children. You stated that you don't have time for counseling but in light of what you have wrote and what you are feeling you may want to reevaluate that. Maybe it was just one of those things that you had to get your feelings out and writing it was the only way. We all can understand that if this is the case. However, you are having a lot of unresolved feelings that you probably need to lay to rest by now. Abortion is hard, and I can see where it would be even worse when you feel that you were pushed into the decision by others. You need to find someway to help yourself heal from this instead of letting it fester like an open sore.
We are here for you............
dear dysfunction doll,
you are right. so right. it is in my best interests to sever the relationship. my parents only need me to get to their grandchildren. they do still effect me and i do take it out on the children. i do however need a night off from being cook, cleaner, nurse, entertainer, taxi driver etc etc !!! so it works for me also that the children spend a night with my parents. i just have to try real hard to keep the relationship business like and not let them get into my head or heart anymore. i am over them. i have severed the relationship in my heart and mind. i feel better for it. thats what the letter 2 years ago was basically saying, that id had enough. i now only have 2 interests at the for front of my life, 1, making sure my 3 wonderful children are happy and provided for 2, getting thro each day feeling so depressed and trying to hide it. re having no friends, thats my fault. i dont make an effort because im so down and have such low self esteem that feel people wouldnt even want to know me anyway. i am only content within my four walls of my littlw house in my own little compulsive obsessive world. i guess thats all i can cope with untill i feel better. it all seems a vicious circle getting out of this black hole. no motivation, no energy, feeling of dislike, worthlessness doesnt make me want to do anything !. so here i am again. my little boy is playing in the background unaware that mummy is so sad. breaks my heart. but many thanks four reply, seems like you understand. to hide away is all i can do right now. im thankful for the internet, tho iv wanted to talk online for years !.