Think My Friends are Avoiding Me

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hw_chelsi
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 150
   Posted 2/26/2006 10:39 PM (GMT -7)   
I have a strong feeling that some of my friends are now avoiding me because I suffer from depression.  I have been friends for a long time with this one gal.  We used to get together to go shopping or go to sports bars to watch football games.  I have not seen my friend since before christmas.  I have only talked to her for about 5 minutes on the phone the night of the Super Bowl when she returned my call.  I have not had an email from her since I don't know when other than to respond to an email that I sent asking if she would like to do something and then it is only to tell me she has other plans.  She and another friend she used to work with used to call me on Friday nights when they were going out to dinner and I would meet them.  I usually go with my dad out to eat somewhere fast on Fri. nights but since they usually met later I was able to meet them.  Neither of them have called me for ages to meet them and I just found out they met with another friend of mine Fri. night but noone thought to call me.  One of them I still see each week and talk to on the phone all the time.  I suspect I was not invited because several of them did not want me around.  One of the other gals that went Fri. night is a very good friend to the friend I talk to but that gal does not like me.  That is a known fact.  I was told that by my friend.  The four of them are good friends.  In fact, the one who does not like me had a NY eve party and I was the only one not invited.  Belive me, I got very vocal about that and how rude and inconsiderate that was.  I finally got invited but had already found something else to do.
The one friend I have not talked to since before xmas, every year, like clockwork calls me and sends me a bday card in the mail and this year she did neither.   Do you think I am being paranoid?  I finally sent an email to one of the gals that I have heard from and told her how I felt.  I am really thinking it might be best to cut off all ties to any friends.  That way I would not be hurt anymore.  Sure, I would be lonely but I would get used to being a recluse.  I don't want to be around people who don't want me around.  I know that I would have to cut the friendship with my one friend.  I don't want to hear about their get togethers.  Three of us used to meet weekly for dinner but it is pretty much my one friend and I now.  That would have to end also.  Everything ends at some time or another.  My pdoc asks me sometimes if I am paranoid, if I feel people are talking about me.  I always tell her no, because I don't.  I would just appreciate any input anyone has.
 
Thanks,
 
Chelsi

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 2/27/2006 7:47 AM (GMT -7)   

Chelsi,

Ok, You have a girl that you don't like and she is hanging around with all your other friends?  Do I have this right?  So your other friends are leaving you out now?  My suggestion would be to call the one you were closest to and ask her to meet you somewhere to talk.  You should ask her what her problem is and why she is avoiding you.  I wouldn't say anything negative about the girl that you don't like as you will only make you look bad to everyone else.  Take the high road here.  A lot of time girls are catty and difficult to get along with.  Good luck.....


~elisha
 


silentcry
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 87
   Posted 2/27/2006 12:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Chelsie,

I'm sorry you are going through a hard time. Sometimes when a person is depressed we push people out of our lives for fear of being hurt. We end up backing off and not standing up for ourselves. We recluse. I did the same thing. Instead of waiting for them to invite you somewhere.... make plans of your own and invite them. You can start with one or two friends at a time... Do your own thing and remain active with people. Listen to their problems and be there for them. We tend to focus on our own stuff and forget to reach out to others. Is this your case? It was mine and I lost contact with everyone including my family. I see now what I could have done to avoid this and am starting to reach out to people now. You are special interesting and a good friend.... remind them with your reaching out for them. I hope this helps.

Kari

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 2/28/2006 7:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Chelsi
What about having a dinner party with a theme? Chinese,mexican. ...ect and inviting the whole group over,with an item that they can bring? Then the ones that don't show and don't have a good excuse are the ones that you know you really don't need to deal with.
Also, I have found that it is better to have one best friend than 20 "so so" friends. The one best friend is the one that you can lean on,and have the best time with as you know they are with you because they want to be.
Does any of that make sense? I get to rambling sometimes....
shynsassy@healingwell.net


Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


hw_chelsi
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 150
   Posted 2/28/2006 11:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks guys for all your suggestions.  I did hear back from one of my friends and she said Fri. may work for her to go out to eat as long as we go somewhere she can get something other than meat as it is Lent.   I only hope she does not bring up politics as we disagree on most things in that arena and my job search.  I have been out of a job since the end of July.  She has been out of work since last April.  I just finshed a 2 1/2 month temp. job.  At one point last fall, I made the comment about a job possibility a temp. co. had but it was til 7pm and I am going to school to get my 2 yr. degree and she actually told me to drop out of school til I find a job so I dont have to turn down something because of the schedueling.  She has not one time applied for a job since she lost her job.  She says she does not want to because if she gets a job her parents (she lives at home with them) won't eat during the day and how she has to do these things for her parents.  Well, I would like to know what her parents did when she was working.  Personally I do not think she has any right to tell me how to job hunt when she refuses to at all.  Anyway that is getting off the subject except I may say something if she brings it up.  And it may not be very nice.  Anyway, any get togethers would have to be going out.  Trust me, I do not want to kill off anyone by my cooking!!!  I have talked to my best friend who is part of the group.  The problem is that she is also best friends with the one gal that I don't get along with that well.  They have been friends since childhood.  I do try to go the high road when talking about her friend.  I do listen to my friends but alot of times I am just not in a real happy place.

silentcry
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 87
   Posted 2/28/2006 11:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Real friends will support you. Amazing how the truth of a real friendship shows it's light. Do you really want to be her friend?? Sounds like she makes you anxious. I like what Shynsassy said about rather having one or two good friends than 20 so so friends. You don't have to be best friends with everyone, but evaluate your true friends.
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