Prison of Blues

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New Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 3/1/2006 3:48 PM (GMT -6)   
This is very hard fro me - I have never talked about these kind of feelings openly before w/ strangers.  So I guess I should start with the basic run down of my life.
I am a 22 year old college sophmore.  I attend a small private university in a very small town in Iowa.  I have had depression on and off since I was 14.  I was never exteremly smart, so I spent a lot of time buried in my studies, and never had many friends becuase of it.  For the past three years I have had my depression under control.  But than some things happened recently that through my years of work out the window.  I don't really want to go into the details of what happened, I'll just say that I said something really dumb to another girl on my hall.  Even though I have apologized, and we have worked things out, a few other people on the hall are making life almost unbearable.  For the first tiem in 8 years, I actually thought of over-dosing, or ending my life.  I think if I were not such a coward I probably would have done it too.
I stuck in my life over analysing everything that happens.  The worst thing about this, is that I don't know why I care!  These girls and I would hang out on occasion, and on a certain level I considered them frineds, but not good friends.  I know I should not care, and I should move on, forget, ect, but for some reason it is destroying my life (so to speak).  I cannot forget what happened - it haunts my dreams, and my thoughts.  It is disrupting my daily life.  I have noticed that I do nothing but sit in my room all the time with the lights off.  I have troubles getting out of bed in the mornings, and have no desire to socializng, on an overly social campus.
I'm not looking for pitty, or answers.  I just really needed a place to unload where people are not going to look at me like I am crazy!  Thank y'all for this!

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 87
   Posted 3/1/2006 9:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Try to let it go Honey. We all do and say stupid things from time to time. It passes. People get over it and judge you on most current behavior. She forgave you... let it go.

I don't know what you said and there must also be a reason or feeling that compelled you to say what you said. You don't have to explain if you don't want to.... but look into your own reason and address that. I'm here if you want to go further.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 3/2/2006 10:42 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi PeguinStalker,  Welcome to healing well forum.  I am glad that you felt safe enuf to post here and seek advice.

Unfortunately, most people don't stop to think of how their actions or words will effect someone else.  This is true especially of girls/females who can be catty and vindictive.

My suggestion to you would be to seek out a counselor or physician at your school.  I recommend this due to the fact that you have contiplated self harm and are isolating yourself.

Also is there a student advisor in your dorm?  I would suggest talking to them about this too as it seems that there may need to be some kind of intervention taken with the other girls.  Or they could give you some advice on what to do. 

Please keep us updated on how it goes. 


Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 620
   Posted 3/4/2006 12:28 AM (GMT -6)   
hi, penguin...glad you're here...i do know how you feel;i still can't believe that i'm still here;almost did it at 21, tho had been thinking of it since 15-16 yrs. old;then to make it worse, my favorite teacher & good friend {my dad taught at the hs, smsll one, so i knew everyone...even teachers pretty well}killed herself on a beautiful Sat. afternoon during a football game;she just went home & did ir'''''''' was too awful what she did so no details, but her son played football & caame home to find her;she had 3 kids. I kind of understood...the feeling of hopelessness, anyway...but now i'm so glad i didn't do it. now, if i even think of it, like everyday;i think of how those left behind would feel & i'm learning to do that in spite of how bad i feel. it's hare, but i believe that what we don't deal with here, we'll have to deal with somewhere...or come back here & do it oner,,,no thanks! just want to say  hang in;we never know when something good will happen.take good care, artpainter :-)

obs ann
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 679
   Posted 3/4/2006 5:55 AM (GMT -6)   
Great post artpainter. I could really relate to this too. And when I heard how it affects the family and friends and even just others who knew the person, like artpainter just knew and liked this teacher or you think of others who may be thinking of it too and if we did, it could just throw them over that edge also.
He brought up the best point there is ... "for others" ... and I believe that is why I may still be here too.

We'll be rooting for you and you sure will not be alone on here. It's a beautiful place to come for sanctuary from a world that rushes by. We're here and we understand each other and it's a very restful place for me... I hope you find it that way for yourself also.

You're young and have a beautiful life ahead of you and I'd give anything to be that age again and kick all obstacles out of my way and fight to have a happy productive life. I know it's out there for you M. And I hope that coming here and venting and just saying how you feel, will be a major Release for you.

'Welcome' and make yourself comfortable :)
LateNeuroLyme + CFIDS = Lord knows what.
Romans 8:28 ~ And we know that ALL things work together for the Good,   Y
for them that Love God, for them who are the called according to His purpose. 

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