I can totally relate to you. I have been seeing a guy that has bipolar disorder and with my background I sometimes find myself wondering "why did I get into this relationship in the first place". He can be self centered and most often tries to focus on several things at once that end up more times than not blowing up in his face. Who do you think he runs to? That's right...ME. I too have a hard time dealing with all of his problems all the time when I am going through so much. For the most part I hold it together and try like you to be supportive and understand what he is going through and give good advice but sometimes it is like satan has taken over my body and mouth and I just have to tell him what I feel. All I can say then is I am only human and can take so much. He is seeing a psychiatrist and on medication for his illness but he still seems to lack impulse control and has no desire to want for a better life than the right now. I struggle with wanting to dump him at least every other week but dont and am not too sure why. Maybe I feel sorry for him on some level, I do care about him, but I think it is the care taker in me that hangs on for the most part.
Anyway, enuf about me and mine..... I would suggest telling him that if you are going to continue to be together he at least needs to see a psychiatrist and get medications for his Bipolar. He can not go untreated and expect to have a normal life. Once he does this you may find that he is a totally different person. You can even go with him to his appointment if it makes him feel better, since he seems to have a mistrust of physicians. You have to do what is best for you so if he is upsetting you tell him, if his behavior is bothering you tell him. Tell him what you expect and desire in a relationship this will tell you if he is willing to help himself and continue your relationship in the manner that you need it if he tries to change and get help. Hopefully he will...
I understand.... I am 32 and divorced for 2 years now (no kids but I have a cat). I dont think your being hypocritical for wanting and wishing for better for yourself. I dont think I would know a normal relationship if it slapped me in the face....lol!! So where are all the good normal guys? Maybe everyone is right and when your not looking the right person just sort of falls in front of you or whatever. Not like I would know or anything.
I'm not always supportive. Like this weekend I feel like all I have done is nag at him but he is annoying me so much. We usually only see each other on the weekends as I have school and am busy with that during the week. The things he is doing though (in my defence) is not his bipolar, it is just him trying to bother me. Yes in the beginning of relationships things do always seem so much better. Never would I have seen him clipping his toe nails and with my clippers no less....YUCK!!! Or going to the bathroom with the door open. I dont know maybe I expect too much. But I dont think that is wrong to expect things and I dont think I should have to have a list of DO's and DONT's for potential boyfriends, like DONT use my nail clippers on your toes. And DO try your hardest to keep a job so I dont feel like I am supporting you. I think I am at the end of my very long rope.
You and I sound very similar in regards to depression. I have went without medication a few times and I always fall or slide right back down into this dark hole. I still function pretty well being depressed in regards to things I have to do. But when it comes to friends and family I will isolate myself. I can go all day without getting out of my pajamas on weekends during those times and just start at the TV. I am on Effexor now and feel pretty good. You dont have to go see a psychiatrist or counselor for your depression. You could just talk to your primary care doctor and see if he or she would prescribe an antidepressant, if that is what you want. After you start to feel better you can decide if you want to go to counseling or not. I do go to counseling but I have some severe abuse issues from childhood that still are there and also I have a lot of medical problems that we discuss. It is an option for you if that is the route you want to take to start to try to feel better.
It is kind of odd that he would refer to himself as being Bipolar and not have a clinical diagnosis of this. It sounds as if he is extremely high functioning regardless of what is going on mentally. Being able to care for a house and continue on with a full time job. It just sounds as if you are in a stressful situation with wanting help him. But he has to want to help himself as no one can force him into it as you know. If his boss has made comments to him about his behavior and then you it should be sinking in by now, hopefully. I would just keep reiterating to him how his behavior is effecting you and making you feel. That you feel he should seek help for whatever it is that is going on with him.