Post Edited (Rianna) : 3/11/2006 4:51:41 PM (GMT-7)
I am a fairly new member and have been looking through the topics, I am replying to yours because I can relate.
I too have two degrees and trades papers(chef's) I am working and have been in my last job for two years(second longest time, first was six years). I find that in my job I am always frustrated either by co-workers or situations. There are days where I feel like I just want to get up and walk away from my job. Unfortunately for me I don't know if I am this way because I suffer from depression or if this is apart of my character. I am described as a thoughtful, hardworking and caring individual at work, but generally I feel frustrated, anxious and definitely under appreciated. I am on a combination of Wellbutrin and Prozac and yet I still experience frustration and anxiety(have clonezapam for the anxiety, but am trying to wean off).
I would have to say in all my jobs I have felt the same way, at first I thought it was the people and the job, but I think my allowing myself to get worked up over things is a factor too.
Does anyone else experience this? I am in a position now where I want to quit, but at the same time desperately want to learn some coping mechanisms to make my work life more enjoyable.
As far as relationships go, I never really had any as I had very low self esteem, and was extremely shy. I gained more confidence when I left home and attended University. I actually met my husband through a mutual friend, at the time I was stabilizing from a very low point in my life, I initially did not tell my then boyfriend about my depression for fear of rejection, however he often tlaked of a friend who had depression, so one day I figured well he might as well know, because then he can decide whether he wants to sign on or off with the relationship. Fortunately for me he stayed. I do have to say that I think my husband is a very very patient man, i don't think any man could live with someone experiencing depression, especially since there are days and times when things are good(my mood) and there are times when there are not. I think that he doesn't often understand how I can go from one to another mood so quickly, and I know it is frustrating for him, and I in turn feel guilty and wish that I could be more normal for him. However by communicating with him and explaining what i am feeling he finds it easier to deal with,rather than if i just clam up and withdraw.
I know I am lucky and very fortunate to have found this person. I hope that it helps to know that there is hope for relationships in spite of suffering from depression. It is not an easy road, but it is definetely worth fighting for
Hi There Rianna,
Glad I could help. I certainly consider myself fortunate. The search for a partner seems to be universal. I listen to a local radio station that recently discussed this subject. Alot of the listeners indicated that they too didn't know where to look for companions. They had pretty much tried the same venues as you mentioned. Some did say they had success with the internet(more than any other venue).
Some people indicated that single people need to 'stop trying so hard' and to sit back and relax, and that someone will come along when they least expected it. I know this philosophy used to drive me batty, it is the last thing a single person wants to hear.
In my case I never really thought I would get married. So while I was high school I decided I was going to study hard, so I could complete a decent level of education that would allow me to obtain a job that would allow me to be self sufficient. I never was one of those ladies who thought she would marry to have someone take care of me.
In this day and age, I think men (and I may be way overgeneralizing!) want a partner who can take care of themselves, so that all the pressure of supporting the family does not soley reside on them.
I know I could have functioned on my own had I not met my husband, but I definitely appreciate my husband on those days when I am not at my best.
I just stopped by and I'm so glad I saw your post. You prompted me to become a member only to reply. I have only recently accepted my depression, although it has affected me as long as I can remember.
Until ...well tonight... I've always denied my depression, actually, I just didn't recognize it for what it was. I am not sad all the time. I don't cry in a darkened room for months at a time. I don't hate myself. I think I'm kinda good looking. Just kidding. I'm not particularly angry... Other's would say I'm alway's happy (in fact I've been nicknamed sunshine and smiley) I would say I'm pretty even keeled... (90% of the time) My husband would say I'm unfeeling-no ups or downs. But, I do get anxious sometimes. My pattern seems to work as such.
I get miniscule amounts of anxiety everyday. I can lose the anxiety by going for a run, having a bath, doing puzzles, small repetitive tasks, taxes, busy work etc... keeping my mind occupied. At more anxious times I can become passionate about a new project, immerse myself in something new, get a hair cut, new outfit etc... change focus. Failing that, I try to take on more and more responsibility keeping myself so busy I can't think... I start to run three times a day (and I hate running). My 'care of self' starts to deteriote, I don't eat because I don't have time. I get used to the extra tasks or responsibility I've taken on and they don't fill the 'mindspace' they used to so... I take on more. This is where I can cycle for a while.
But... sometimes it works differently ... My mind stops working I look at a problem and can't see a solution. I look over a page three times and don't read a word. I ask people to repeat themselves again and again and still have no idea what they said. I have so many things to do I don't know where to start... so I do nothing. I'm muddle headed and can't concentrate. I try to rationalize my anxiety and frustration. I lay it on unrealised dreams, dissatisfaction with my life or whatevers close. I get frustrated and end up lying on my bed because I can't decide what to wear. It's in this quiet unthinking time I'll say to myself 'man... I'm tired. I should kill myself' to which I reply 'that's the best idea you've had so far'. That's when the calm comes... And I'm in trouble...
Now this overview was quite a clinical 'looking back' view of what happens. When I'm living it however, it feels a lot more desperate and turbulant. I've been following this pattern for years but only realised last october. A big change is the best way I know how to 'save myself'. A big move, a different job, a different boyfriend is the way I prefer to get out of my 'rut'. I run away from everything and everyone in an effort to run from myself. I'm desperate to change this. I run full tilt never looking back to say goodbye, or thank you to anyone I leave. They'll write/email/phone and they'll go unanswered.
Now that being said. I have been able to maintain a long term relationship (been married almost 5 years now). All of my relationships before this maxed out after 3 months. We met and married quickly (This is probably why we beat the 3 month hump). He married me forever and he won't let me go easy. I've had my bags packed many times (I had tickets for Sep 11-My husband is the only one in the world glad that the planes hit). There is only one way out of this marriage. Our task is to stop me taking it early.
Now, I have maintained this relationship however we've lived in 5 Apartments and 1 house in 3 different provinces accross canada (We're currently negotiating another move) we've owned 16 different vehicles (our current vehicle is up for sale). I'm always starting new projects. I am a presently a stay at home Mom of 3 (4,2,1) and we foster two others (3,1) we recently got a puppy (a Newfoundland - he's 4 Months and 60 lbs easy). I am in a slump at the moment but I'll fight through it (or die trying).
Lastly, a relationship of 1 and a half years is nothing to sneeze at. Also, I have to admit, I am rather jealous that you have completed two degrees. I left mine 3/4 finished 5 years and 6 moves ago. (Sometimes it's helpful to know someone envies)
Thank you for posing the question.
ADHD is something I've never considered. You may have a valid observation. I've only asked for help when things are to 'heavy' for me to manage on my own (ie. I'm suicidal). So I've only ever spoken of depression. Do you know if people with ADHD can become suicidal?
As for medication I was on celexa briefly to get me out of a slump and I got really tired. Then they switched me to Effexor. This had some sexual side effects and my skin crawled every time my husband touched me. I quit cold turkey (bad idea) and had an awful withdrawal. I'd rather not do that to my body again. I silently hope that I can kick this on my own.
Thank you again for giving me something to think about.
Hi, I can relate to this too. I have not been able to hold a job for more than 3 years. And I know it is because of the depression. And that was 5 years ago, since then I have not been able to keep a job for more 6 months. And I feel lousy. The last one I left because I couldn't cope with the stress. But now I regret it.
I am on Cipralex and that doesn't seem to help very much either. I don't like the dr. I go to. But I have been changing them so many times that I can't get another referal.
Right now without a job I suffer from anxiety too. And I am worried all the time.