Anyone else trying to deal with the death of a sibling?

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chris_2002
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 3/24/2006 12:15 AM (GMT -7)   
I was just wondering if there was anyone else that is or has dealt with the death of a sibling.  I lost my brother who was 25 (2 years older than me) recently due to a motorcycle accident.  I also lost my mom 4 months ago and my dad 5 years ago, but my brother has so far been the hardest to deal with.  Without my medications I don't think I could have ever dealt with all of this, I have been diagnosed as having type 1 bipolar disorder, severe anxiety, and major depression.  Somehow I manage to keep my life relatively normal. Talking to someone who has experienced loosing a brother or sister would help I think.
 
Chris

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 3/24/2006 6:55 AM (GMT -7)   
I just wanted to tell you that I am so so sorry for your loss Chris.  I cant even imagine all you have been through.  Dealing with the loss of your brother would most definitely be the hardest as he was so young and I am sure that you were very close.  I have not lost any of my siblings, so I cant share this experience with you.  Your post just touched me and I wanted to let you know.  Please come back here as often as you like...welcome to healing well, we are happy to have you.  Take care

~elisha
 


james73
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 3/24/2006 11:34 AM (GMT -7)   
I havent lost any brothers or sisters but I did lose 3close cousins and uncle in a house fire and like you its a hard pill to swallow ,my aunt lived by jumping out a second story window .Its hard to understand why things happen sometimes ,I know I dont understand and never will understand why we lose innocent people to death,when they have there whole life to live still ..I also lost my dad 2 years ago and dont understand why as he had heart surgery and recovered good and six weeks after the surgery his leg was going numb ,he went to the doctor and they told him he was fine was just in his head ,next day he passed away .The worst of it is I know some one with the same symptoms and they removed the blood clot from his leg and he is fine now.Why is there so much incompetance in the world why ??
Chris my heart goes out to you as I couldnt possibly understand what you are going thru with all your close family losses ..but I do share someof your pain in the loss department

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.


hope3
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 216
   Posted 3/25/2006 1:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Chris,welcome toHW.Yes I have experienced the loss of 2 siblings myself.My little sister was 8yrs. old and i was10, I felt like I lost my best friend, and I did, we were very close. I also lost my brother last year,who was mentally challlenged 2 years ago.My Mother died 10 yrs.ago and my Dad died just last year.That leaves just me and a sister that lives in another state. I'm only 47, so its very hard sometimes.It is always hard when we lose someone we love. The only thing that helped me was knowing they went to a better place. I know you are probably tired of hearing that though.I wish I could take your pain away, but all I can say is it does get easier with time.I'm sorry for your loss and you will be in my prayers.Take Care, and know that there is a higher power that helps us get through times like this.God Bless!
 


curley
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 4305
   Posted 3/25/2006 8:59 PM (GMT -7)   
I'am so sorry that you are going through this.I have not lost a sibling but my Dad lost his youngest brother to colon cancer and ten month's later lost his mother.The pain I seen in his eye's.MY Dad's only parent was his mother his dad died when my dad was just five year's old.Please know that youy are not alone and we will be here for you any time day are night.Please take care and know you are welcome here any time.........................................................
Thanks
Curley......
a.k.a.Mela...........


chris_2002
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 3/26/2006 1:53 AM (GMT -7)   
thanks for everyone's support.  i requested a therapist so I could start trying to talk about my emotions more and how to deal with them.  my last psychologist said i supposedly had the worst kind of depression, that I "hide" behind a smiling face and no one would ever guess I was depressed.  I am trying to not do that now,  I have been letting my family know just a little how difficult this all is for me.  I'm not sure they have any idea though.  the calls in the middle of the night because I have no one to talk to and hanging up because I don't want them to get worried because i'm waking them up, but oh well.  i try to remember the saying that "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger" when things happen, but how strong does one have to finally be to make it through this world?

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 3/26/2006 7:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Chris, I am so glad that you are considering going to a therarpist to help you with what you are going through.  Hope that you find the kind of help and coping skills that you need to get past your grief.  Also, dont be so worried about leaning on your family during this that is what families are for.  You may find that they also need to talk to someone about their feelings.  Take care

~elisha
 


LizaB
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 4/12/2006 1:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Chris,
 
I am a parent that lost my son on Feb 24, 2005. Michael was 19 at the time of his death and left behind his sister who at the time was 15. Now here we are 14 months later, she's 17 and he would turn 21 next week.
 
As a parent I know what it is like to suffer a loss, as a sibiling I wouldn't know, all my sisters and my one brother are still with me.
 
I have watched my daughter suffer and I have talked to her plenty. She has not decided to seek therapy, but I have, not that she is wrong but I have been her therapy on a daily basis. I have encouraged her to make tribute to her brother in anyway that she feels she needs to. I encourage you to do the same thing. Being that this was her only sibiling and now she is an only child, she has inheritated all his belongings and art work, even his guitars. Everything that she feels has meaning she has displayed somewhere in the house so that when ever she begins to feel sad, there is something right next to her that has the identity of her brother. Alot of the things, pictures, art work and even small items that he had in his bedroom are now tokens for her and memories that she has surrounded herself with. Most of the items look like ordinary household things, knick-knacks-brickabrack that everyone would have here and there, except hers have that special meaning to her. She also has may letters and notes that she writes to him on a regular basis, and when she feels the need she takes them to his graveside and leaves them there, I bury mine at his headstone, but she leaves them out in the open because that is what she is comfortable with.
 
One thing you should always remember is that your pain is real and its ok to have it for the rest of your life. Your sibiling is a part of you and you a part of them. If you die you take a part of them with you as your sibiling has taken a part of you. This is a love that no one can explain to you and you will never be able to explain the love you have for your sibiling. No two people are the same.
 
It is also ok to walk around with a smile on your face, you dont have to always cry. We are still learning that. It's ok to get mad, and its ok to sit down to eat dinner and start to cry. Cry, scream and greave in the way that makes you feel best, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that and dont ever let anyone tell you differently.
 
Finding someone to talk to is a great idea, although it doesnt always have to be a professional, it just has to be someone that makes you feel comfortable and helps you in the way that you feel you need to be helped. I dont go to my therapist anymore, because of my daughter and my second husband, they have been my sanity and my rocks. If I ever feel the need to just cry, I do and they never judge that, they hold out their arms, and I dothe same for them. Sometimes that is the best therapy.
 
Good luck in all your endevors and I hope that the few things I have typed have been able to help you in some way. If you wish to talk more or want to get in touch with me I am on MSN as lizabuczek@hotmail.com
 
All my love and prayers to you and your family.
 
Liza
Hug Your Children Everyday, and Tell Them That You Love Them
In Memory of My Son:
Michael Joesph Palazzolo
April 19, 1985 - Feburary 24, 2005
 


Kris44
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 38
   Posted 4/15/2006 8:21 AM (GMT -7)   
hello chris. my name is krista. I lost my sister katheryn when I was nine and she was fourteen. this was especially hard on me,and my three other siblings because nobody seemed it to be the siblings loss. just the adults. I am so sorry to hear about you brother ,and your parents also. I am in my fourties now. You need to try to find that special place in your heart ,just for him and you. seems we have to get through these things on our own. And when you think your ready .my counceler gave me this book to read and it has helped me immencly. Its called The Empty Room, surviving the loss of a brother or sister at any age. THe author is Elizaber De Vita RAeburn. I wish you the best and god bless you . Kris44

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/16/2006 7:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Chris ....I am so sorry for your loss I have not lost my siblings but I have lost a son who was only 6 and just very recently my mom .......I just wanted to let you know it is okay to smile and remember the good times ......Lots of peeps have posted great input so I leave this with just know we are here for you .....God Bless....Lyn
 
Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
..Let that strong Spirit of yours be your guide...
 
 A Real Friend .....walks in when the rest of the World walks
 Out
 
Let us be grateful to people who make us happy,they are the charming gardens that make souls bloom.........Lyn


sad girl
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 4/19/2006 2:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey chris.
My name is Andrea. 3 yrs ago i lost my 20 yr old brother Robbie. I am now 18 but i was 15 at the time. I understand exactly wat u are goin thru, as i am also goin thru it. It feels like half of u has been taken away. My family will never be the same, and neither will i. If u need to talk, my msn. Those numbas are actually my brother's date of birth. I am also goin thru depression, and i have no idea wat to do. All i know is that time keeps passing by, and it feels like i have been left behind, stuck on the day he died. I cant get passed it. He was punched outside a nightclub, hit his head on the concrete and died 36 hrs later in bed in my older brother's house. My brother found him.

Post Edited By Moderator (els) : 4/19/2006 5:05:03 PM (GMT-6)


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 4/19/2006 4:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi andrea,  I am so sorry about your brother.  I cant imagine what it must be like for you.  I just wanted to tell you that and welcome you also to Healing Well forum.  I have edited your e-mail address out of your post for your protection, you can go back in and go into control panel on the blue bar above and go to edit profile, then from there you can add your e-mail address to your profile.  It will then appear under your user name and members will be able to e-mail you if they wish to.  I hope that you continue to visit us here, I look forward to hearing more from you.  Take care.

 ~elisha~ 

ways to help support healing well:

http://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=19&m=437927


myhearthurts
New Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/10/2006 9:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Chris,

I am so sorry about your brother, it truly changes your life. I lost my sister last July due to a brain tumor. I travled six hours every week to take her to the hospital and when they gave her the final treatments and could no longer help her, I took her to live with my family in my home. My little girls have always adored her she was like a grandmother to them, as she was 9 years older than me. We were so close, we could read each others minds. I loved her with all my heart. 3 weeks after she came here, she turned on me and wanted to go to my other sisters house. I knew it wasn't her, she had been on very heavy steriods (decadron) and ritalin to stay awake and for God's sake, she had a brain tumor. So I completely understood, but when she got to my other sisters house, that sister didn't like that my Marion came to stay with me first (so she was in her glory when she went there). Two days later I was told that Marion said I was mean to her and I was taking her drugs and many other horrible things that I still can't understand, except that it wasn't her talking. The problem was, my other sister loved it! Even the Hospice lady told me she had seen people with that kind of "excitement" over causing trouble. The story goes on and unfortunately, so does my depression. But you're just a kid, I know that's got to be awful too. I also lost my mom to a brain tumor (my family has had 6 of them) in 1990 and my Dad (who I idolized) in 1984. Boy it's tough. And I'm just like you, broken in little pieces on the inside and smiling on the outside. Do you ask yourself why people don't notice?? I do too. How can they if we hide it? I really do need to go talk to someone, I find it so difficult to get out of bed in the morning and most of the time, I go back to bed after my little one's are gone to school. My husband is great, but he's working hard and kind of oblivious, not intentionally, he just doesn't know what to do. I truly hope you can get some help with your depression, you wouldn't want to see your brother suffering like you are, would you? Maybe he can see you, and he would be happier if you were. Talk to your parents, they love you more than they can imagine. And I promise you, they won't care what time you call them. Hey, at least your family didn't leave a message on your phone that your sister died. That's what they did to me. Please write and let me know how you are doing. You deserve a good life. You owe it to your grieving parents to get better, they love you.

myhearthurts
New Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/10/2006 9:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Chris,

I am so sorry about your brother, it truly changes your life. I lost my sister last July due to a brain tumor. I travled six hours every week to take her to the hospital and when they gave her the final treatments and could no longer help her, I took her to live with my family in my home. My little girls have always adored her she was like a grandmother to them, as she was 9 years older than me. We were so close, we could read each others minds. I loved her with all my heart. 3 weeks after she came here, she turned on me and wanted to go to my other sisters house. I knew it wasn't her, she had been on very heavy steriods (decadron) and ritalin to stay awake and for God's sake, she had a brain tumor. So I completely understood, but when she got to my other sisters house, that sister didn't like that my Marion came to stay with me first (so she was in her glory when she went there). Two days later I was told that Marion said I was mean to her and I was taking her drugs and many other horrible things that I still can't understand, except that it wasn't her talking. The problem was, my other sister loved it! Even the Hospice lady told me she had seen people with that kind of "excitement" over causing trouble. The story goes on and unfortunately, so does my depression. But you're just a kid, I know that's got to be awful too. I also lost my mom to a brain tumor (my family has had 6 of them) in 1990 and my Dad (who I idolized) in 1984. Boy it's tough. And I'm just like you, broken in little pieces on the inside and smiling on the outside. Do you ask yourself why people don't notice?? I do too. How can they if we hide it? I really do need to go talk to someone, I find it so difficult to get out of bed in the morning and most of the time, I go back to bed after my little one's are gone to school. My husband is great, but he's working hard and kind of oblivious, not intentionally, he just doesn't know what to do. I truly hope you can get some help with your depression, you wouldn't want to see your brother suffering like you are, would you? Maybe he can see you, and he would be happier if you were. Hey, at least your family didn't leave a message on your phone that your sister died. That's what they did to me. Please write and let me know how you are doing. You deserve a good life.
Please keep writing about your progress.
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